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143 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 4, 2014
I think my best bet is to keep still and let the snow fall, let the days get long again, the light return its hours to me, a few more chances a day to figure out what it is I can comfortably keep in front of me and see.
For me, there isn't some miracle cure, this is my life, or my disease will progress and my life will change focus again, and I'll have another new life.
I need C to stay right where he is now because for now, I don't know enough to move from where I am.
My hypothesis is that the light will come back, both outside and inside me.
I'm afraid and angry, but the light is a theory I want to prove.
Until then, I just have to keep the experiment going with as many controls as possible.
One bus, back and forth.
One store.
One man, his words under glass.
I wonder if he practices making awkward and nerdy look sort of cool. Like he fills his house with furniture that is the wrong scale for his tall body and buys plaid shirts in bulk and tells his barber to leave crazy, too-long pieces of hair mixed in with the regularly cut hair so everything always looks messy.
Then he runs his hands through his hair and puts on his plaid shirts and uses mirrors to watch himself sit in uncomfortable furniture until comfortable furniture looks like it's the one with the problem.

I don't want him to kiss a sad-sack microbiologist who takes one bus and has given up vegetarianism because she's afraid to go the the good grocery store and sits in the dark at night passing notes with a stranger and needs her mom to talk her asleep.
I want him to kiss Christmas Jenny.
I want him to kiss the Jenny who's cleared up all the fights and misunderstanding with herself, and will have love, for a whole year.
I want him to kiss the Jenny who has figured out how to collect all this new data on her new life where the equipment's changed.
I want him to kiss the Jenny who's remembered that even if everything looks different, it doesn't mean what she sees isn't good data.
Light and dark have their purpose, in them, we can see different kinds of things, or protect others. Or sometimes, the most beautiful lights would not be seen as well without some blackness behind them.