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283 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 8, 2014
“That’s what it’s like to be a prisoner of anything. You want your freedom until you get it, then you feel bare without your chains.”
When reclusive novelist Senna Richards wakes up on her thirty-third birthday, everything has changed. Caged behind an electrical fence, locked in a house in the middle of the snow, Senna is left to decode the clues to find out why she was taken. If she wants her freedom, she has to take a close look at her past. But, her past has a heartbeat…and her kidnapper is nowhere to be found. With her survival hanging by a thread, Senna soon realizes this is a game. A dangerous one. Only the truth can set her free.
“There is a string that connects us that is not visible to the eye. Maybe every person has more than one soul they are connected to, and all over the world there are those invisible strings… Maybe the chances that you’ll find each and every one of your soul mates is slim. But sometimes you’re lucky enough to stumble across one. And you feel a tug. And it’s not so much a choice to love them though their flaws and through your differences, but rather you love them without even trying. You love their flaws.”
5 stages of BOOK DENIAL
FIRST PART OF REVIEW –
Look, I live in a 3rd world country and even as I write this review there's no power and my Iphone's hotspot is the only reason I have internet connectivity. It's 4 in the morning and I've spent the last 6 hrs reading MV.
Why should you care about my 3rd world problems you ask? So you understand the lack of electricity did not deter me from reading this book until I had read the very last word. Yup, the writing was superb.
Yet, I hated it.
It was one big pity fest; both Isacc and Senna were caricatures, infused with too much *fall-on- a-sword* self-obsessive, narcissistic traits.
Let's start with Senna. Her mother walked away when she was 9 and boyfriend left when she was 20 and although these 2 incidents are heartbreaking, I don't believe they are tragic. Yet, she CHOSE to objectify herself as a victim by living a colorless whitewashed life for close to 13 years.
Then comes Isaac (nice name BTW); who CHOSE to martyr himself on the "altar of love" while knowing his love might remain unrequited. Well, of course, the bit@& psycho *cough*, Senna, can not and will not love him rather she slaps his arse with a restraining order, on the very day he told her he loved her. He, of course, does what every smart man ought to do; moves on to marry a different woman.
Fast forward a couple of years and the protagonists find themselves in a situation that may very well lead to their demise. In this, they need to figure out how to survive, trust and depend on each other. Maybe even disclose their feelings, if any. But really, both protagonists were mirror images of each other, Senna the *woe is me* and Isaac the *save you I must*. Very Titanic-ish; maybe even Romeo and Juliet-ish, and we all know how those worked out.
They survive but the price was paid a little too late.
While the aforementioned issues are irritating, it was the actual lack of dialogue that killed this book and I know there are cybertheorists postulating Isaac might have been an illusion from Senna's psychotic break. With all due respect, the very lack of dialogue invalidates that theory; Marrow, by the same author, is a brilliant accounting of psychosis.
A lot more occurred in this book and I implore others to read it; however, I found it excruciatingly boring.
That being said, I've read other books (Fuck Love, The Opportunists) by Fisher which I loved to bits, and will continue to one-click her.
"It's the darkness that pulls me in. Your mud vein."
"Someone could take your body, use it, beat it, treat it like it's a piece of trash, but what hurts far worse than the actual physical attack is the darkness it injects in you."
"I am an animal, bent on surviving. I let nothing in. I let nothing out."
"I am a self-fulfilling prophecy; destroying before I could be destroyed."
"That's what it's like to be a prisoner of anything. You want your freedom until you get it, then you feel bare without your chains."
"Being stuck on love was a real bitch to cure. Like cancer, I think. Just when you think you're over it, it comes back."
"I never thought of love as a choice. Rather, it seemed like the un-choice. But if you stayed with someone who was self-destructing and chose to keep loving, I suppose it could be a choice."
"If someone was going to be digging around in my chest with a scalpel, I wanted it to be the guy who showed up and fixed things."
"Why are you here?"
He hesitated briefly then said, "Because you are."
"You are a stillness. And I tried to move you. It didn't work. But that doesn't mean you didn't move me. I heard everything you didn't say. I heard it so loudly that I couldn't shut it off. Your silence, Senna. I hear it so loudly."
"Tell me a lie, Isaac." His fingertips trace a curlicue on my shoulder.
"I don't love you."
"You loved me so much that I started to love myself."
"You can't fix me," I said, looking at his knees.
"I don't want to."
"I'm mangled," I said. "On the inside and the outside."
"And yet I love you."
Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.
~ Charles Dickens
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Review posted at: Hello Beautiful Book Blog
“What’s the difference?” I asked him. “Between the love of your life, and your soulmate?”
“One is a choice, and one is not.”
I am a writer and words are my weapon. I want to hurt you. I want my words to be salt, and I want to pour them into your open wound. I want my words to be jagged pieces of mirror that you can see yourself reflected in. I am a sadist otherwise known as an artist. My books are a call to women who have been doubled over by heartache, bound by boredom, captives of a past that will not let them go, victors of a past that tried to kill them. I have a disease you see, it’s called human nature, and I am fascinated by it. So, if you choose to read Mud Vein remember that about me. I’m not writing to entertain you, or to make money, or to have my book propped neatly on a shelf in Target. I write to explore the dark corners of myself, and I want you to come with me. I’m a little bit like you. I think you’ll see yourself in the pages of Mud Vein. I haven’t told you very much about it on purpose. I want you to go in blind. I want you to stumble across a thought, a sound, a hurt-which you had thought special to you. And realize I have felt them too, someone you have never met. If you choose to read Mud Vein, please don’t ask yourself what it says, ask yourself what it means. And once you read my black words, on a white page, e-mail me and tell me your interpretation. I can’t wait for your thoughts.
"Cause she's just like the weather, can't hold her together
Born from dark water, daughter of the rain and snow"
--Florence and the Machine
“It’s your darkness that pulls me in. Your mud vein. But sometimes having a mud vein will kill you.”
“This is a game, and if I want to get out, I have to find the truth.”
“Who will live and who will die? It’s the worst form of torture a person can imagine — the wait to die.”
“She can’t see the landscape anymore. It’s all painted in her grief.”
“Isaac was a stranger and he had seen more of my wounds than anyone else. Not because I chose him… He was just always there. That’s what scared me.”
“He kissed me with color, with drumbeat, and a surgeon’s precision. He kissed me with who he was, the sum of his life — and it was all encompassing. I wondered what I kissed him with since I was only broken parts.”
“Being stuck on love was a real bitch to cure. Like cancer, I think. Just when you think you’re over it, it comes back.”
“There is a string that connects us that is not visible to the eye… Maybe every person has more than one soul they are connected to, and all over the world there are these invisible strings…. Maybe the chances that you’ll find each and every one of your soulmates is slim. But sometimes you’re lucky enough to stumble across one. And you feel a tug. And it’s not so much a choice to love them through their flaws and through your differences, but rather you love them without even trying. You love their flaws.”
“You’ve been silent your whole life. You were silent when we met, silent when you suffered. Silent when life kept hitting you… I tried to move you. It didn’t work. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t move me. I heard everything you didn’t say. I heard it so loudly that I couldn’t shut if off. Your silence, Senna, I hear it so loudly.”
"Maybe the chances that you'll find each and every one of your soulmates is slim. But sometimes you're lucky enough to stumble across one. And you feel a tug. And it's not so much a choice to love them through their flaws and through your difference but rather you love them without even trying. You love their flaws."
"Things distracted me. Or maybe they complicated me. I didn't like to live with color. I wasn't always like that. I learned to survive better."
"You've been silent your whole life. You were silent when we met, silent when you sufferent. Silent when life kept hitting you. I was like that too, a little. But not like you. You are a stillness. And I tried to move you. It didn't work. But that doesn't mean you didn't move me. I heard everything you didn't say. I heard it so loudly that I couldn't shut it off. Your silence, Senna. I hear it so loudly."
"Birds are the only things that grow wings. We're just left to muck through the mire like a bunch of emotional cave men."
"Now if you have someone to carry you."
”You are at once both the quiet and the confusion of my heart.”
She was a house with no windows.
It wasn't like me, but everything had changed. And if he kept showing up for me, I could show up for him. Just this once.
Love sticks, and it stays and it braves the bullshit.
I should have stayed home. I should have done anything but jog that trail, on that morning, at that time.