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The Absence
As a member of Big in Japan, The Slits and, most famously, Siouxsie and the Banshees and The Creatures, 'Budgie' was an era-defining drummer in the much-mythologised post punk scene of the late 1970s and early 1980s.
But before he was Budgie, Peter Clarke was a boy growing up in working class St Helens in the 1960s. The loss of his mum at a young age created the absence that haunts the pages of this book. As a teenager disenchanted with art school in Liverpool, Peter became Budgie and befriended the likes of Jayne Casey, Pete Burns and other luminaries of the legendary Eric's Club before taking off for London and the big city heat of punk. Budgie's unique technique and musical sensitivity endeared him to the all-female group The Slits, who asked him to play on their debut album Cut. Subsequent touring with former members of the Sex Pistols and others from the post punk aristocracy firmly established Budgie's reputation for innovation.
But the beating heart of this at times painfully honest account of a life often sabotaged is, of course, his long-term position as Siouxsie and the Banshees' drummer and co-writer alongside his ex-wife Siouxsie Sioux. Their creative partnership produced some of the most seductive and celebrated pop music of the decade. Eventually, their personal relationship started to fall apart, with inevitable consequences for both bands. The Absence is bravely unflinching in its dissection of how and why this happened, and powerfully moving in its account of the angels that emerged to heal both these wounds and those of a mother's lost love. A man and musician whose creativity and singular style came to define the goth-pop 1980s, Budgie's life is both fabulously glamorous and a cautionary tale. For the first time the story of the era's most exalted and mysterious bands has been told by one who survived inside the belly of the beast.
But before he was Budgie, Peter Clarke was a boy growing up in working class St Helens in the 1960s. The loss of his mum at a young age created the absence that haunts the pages of this book. As a teenager disenchanted with art school in Liverpool, Peter became Budgie and befriended the likes of Jayne Casey, Pete Burns and other luminaries of the legendary Eric's Club before taking off for London and the big city heat of punk. Budgie's unique technique and musical sensitivity endeared him to the all-female group The Slits, who asked him to play on their debut album Cut. Subsequent touring with former members of the Sex Pistols and others from the post punk aristocracy firmly established Budgie's reputation for innovation.
But the beating heart of this at times painfully honest account of a life often sabotaged is, of course, his long-term position as Siouxsie and the Banshees' drummer and co-writer alongside his ex-wife Siouxsie Sioux. Their creative partnership produced some of the most seductive and celebrated pop music of the decade. Eventually, their personal relationship started to fall apart, with inevitable consequences for both bands. The Absence is bravely unflinching in its dissection of how and why this happened, and powerfully moving in its account of the angels that emerged to heal both these wounds and those of a mother's lost love. A man and musician whose creativity and singular style came to define the goth-pop 1980s, Budgie's life is both fabulously glamorous and a cautionary tale. For the first time the story of the era's most exalted and mysterious bands has been told by one who survived inside the belly of the beast.
313 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 17, 2025
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180 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
August 2, 2025
Interesting, but perhaps slightly self indulgent. Taking everything said about Siouxsie with a hefty grain of salt.
November 17, 2025
Wow, this was intense. Difficult, ugly, vulnerable and sad. I met Budgie once, in Nashville after a Creatures show for the Anima Animus tour. He was sweet, a beautiful gentleman with a mischievous glint in his eye, kindly indulgent of my obvious adoration. I have cherished the memory of our conversation and the warmth and generosity he displayed by sharing his time with a fan. After reading The Absence, I realize how fortunate I was to meet him during a period of sobriety. I met Siouxsie too, very briefly, but it was Budgie who took time to ask me questions, engage with me with curiosity, who made me feel like I was worthy of his interest. We talked about many things, had a lovely chat. Had he not been sober, I am certain now that the encounter would either never have happened or been very different. In the context of the things he reveals in this book, about the depth of both his and Siouxsie’s unhappiness, detachment and frustration, trauma, coping mechanisms, drug use and alcohol addictions, and that their relationship was irreparably degrading during that time frame, it changes the way I recall that meeting. Not in a good way or a bad way, but in a way that lends more depth to the entire experience. Dark waters below. People are always, always going through so much more than we ever guess. People we admire as entertainers and artists are often so different than who we imagine them to be.
Reading this book, as a fan of both Siouxsie and the Banshees and The Creatures music, was rough in ways, enlightening in others. I imagine I’ll be processing these stories, and how I experience their music, for a very long time. I know it will change things and it will be interesting to discover just how it does.
Knowing that the views that Budgie (or rather, Peter) present cannot be taken as absolute fact is critical, since one side is never a full story and a person who was admittedly shitfaced drunk for much of the time they are describing is a highly unreliable narrator. But there is enough here to convince me that he is presenting an account of his life as he truly believes it to have taken place. He doesn’t seem to deny or sugarcoat his absolutely abhorrent behaviors. He does try to explain and, if not excuse them, then at minimum, blame his feelings of victimization, loss and lack of self-worth as being at their root. There are times when it is impossible not to find his admissions completely inexcusable and repellent. Many times, it felt invasive to read. A curtain drawn back on a scene not meant to be witnessed. Perhaps, knowing that so much of his own behavior was witnessed by countless eyes already, with and without his awareness, makes the exposure less severe for him, but I doubt the same can be said for Siouxsie. Nonetheless, we are all entitled to tell our own stories, and he couldn’t have told his without including her in it. I believe he has likely written this stark, pain filled retrospective with the intention of taking accountability and possibly as a way to better understand and process his own identity and actions. To become a better man. I hope that is the course he plots and stays true to.
I sincerely hope that they are both able to heal from the traumas of early their lives, and also those they may have inflicted upon each other and those around them.
Reading this book, as a fan of both Siouxsie and the Banshees and The Creatures music, was rough in ways, enlightening in others. I imagine I’ll be processing these stories, and how I experience their music, for a very long time. I know it will change things and it will be interesting to discover just how it does.
Knowing that the views that Budgie (or rather, Peter) present cannot be taken as absolute fact is critical, since one side is never a full story and a person who was admittedly shitfaced drunk for much of the time they are describing is a highly unreliable narrator. But there is enough here to convince me that he is presenting an account of his life as he truly believes it to have taken place. He doesn’t seem to deny or sugarcoat his absolutely abhorrent behaviors. He does try to explain and, if not excuse them, then at minimum, blame his feelings of victimization, loss and lack of self-worth as being at their root. There are times when it is impossible not to find his admissions completely inexcusable and repellent. Many times, it felt invasive to read. A curtain drawn back on a scene not meant to be witnessed. Perhaps, knowing that so much of his own behavior was witnessed by countless eyes already, with and without his awareness, makes the exposure less severe for him, but I doubt the same can be said for Siouxsie. Nonetheless, we are all entitled to tell our own stories, and he couldn’t have told his without including her in it. I believe he has likely written this stark, pain filled retrospective with the intention of taking accountability and possibly as a way to better understand and process his own identity and actions. To become a better man. I hope that is the course he plots and stays true to.
I sincerely hope that they are both able to heal from the traumas of early their lives, and also those they may have inflicted upon each other and those around them.
August 10, 2025
This book will not please anyone who has served Siouxsie Sioux up on a pedestal. Budgie is very candid about himself and their relationship...and the massive drinking. He does not paint himself as an angel...he admits to his issues. He understands hers. He just sought to confront his while she did not hers. This put the final nail in the relationship.
He covers his musical journey, his burying himself behind his persona, and his struggle to feel and mourn what was the moment that made him who he is.
All is well written and it may disappoint some Siouxsie and The Banshees fans.
He covers his musical journey, his burying himself behind his persona, and his struggle to feel and mourn what was the moment that made him who he is.
All is well written and it may disappoint some Siouxsie and The Banshees fans.
September 18, 2025
Siouxsie and the Banshees were part of the soundtrack of my youth. My band were even the opening act for them when they played São Paulo and Santos, Brazil, in 1986, which was a great honor. The man behind the drums, Budgie, wrote a biography, that I was eager to read. Funny enough, it did not move me as it should. Quite the contrary, his book managed to destroy the respect and awesomeness that I had for the Banshees. I always imagined them apart from normal rock stars, being low profile, intellectual artists, distancing themselves from normal pop acts. But quite the contrary, a bunch of drunk musicians, always looking for the next hit. Couldn’t believe I was reading about the Banshees, not a Guns and Roses, for example. Another aspect of the book is that it turns out to be a platform for Budgie to put out his frustrations, bottled up for so long, as for example his emotionless marriage to Siouxsie. People are always warned not to get up close to the artists they admire. In the case of these memoirs, I totally agree.
July 19, 2025
Incredible and well written book. It may be a cliche but I really couldn't put this down.
September 24, 2025
This was great. I love Siouxsie & the Banshees, but I didn't know how much about their great drummer Budgie. I knew he had a long relationship and marriage to the legendary Sioxusie, but that's about it.
The only criticism I have with this is that it is assumed that the reader knows a lot about the Banshees and Budgie (rather than it being a new, fresh introduction to Budgie).
Surprisingly, Budgie doesn't really go into Siouxsie as a person and the nitty gritty of their relationship. Yes, he details their time together (the good and mostly the bad), but you can tell it's done with respect and still keeps the mystique that surround Siouxsie Sioux.
The only criticism I have with this is that it is assumed that the reader knows a lot about the Banshees and Budgie (rather than it being a new, fresh introduction to Budgie).
Surprisingly, Budgie doesn't really go into Siouxsie as a person and the nitty gritty of their relationship. Yes, he details their time together (the good and mostly the bad), but you can tell it's done with respect and still keeps the mystique that surround Siouxsie Sioux.
August 31, 2025
An honest account of his years as a rock star who is at heart a sensitive soul who copes with life through alcohol. I felt sad for both Siouxsie & Budgie for their failed relationship. Finished it in one setting.
August 24, 2025
So profoundly sad
November 28, 2025
A page turner, but so very sad.
Years before the internet, we only had the music and the late night tv shows playing the film clips of Siouxsie and the Banshees and The Creatures. I loved their music and I loved their style.
Living in Australia and being on the other side of the world, we literally knew nothing about the band or the people behind the sound. Though I did get to see them live in Melbourne once in the 90’s. It was an amazing show.
Now it’s all here and I never expected this book to be so personal and open Siouxsie and Budgies relationship. It pretty brutal.
It’s strange having such a deep insight into the lives of musicians who I have loved for decades. It’s like being a stranger at the table. Should I be here?
As dark as it comes across, I think it’s important to remember that this is only one side to the story and I am sure if she wrote her memoir, it would paint a very different picture and we can’t judge the people in this book. People do terrible things to each other in long destructive relationships. I know and have been there.
I will still always love their music and how creative and original they were. And I wish them all the best for the future, moving forward and onwards to new creative projects and find the good in people around them again.
Years before the internet, we only had the music and the late night tv shows playing the film clips of Siouxsie and the Banshees and The Creatures. I loved their music and I loved their style.
Living in Australia and being on the other side of the world, we literally knew nothing about the band or the people behind the sound. Though I did get to see them live in Melbourne once in the 90’s. It was an amazing show.
Now it’s all here and I never expected this book to be so personal and open Siouxsie and Budgies relationship. It pretty brutal.
It’s strange having such a deep insight into the lives of musicians who I have loved for decades. It’s like being a stranger at the table. Should I be here?
As dark as it comes across, I think it’s important to remember that this is only one side to the story and I am sure if she wrote her memoir, it would paint a very different picture and we can’t judge the people in this book. People do terrible things to each other in long destructive relationships. I know and have been there.
I will still always love their music and how creative and original they were. And I wish them all the best for the future, moving forward and onwards to new creative projects and find the good in people around them again.
August 4, 2025
4-Stars: Really liked it.
Does it chip away at the mystique of Siouxsie and the Banshees, and especially of Siouxsie herself? Of course. But not malignantly. And not in a way that would surprise anyone.
It's part poetic musings, part self-therapy, and part industry/recording studio mechanics breakdown. And of course, lots of drugs and alcohol. He opens the door to his past, but doesn't fling it open. And he never gets salacious, except to disparage his own faults and foibles.
It clears up things, clarifies moments, gives a clearer timeline to my memories of hearing them, and seeing Robert Smith involved but never knew to what extent, or why. It puts them in a time and place with other performers I was aware of: Steven Strange, Paul Rutherford, Pete Burns, and others.
Listened to it on Spotify, and Budgie reads it himself, which was a smart choice. He knows how to perform his own material.
Does it chip away at the mystique of Siouxsie and the Banshees, and especially of Siouxsie herself? Of course. But not malignantly. And not in a way that would surprise anyone.
It's part poetic musings, part self-therapy, and part industry/recording studio mechanics breakdown. And of course, lots of drugs and alcohol. He opens the door to his past, but doesn't fling it open. And he never gets salacious, except to disparage his own faults and foibles.
It clears up things, clarifies moments, gives a clearer timeline to my memories of hearing them, and seeing Robert Smith involved but never knew to what extent, or why. It puts them in a time and place with other performers I was aware of: Steven Strange, Paul Rutherford, Pete Burns, and others.
Listened to it on Spotify, and Budgie reads it himself, which was a smart choice. He knows how to perform his own material.
July 19, 2025
I will be honest and state that I prefer the first two Banshees albums so didn't know a great deal about Budgie apart from his music life and marriage to Siouxsie. This wasn't always an easy read but it was honest. Music, alcoholism, occasional drugs and an unusual relationship with Siouxsie. Losing his mum at a young age and a distinct lack of affection within his family contributed to the clusterfuck that was his life. Hopefully writing this will have helped Budgie in later years. I can relate to his younger years. I didn't lose a close family member in my youth but our parents rarely showed any affection at all and I had to learn how to show affection and express my feelings, but this book isn't about me. I truly hope that, like me, that Budgie has found happiness.
November 29, 2025
I loved this. As a huge fan of the Banshees and that whole musical scene in general, who was just a little too young to really catch it in its prime, the insight was fascinating. It's a good companion to Wayne Hussey's Salad Days since he and Budgie were both alumni of the Liverpool scene centered around Eric's (although I think Hussey arrived in Liverpool around the time Budgie left for London). There are some tantalizing details of the work that went into The Banshees' albums, although much more detail on The Creatures, which is maybe understandable given Budgie's greater creative input there. I'm sure there's another side to his telling of his relationship with Siouxsie, but Budgie definitely doesn't paint himself as the wronged party - he owns his flaws.
December 2, 2025
if you're interested in the drummer from Siouxsie and the Banshees then this is the book for you! I love the Banshees and having met Budgie a couple of weeks ago at an event where he was talking about the book and doing signings, it was great to read it. Lots of drunken escapades that quickly spiral into serious addiction and some very dark moments, but it's never too gloomy or grim. It is illustrated by Budgie's sketches which are very accomplished. He comes across as a lovely man, with some tragic events in his past. A glimpse into being a pop star from the early 80s to the mid 90s and then finding your way ahead as a musician after all that fades. Very readable.
August 28, 2025
very good book, it's very interesting to hear about Budgie life experiences with various bands most notably Siouxsie and the Banshees, with events marked by his mothers untimely passing as a young child and how it affected him. I know there were some criticisms about him having written about Siouxsie in this light but that's just his life experience and has every right to share it how he wishes.
October 3, 2025
Rock-excesser galore som det er hørt før, men også en stærk, personlig historie om hvordan et barndomstraume sætter retningen for et voksenliv, der er følelsesmæssigt forkrøblet eller uforløst. Den legendariske sanger Siouxsie Sioux vil nok gå ren Cruella over læsningen og udleveringen fra sin eks, som ikke efterlader nogen noter om kærlighed ligge tilbage. Men underholdende og velfortalt.
October 22, 2025
As a fan of Siouxsie and The Banshees back in the day, I was excited to pick this up and was not disappointed. Some entertaining anecdotes mixed with a real insight into Budgie's background and personality. The death of his mother at an early age clearly had a lasting impact and shaped the way his life has progressed. A great read.
November 27, 2025
It was interesting and I don’t really love rating memoirs. I was bored at the beginning interested in the middle and tired by the end. ….Still a life and an interesting one at that. I read someone else say that they would take the accounts of others like Siouxsie with a grain of salt. Yes, I will take it for what it is. One side of things.
August 19, 2025
Thoroughly enjoyed the read, intrigued by the characters who populated the scene at the time and how they all knew each other.
Would love if Siouxsie wrote hers to experience the other side of the story.
Would love if Siouxsie wrote hers to experience the other side of the story.
August 23, 2025
I am glad there was a happy-ish ending.
October 9, 2025
very honest memoir that lays all the cards out on the table. there's no pretense or mystery here. would recommend if you're interested. 5 stars. tysm for the arc.
December 2, 2025
Dark, interesting. Especially when he is focusing on the drumming, the descriptions of how he developed his way, his style of taking on the music with the Banshees & The Creatures.
September 15, 2025
Peter "Budgie" Clarke was the drummer for The Slits, Siouxsie and the Banshees, and The Creatures. Among others. I'm a fan of all those artists so was always going to read this.
It's a great insider biography of life being in those groups, and being married to Siouxsie Sue.
It's also good on Budgie’s childhood, losing his mother and the Liverpool punk scene.
The long years involved in a turbulent relationship with Siouxsie are truly eye opening, as is the alcohol consumption by most of the those involved in the Banshees. Yet again we are reminded that the rock n roll lifestyle is really quite a miserable and depressing way of life.
More generally The Absence is brave and brutally honest. Less about the music and more about bereavement, trauma, addiction, codependency, and (presumably after a lot of therapy) the unconscious motivations behind his dysfunctional behaviour. Even after getting sober there are no easy resolutions for Budgie. It's a more complex, nuanced and ongoing process.
Lord knows how Siouxsie feels about having their married life laid bare. We'll probably never know given her disinclination to speak about such things.
4/5
It's a great insider biography of life being in those groups, and being married to Siouxsie Sue.
It's also good on Budgie’s childhood, losing his mother and the Liverpool punk scene.
The long years involved in a turbulent relationship with Siouxsie are truly eye opening, as is the alcohol consumption by most of the those involved in the Banshees. Yet again we are reminded that the rock n roll lifestyle is really quite a miserable and depressing way of life.
More generally The Absence is brave and brutally honest. Less about the music and more about bereavement, trauma, addiction, codependency, and (presumably after a lot of therapy) the unconscious motivations behind his dysfunctional behaviour. Even after getting sober there are no easy resolutions for Budgie. It's a more complex, nuanced and ongoing process.
Lord knows how Siouxsie feels about having their married life laid bare. We'll probably never know given her disinclination to speak about such things.
4/5
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