How to Be Old: Lessons in Living Boldly from the Accidental Icon

by Lyn Slater

A personal memoir in which Lyn Slater, known on Instagram as “Accidental Icon,” brings her characteristic style, optimism, forward-thinking, and rules-are-meant-to-be-broken attitude to the question of how to live boldly at any age.

When Lyn Slater started her fashion blog, Accidental Icon, at age sixty-one, she discovered that followers were flocking to her account for more than just her A-list style. As Lyn flaunted gray hair, wrinkles, and a megadose of self-acceptance, they found in her an alternative model of older someone who defied the stereotypes, refused to become invisible, and showed that all women have the opportunity to be relevant and take major risks at any stage of their life. Youth is not the only time we can be experimental.

How to Be Old tells the ten-year story of Lyn’s sixties, the sometimes-glamorous, sometimes-turbulent decade of Accidental Icon. This memoir is about the hopeful and future-oriented process of reinvention. It shows readers that while you can’t control everything, what you can control is the way you think about your age and the creative ways you respond to the changes in your mind and body as they happen. Rather than trying to meet standards of youth and beauty as a measure of successful aging, Lyn promotes a more inclusive and empowering standard to judge our older selves by.

In this paradigm-shifting memoir, Lyn exemplifies that even with its unique challenges, being old is just like any new beginning in your life and can be the best and most invigorating of all of life’s phases, full of rebellion and reinvention, connection and creativity.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Essays, Audiobook, Biography Memoir, Fashion, Biography

272 pages, Hardcover

Published March 12, 2024

Reviews

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not sure who exactly would relate well to this book, but it wasn’t me. I also don’t know what I expected an aging-in-style social media influencer’s book to be like, but it’s exactly like that sounds. I love the chapter titles, but not really the content that she uses to impart the message.

[Eileen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lyn Slater's How to Be Old: Lessons in Living Boldly from the Accidental Icon was a book I did not want to read. Why? Being old scares me. Slater gave some thought to similar fears and decided to spend the ten years until her seventieth birthday living a different life. She was a social work professor in the process of adding more creative pursuits to her activities. As part of the process, she gave some thought to what aging meant to her. "Like personal style, aging is an individual transaction between a mind, a body, and the context you are living in." She had some ideas about blogging and started a website, accidentalicon.com. She also became active on Instagram, #AgeIsNotAVariable. Before long, she was an influencer. Her focus was on age and fashion. Her academic background led her to examine research on aging; studies showed that people with positive expectations about aging made new friends of all ages. These studies were not that reassuring for Slater. "Is it really about having positive expectations about being old, or is it simply about having positive expectations about yourself and others?" Her views on aging focused on everyday creativity. The ways people discover new ideas are often ignored and unrecognized. Slater believes successful life change can be achieved based on education, experience, creativity, being a bad ass, and a little luck. She was criticized for her views because her starting point as a college professor gave her an unrealistic advantage. The only bad luck in the story was during covid: the fashion industry was definitely slowed down then. Near the end of the book, Slater is interviewed by CNBC as part of a feature on senior influencers, a term she finds unacceptable. Although various media outlets contacted her, only CNBC accepted her terms. She insisted the attention she and the others were getting was ageist. "At any age we can become someone we never knew before." Slater's goals included becoming a writer. She has certainly succeeded. This book is definitely engrossing and thought-provoking. I picked it up on impulse at the library yesterday and finished it this afternoon.

[Peggy Corbett · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book as much as I find Slater interesting. But it was trite and superficial and feeling as contrived as I think she probably is. Loaded with word porn aphorisms. If fashion is your jam you’ll probably love it but her obsession with the fashion metaphor I fear will leave the intended audience on the margins.

[Carole · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is not at all what the title indicates. I have no idea who any of the designers are that she went on and on about, nor do I care. I do not line up hours before a store opens to get designer clothing on a once a year sale. Even though she and I are the same age, I could not relate to this woman nor to her lifestyle. And from the pictures and the descriptions of her clothing, I really could not relate to her fashion sense. So it was all lost on me. I'm glad that she is able to live her live so fully, but there was little there to inspire me.

[Jennydlovesthebooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️.5

My fashion sense is off the rack and is a black suit and pearls. I don’t follow fashion. I had no idea who the Accidental Icon was, nor had I ever seen any of her advertisements or her Instagram page. But when I saw a book called HOW TO BE OLD, I was intrigued.

I fear aging, but how can we avoid that with everything that is thrown at us. As Lyn points out, growing old is a privilege. How to be Old is a memoir laced with nuggets of self-help that do not feel intrusive and do not take away from the book.

At 60, Lyn is a professor of social work in NYC when she begins to explore her passion for fashion, photography and reinventing herself.

Each chapter is about another year in her 60s and how she pivots depending on what happens outside of her control. We can only control our reactions to them.

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who is in their fifties, I loved the idea of this book. While I didn't know who Lyn Slater or The Accidental Icon were, I quickly found out after reading the book. And while most of her lessons about getting older are tied to clothing and her love of fashion, which I don't connect with at all, I did connect with her wisdom and advice about staying true to yourself, and still having time to reinvent yourself as you grow older. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Vanessa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel so sorry for saying that, but I felt the book very shallow.
I dont know... maybe I thought that I would learn something, you know... like, different ways of seeing life as we grow older, or maybe tricks for style, beauty... ladylike things around these subjects... but.. no... it was shallow. I just finished, and I completely forgot what I read. And like I said before, I feel sorry for saying that because I like her. Anyway.

[Lori · Rating 2 out of 5]

I skipped some of this book. Just didn’t keep my attention at all. I thought it would have some nuggets of wisdom, but it just seems so arrogant and irrelevant to me. I’d read a chapter and felt like it said nothing at all - just a bunch of words and gibberish phrases strung together.

Don’t take my word for it. Someone interested in designers might like this book maybe?

[Ann D’Aleandro · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lyn Slater’s How to Be Old is a refreshing and inspirational memoir detailing how she revised her view of aging and what it means to be old. Her interesting life as an influencer and fashion blogger in NYC is amazingly detailed. She abhors boredom and standing still and constantly reinvents herself, as well as taking apart her couture clothes and reinventing them.

There isn’t much I could relate to here in content. She was a professor of sociology at a university in Manhattan who happened to love upscale fashion, and moved on the outskirts of the industry. Well traveled, she starts her Accidental Icon blog and becomes a brand. This affords her the travel, clothes and lifestyle one would expect.

I do not live in a major city. I love fashion and skincare and makeup and will be 66 years old this year. I have physical challenges that sometimes narrow my life to the day to day management of these challenges. I accept this as best I can, and seek out that which I can put on my body that makes me feel good. I’m a hi-low shopper - meaning I will buy not on sale items that I love from Nordstrom, but happily wear a Target tee shirt dress that is just right. High-end designers are not only not in my budget, they make no sense for my lifestyle. So to some extent, Lyn’s story is like reading fantasy fiction to me.

That being said, Slater’s book inspired me to redefine what and how I think about my physical challenges and imperfections of age, and maybe be courageous enough to reinvent myself, just a little, in my own way, in my own time and place in this life of mine.

Unfortunately, that’s not most of this book. Lyn reads as likeable and interesting but a tad self-absorbed despite having a sick mother , daughter and grandchildren. But maybe that’s the point, maybe we gals of vintage years need to be a tad self-absorbed.

I also love the idea of recycling, up cycling vintage clothes but alas, no schools of fashion and design are reasonably nearby, but I will think on it. Lyn Slater would.
3.5*

[Michelle Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

She is fierce and has a wonderfully healthy outlook on life, especially on aging. We need more of these stories. I know Slater is not a unicorn and I am slowly discovering other fierce older women like Libby DeLana/This Morning Walk + Ebb & Flow Collective.

This is a book of essays probably best read by reading a few essays followed by reflection. However, this is a popular book and I had to return it to the library within three weeks because of course I had a large pile of popular books to get through. So I read it cover to cover within a few days. Slater uses her unique platform and is aware of her privilege in changing the narrative on aging.

“I found the line between costume and fashion, experimental yet elegant, rebellious yet dignified, being youthful without trying to look young. I suppose this back-and-forth is how I came to be known for having a unique sense of style. It’s how I told a different story about how to be old. “



“I had a body. I colluded in my own disappearing by becoming an influencer in the capitalist sense of the word, not an influencer of cultural change. I came to be empowered to wear what I want, resist trends, use clothes as devices to tell my personal stories and see style as being unique to every person.

Learning how to be old does not have a specific age because getting older, which we do from the moment we are born, is a fluctuating process of responding, adapting and negotiating as your body, relationships, opportunities and challenges change. Life is unpredictable. We forget that identities, including being old, remain fluid, not set in stone.”

[Tracey Sinclair · Rating 3 out of 5]

While it's inspiring to read about someone who changed her life in hers 60s, I didn't click with this the way I hoped.

I found the writing quite flat - and the author constantly explaining and describing herself, which felt more like analysis than memoir and started to grate. There are a lot of descriptions of clothes; I feel like it would have benefitted from more photos (including colour ones).

The hardback is a lovely item, though - this would make a nice gift.

[Ross · Rating 2 out of 5]

I made it to 2 chapters but had to stop because the book seemed to be more about her fashion sense than her journey to aging. I was expecting more of the latter.

[Michelle Herzing · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have only recently become aware of the Accidental Icon, but was interested in this book based on the title and its description. Thoughts and lessons on living a stylish and courageously independent life in your later years...count me in!

The book will be enjoyed immensely by fans of Lyn Slater's instagram persona, and fashionistas will get a kick out of the descriptions of her outfits for various events. I do not fall into either category, though, and while her thoughts on dressing herself for different life phases inspired me to put a little more thought into my personal style, most of the designer references are beyond my personal budget, even at secondhand or vintage stores (which are nonexistent in small-town America anyway).

As a woman of a similar age to Ms. Slater, I did find her persona engaging and inspiring as an example of the 'age is just a number' mindset. Her attitude about growing older is aspirational, and for that I am grateful to have found this book.

Thank you to Netgalley and Penguin Group Dutton for the digital ARC of How to Be Old: Lessons in Living Boldly from the Accidental Icon by Lyn Slater. The opinions in this review are my own.

[Alyson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Part of my celebrity memoir summering. I had no idea who she was and I read this while I was without access to the Interwebz so I couldn't look anything up. Kind of a blessing, really. I would have gone down too many rabbit holes looking stuff up. Also having just lived through a milestone birthday that everyone seems to exaggerate and overly-hype, I found her take on reinvention, education, and being curious just what I needed. Also, her reference to the "braided essay" as a form charmed me; it's my favorite genre too. Read this alongside a memoir written by a millennial which was fascinating.

Best quote on aging:
"It's time to write a new story, to reuse in imaginative ways garments that already hang in my closet. I remain engaged in the extraordinary process of aging, a process-as fashion icon extraordinaire David Bowie once said-"whereby you become the person you always should have been."

Best quote on up-cycling:
"While repairing flaws is one benefit of up-cycling clothes, upcycling goes beyond repairing an item. Upcycling is a hopeful process because when you reinvent something old and make it something new and more valuable, you are expanding the life it has already lived."

[L'Wanda Greenlaw · Rating 3 out of 5]

What I really liked about this book was the encouragement to embrace your age, refuse to be dismissed, disrespected or “ unseen” and stay true to one’s authentic self. Oh yeah, and stay open & curious to Life in general.3.5 stars.

[Michelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I only read about 3/4 of this book. I was moderately interested in the author's take on fashion and her story. I think she could have told it much better in an essay.

[c · Rating 2 out of 5]

A couple of things gave me serious ick:

- In 2016 when she was photographed by Terry Richardson, the "whispers" (her word) of sexual misconduct had been going on for like a decade and a half. Even I, on the other coast and not following fashion at all, knew about the allegations against him. At the time of the shoot, he was probably just a few months away before finally being blackballed by Conde Nast and other high fashion brands. Glossing over that and then reading about her sitting around and shooting the shit with Richardson about the good old days — gross.

- Picking the name of a Nazi collaborator as your nickname for your grandchild to call you— yikes.

Just noting that, since a quick search in the reviews, no one has yet pointed that out.

I thought it was interesting; will write something as time permits.

[Stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author describes creating the persona of accidental icon and this book feels the same, a facade. I don’t feel that I know her any better and because the book feels like a created image I don’t think I can trust the advice either. The author comes across as entitled and braggadocios. Her humbleness is another facade. The clothes are fun to hear about. The advice is commonplace. Haltingly read with an abundance of repetitive phrasing.

[Ronni · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is NOT about how to be old, it’s bout her ascension into modeling from a blog. Also it seems outdated to me, discussing designers popular many years ago.

[Anna · Rating 2 out of 5]

The title should be: How to Create a Public Persona!

I was hoping for something like Twyla Tharp’s The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It for Life—a choreographer’s musings on creativity and life. In How to Be Old: Lessons in Living Boldly from the Accidental Icon, a social worker and academic* with an eye for fashion takes you through her styling journey: setting up and running her “Accidental Icon” blog, getting her first pass for a show, connecting with and sitting in the front row next to famous fashion designers. However, it’s closer to Sophia Amoruso in tone and eye-roll-inducing pronouncements.

“Life is like a garment from an Alexander McQueen collection, something beautiful in its horror.”
“No one else wears the clothes emerging designers gift me, so I have a highly unique wardrobe.”
“Ageless clothes make for kindred spirits.”
“I think the reason I attract people of all ages is that I have a positive view of being old, and a great respect for those who are young.”
“I’m receiving more and more attention from the fashion and popular press. My follower count on Instagram exceeds six figures.”
“Accidental Icon behaves much like my two-year-old granddaughter.”

It all rings hollow, like a vanity project: not very self-aware and occasionally braggy.

* there’s some Barthes, for good measure…

[A.M. Schmitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an intelligently, written, relatable, lovely book. I’m so happy I read it. I’m 65 years old and it’s just starting to dawn on me, that, though I don’t feel old in anyway, regarding looks or fashion, or traveling or making my music, my body is telling me that there’s some things that need to be adjusted. Lyn did such a wonderful job. I’ve describing her journey and it made me feel like we are kindred sisters. Just because I’m 65 doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of music left in me and actually, I’ve never felt more self-confident, and better about who I am and what I look like than I do know. I think the 60s and upward bring a freedom of all the self doubt that our society pumps into women from the time were little girls. And I’m flying my freedom flag with great happiness. But there are definitely some things that are starting to change in my body, and in the way, I do things, and reading this book really helped me realize that I don’t have to keep hurrying up to get things done by a certain time. It’s really important to take a moment to breathe and rest, and drink a cup of tea and enjoy the fruits of a long, hard-working life. Thank you Lyn for putting to paper what I will eventually put into song.
PS. I think this might be a great idea to give to our adult children who would like to understand the aging process. When Lyn spoke of younger people trying to be solicitors and help with things that she didn’t need help with, I got goosebumps. If one more person at a grocery store calls me “ma’am” or “honey”, I’m gonna smack them!

[Jackie Sunday · Rating 2 out of 5]

The cover with the title pulled me in. I figured this book might have some helpful tips on the benefits of diet and exercise, social networking and emotional wellbeing. What I found was a memoir.

Every chapter started with a large black and white photo of her. Apparently, she was famous as fashion model. She said, “I couldn’t care less if you like me or not, want me or not. I appear unafraid of being old.”

She talked about how she was fortunate to have so many friends of all ages and a lot about her family and her partnership. There was a great deal about clothes and the importance of one’s image. Towards the end, she shared her thoughts about her home.

I enjoy various memoirs, yet, this one wasn’t for me. I hope other people are more inspired.

[Christy Foley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was scrolling through Libby when I saw this title....I personally detest the idea of aging, but at 52, it's happening whether I like it or not. So this title did catch my eye. I'd never heard of the Accidental Icon so after starting the book and realizing she's on Instagram, I did a quick search. I've seen many reviews on here saying they don't relate to her. To her success, money, privilege, fashion, social media presence. I don't relate either....but that didn't matter to me. I still enjoyed listening to her book, just like many other memoirs. I enjoyed hearing her narrate her life story, and occasionally she would throw in some tips on growing older.

[Milla Jimenez · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️

[Karla Dobson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! She gave me so many things to think about. I used to be similar to her and think it would be great to do some of the things she does.

[Kwoomac · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this, read by the author. Bored after a few chapters. First of all. She says “age is just a number.” In fact, age is not just a number. It’s a measure of passing time. Passing time brings with it all kinds of changes. I understand that she means not to be limited by your age, to embrace growth and maturity and the lessons you’ve learned. So, go ahead , wear funky clothes. Try new things. Got it.

The other part that comes as no surprise was her disillusionment with her role as an influencer. She starts an instagram account called accidental icon, showcasing her cool stylishment as she moves into her 60’s. Eventually, with her popularity, comes the stress to constantly produce. She’s approached by brands, who want her to wear their products, with very specific directions about what they want to see. She starts making a lot of money but realizes she’s lost her own vision. What was once a creative outlet is now just a stressful job.

Anyone who follows Instagram sees this over and over. I have followed many DIY home improvement accounts. They start out just documenting their home projects. Sponsorships follow and they start making money. Once all the projects are done, now what? Time to buy a new fixer-upper, a beach house, or an old school bus! And, now, as a follower, you’re basically just watching ads.

I did think the author looked pretty cool, she’s roughly my age, so I thought I’d check it out, but she goes into a lot of detail about clothing designers and I got bored. Fashion’s not really my thing, so I was probably not the right audience for this one.

[Joey Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Permission to create and recreate yourself

Is she narcissistic? Of course! Yet she celebrates the very act of spending time to get to know who you are and how you can present yourself. It was a fun read, and, yes, today I bought a tube of Hermes lipstick and a Kangol hat so that I, too, could be a badass on days of choice.

[JJ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pretty neat looking lady, but I thought I’d like the book better. I look up to and am fascinated by iconic and colorful older ladies. I’m just not that interested in fashion and this book was a bit dry. It was about 3 hours too long. DNF 80%

[Yesenia Cash · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very repetitive, however, I enjoyed the story. Lacked a little depth which is why I couldn't give it a higher rating.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is well written and engaging to read, but most importantly it comes across so real and honest. I’ve followed @iconaccidental for about 6 years, and I love how the shifts and changes in Slater’s instagram life are given some context in this book. To top it all off, there are a number of life lessons and gems of wisdom sprinkled throughout, so that at times it reads as a bit of a self help. Very well done, thank you so much for this little gem of a book!