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Paperback
Published December 16, 2025






“The words tore out of him like something ripped free, shattering in the air between them.”
This is just muddy. “The words tore out of him” already conveys lack of control. The simile that follows adds no new information not to mention it’s a synonym, not an effective comparison. It’s also imageless (something a simile shouldn’t be) Ripped free from what? What is the “something”? This doesn’t clarify or deepen understanding.
“When he finally forced himself to raise his head, the man in the mirror looked lost, as if the hunger clinging to his skin had stripped away every piece of who he thought he was.”
WTF is this? The phrase “hunger clinging to his skin” is jarringly nonsensical. Hunger is an internal state. When used figuratively its meant to symbolize deprivation. Having it serve an external tactile purpose and cling to skin is... well, it's certainly a choice. Not a good one. The language is ornate for the sake of it without any real sense or narrative work behind it
“Liam sat rigid in the glow of a thousand eyes, certain that if he turned his head even an inch, everyone would see the truth written across his face.”
“Glow of eyes” is drivel. It pulls focus away from the stronger element, Liam’s fear of exposure. When metaphor competes with the moment it doesn’t enrich or serve the writing, it weakens it.