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Downsizing The Family Home: What to Save, What to Let Go
It’s a rite of passage almost no one will the difficult, emotional journey of downsizing your or your aging parents' home. Here, nationally syndicated home columnist Marni Jameson sensitively guides readers through the process, from opening that first closet, to sorting through a lifetime's worth of possessions, to selling the homestead itself. Using her own personal journey as a basis, she helps you figure out a strategy and create a mindset to accomplish the task quickly, respectfully, rewardingly—and, in the best of situations, even memorably. Throughout, she combines her been-there experience with insights from national experts—antiques appraisers, garage-sale gurus, professional organizers, and psychologists—to offer practical wisdom and heartwarming advice so you know with certainty what to keep, toss or sell.
237 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 5, 2016
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538 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 185 reviews
October 25, 2023
This book is full of common sense and written in a conversational style including stories and anecdotes, as well as practical advice. While I enjoyed it, I didn't feel as if I learned anything new.
February 24, 2023
I have already had to go through this process for my father, both of my in-laws and more recently my mother. It does give one pause to examine their own household and the task they leave behind to their loved ones. I had previously said to myself that I would be better off not owning a house as I approach the end of my life. It would be best for all to just rent (a small place with limited storage). I hope I can live up to that goal.
I would highly recommend this book to everyone. NOW!, BEFORE you fill your life with stuff. It helps one remember that the world is not full of material possessions nor passions. Spend your resources on time with your loved ones and experience the joy of family and friends. Think fondly of those who have passed and if you keep a trinket or two that is okay, but don't let it rule your life. In turn, don't accumulate an insane amount of stuff, just to have someone later agonize over having to dispose of your treasures. I have far too many of my parent's old things that are worthless, except to a son holding onto old and priceless remembrances.
Have a GoodReads.
I would highly recommend this book to everyone. NOW!, BEFORE you fill your life with stuff. It helps one remember that the world is not full of material possessions nor passions. Spend your resources on time with your loved ones and experience the joy of family and friends. Think fondly of those who have passed and if you keep a trinket or two that is okay, but don't let it rule your life. In turn, don't accumulate an insane amount of stuff, just to have someone later agonize over having to dispose of your treasures. I have far too many of my parent's old things that are worthless, except to a son holding onto old and priceless remembrances.
Have a GoodReads.
May 16, 2019
I recently lost my husband and will soon be moving to a much smaller place. I read about this book on the AARP website and thought it would be very useful in helping me begin the daunting process of downsizing. The title and synopsis of this book suggested that it was for people of all situations looking to downsize. However this is not the case at all. There are a few bits here and there about general downsizing with basic suggestions on how to begin sorting things (keep, can't decide, trash) but it's written for adult children who are faced with cleaning out their parents home. If this is what you need, you will find most of the information helpful. I did not. There are chapters on when to decide to sell the house, how to sell the house, having an estate sale, deciding that it's time to move your parents to another place, etc.
Some of the general suggestions were helpful (keeping a swatch of a dress/shirt and framing it) but some were quite odd. I cannot see emptying an entire closet and then having to put everything back just so that it's easier to eliminate things. The author promised that she would give suggestions on how to "let go" of things out of sentiment and so forth, but all through the book she stated that she just "couldn't' do it"and eventually hired professional help. About 2/3 was more like a memoir of her childhood memories. She complained that she was only able to take a week off from work to fly to her childhood home, but some of us don't even have that much time, let alone the money to hire someone to help.
If you are in the situation of having to go through a parent's home and decide what to keep and what to toss, I recommend this book only because it's geared for that "market", but don't expect to see any monumental suggestions on how to let go of things.
In all fairness, the title of the book is "Downsizing the Family Home" so perhaps I should have paid more attention, but I am disappointed that there wasn't much information on how to let go. I guess I have to figure that out for myself.
Some of the general suggestions were helpful (keeping a swatch of a dress/shirt and framing it) but some were quite odd. I cannot see emptying an entire closet and then having to put everything back just so that it's easier to eliminate things. The author promised that she would give suggestions on how to "let go" of things out of sentiment and so forth, but all through the book she stated that she just "couldn't' do it"and eventually hired professional help. About 2/3 was more like a memoir of her childhood memories. She complained that she was only able to take a week off from work to fly to her childhood home, but some of us don't even have that much time, let alone the money to hire someone to help.
If you are in the situation of having to go through a parent's home and decide what to keep and what to toss, I recommend this book only because it's geared for that "market", but don't expect to see any monumental suggestions on how to let go of things.
In all fairness, the title of the book is "Downsizing the Family Home" so perhaps I should have paid more attention, but I am disappointed that there wasn't much information on how to let go. I guess I have to figure that out for myself.
October 13, 2016
Great book for people who are clearing out their parents home and don't know where to start. Though after reading about the author's experience with selling the contents and the home of her parents, you'll be tempted to hire professionals to handle it for you based on the energy and time commitment involved. Ideally the book is read well before a move is needed; it will act as a motivator to get readers to get much of the work done ASAP.
Overall a practical book, an easy read with helpful takeaways at the end of each chapter, and personal anecdotes that are entertaining and make for a lighthearted read. Yet Jameson still addresses the topic with sensitivity, acknowledging the emotions and challenges that arise when dealing with family and in some cases aging parents.
Overall a practical book, an easy read with helpful takeaways at the end of each chapter, and personal anecdotes that are entertaining and make for a lighthearted read. Yet Jameson still addresses the topic with sensitivity, acknowledging the emotions and challenges that arise when dealing with family and in some cases aging parents.
December 18, 2018
A lot of the gripes I've read in other reviews about this book had to do with the author calling in celebrity organizer friends for advice. Surprisingly, this didn't bother me, as she did her best to share their insights and a bit of their "expertise". My problem was that I've watched these celebrities on TV and they have always come across as seeming much more concerned about a house looking like a magazine cover than a home to a family with history. So I pretty much disregarded what they had to contribute (especially the one who said he's never had a single regret over a decision to get rid of something - baloney). The same can be said of the authors of other books I've read about downsizing and getting organized.
But Jameson is the first author that I've come across who truly seems to get the visceral emotional attachments people have to stuff. I've dealt with downsizing three times with parents, and am now going through it myself, with a possible move in mind, as well as trying to minimize the burden for my kids when the time comes. This reader thought Jameson had some good advice on how estate sales, auctions, etc. work, as well as information about protecting the heirlooms one decides to hold on to, and what factors should be considered while making those decisions. Not all of it was new, but it was laid out well, concise, and took into account psychological factors as well as monetary concerns and design preferences.
I didn't agree with everything that Jameson advised, and I wish some of the content had been more specific to my particular belongings (of course). Some of what she had to say just made me incredibly sad, i.e. that nobody, including your kids, wants most of your stuff, and that a lifetime's worth of accumulation sold at an estate sale, on average, only brings in a few thousand measly dollars. But my experience tells me that these things are true, and as much as it may hurt, it's a reality that has to be confronted.
Bottom line: having finished Downsizing the Family Home I have fresh ideas, and certain decisions seem much easier to make. I'm motivated. No other book I've read of this type has had the same result.
But Jameson is the first author that I've come across who truly seems to get the visceral emotional attachments people have to stuff. I've dealt with downsizing three times with parents, and am now going through it myself, with a possible move in mind, as well as trying to minimize the burden for my kids when the time comes. This reader thought Jameson had some good advice on how estate sales, auctions, etc. work, as well as information about protecting the heirlooms one decides to hold on to, and what factors should be considered while making those decisions. Not all of it was new, but it was laid out well, concise, and took into account psychological factors as well as monetary concerns and design preferences.
I didn't agree with everything that Jameson advised, and I wish some of the content had been more specific to my particular belongings (of course). Some of what she had to say just made me incredibly sad, i.e. that nobody, including your kids, wants most of your stuff, and that a lifetime's worth of accumulation sold at an estate sale, on average, only brings in a few thousand measly dollars. But my experience tells me that these things are true, and as much as it may hurt, it's a reality that has to be confronted.
Bottom line: having finished Downsizing the Family Home I have fresh ideas, and certain decisions seem much easier to make. I'm motivated. No other book I've read of this type has had the same result.
November 23, 2019
Looking for motivation to tackle my house. I almost passed on this one because I didn't think I was quite AARP material yet, and that's who published this book. But, actually this book had sound advice. The author takes the reader through her own down-sizing project and over the course of the project offers advice and perspectives that helped her and others. Her writing style is breezy, self deprecating, and compassionate. I think the #1 tip I'll take away from her book was to treat the project like a treasure hunt. I'm going to take 3 - 5 things from this phase of life into my next phase. They should make me smile and "spark joy" and all that. Then it's less about whittling away possessions and more about choosing the perfect treasure. Of course, the challenge in grief is that not a lot sparks joy and she's right about the process being open heart surgery without anesthetics. Still. It must be done. Wish me luck!
January 11, 2018
I received this book (from Santa) at my daughter's family home. Santa seemed to know that I"m on the brink of seriously downsizing my possessions in preparation for a move to Rhode Island to be nearer her family, and to experience living in a community far from where I've spent my life thus far.
I found the book to be really helpful. It has a number of guidelines to follow when deciding what to do with things, (Do you need it? Will you use it? Do you love it?) and resources for disposing of items that don't pass one of those as well as other criteria. Even more helpful to me are the ways she reframes the reader's attitudes toward possessions and living life. One that struck a chord with me is to move from thinking of downsizing to personal upgrading (freeing yourself to do things you really value.) I am blessed to have had the opportunity this past year to taste what that kind of freedom can bring.
The author organizes the information based on her process of emptying and selling her parents' home after they became unable to do it for themselves. Mid way through the book, she also shares how she is simultaneously making the decision to simplify her life by living in a smaller space. I feel affirmed in that she lifts up doing this process when you can do it as a family, rather than having the decisions have to be made by your adult children, as that is the plan I am choosing to do. The book is written both for adult children who have this task before them, and adults who make the decision to take the lead. I liked that while she presents a number of ways of doing the various aspects, I am not feeling pressured to follow every insight she shares and she included examples of points she made decisions inconsistent with what she is "teaching." This book helped me feel free to follow my heart as well as my mind in this next step in my life.
I found the book to be really helpful. It has a number of guidelines to follow when deciding what to do with things, (Do you need it? Will you use it? Do you love it?) and resources for disposing of items that don't pass one of those as well as other criteria. Even more helpful to me are the ways she reframes the reader's attitudes toward possessions and living life. One that struck a chord with me is to move from thinking of downsizing to personal upgrading (freeing yourself to do things you really value.) I am blessed to have had the opportunity this past year to taste what that kind of freedom can bring.
The author organizes the information based on her process of emptying and selling her parents' home after they became unable to do it for themselves. Mid way through the book, she also shares how she is simultaneously making the decision to simplify her life by living in a smaller space. I feel affirmed in that she lifts up doing this process when you can do it as a family, rather than having the decisions have to be made by your adult children, as that is the plan I am choosing to do. The book is written both for adult children who have this task before them, and adults who make the decision to take the lead. I liked that while she presents a number of ways of doing the various aspects, I am not feeling pressured to follow every insight she shares and she included examples of points she made decisions inconsistent with what she is "teaching." This book helped me feel free to follow my heart as well as my mind in this next step in my life.
August 30, 2018
OK, so I am in the middle of a downsize and this book was helpful, mostly because the author describes the many emotions you will go through, giving away, selling, and throwing away your "fully loaded" house, or your parents' house.
As a practical book, it could have been organized a bit better. Anecdotes are mixed in with practical "how-to's" and specific advice is hard to locate--so I just read the whole thing! I learned a bit more about estate sales, and the new online estate sales. It would be good if she talked a bit about the "Buy Nothing" movement which recently enabled me to give tons of stuff away that I thought no one would want.
As Jameson says, "if you're ever frozen in a small well of pity, just schedule the painters." So true. This is probably my fourth lightning-fast downsize, having been through my mother's possessions right after her death, my childhood things in a quick weekend as my dad was moving, going through my father's possessions a month or so after his death, and now getting ready to move! Jameson has that shared experience of living far away, having limited time, and having a real deadline (painters are coming and house is being sold). You really don't have the luxury of waffling over things, but you still experience all the emotion at warp speed!
Jameson reminds us, "When everything is important, nothing is important." Her suggestion to choose five things that help you to remember a loved one/a time gone by is super helpful. Otherwise, you're going to end up with a museum. She also sums things up quite wisely by saying, "We are not our stuff. Our loved ones are not our stuff." Thank you.
As a practical book, it could have been organized a bit better. Anecdotes are mixed in with practical "how-to's" and specific advice is hard to locate--so I just read the whole thing! I learned a bit more about estate sales, and the new online estate sales. It would be good if she talked a bit about the "Buy Nothing" movement which recently enabled me to give tons of stuff away that I thought no one would want.
As Jameson says, "if you're ever frozen in a small well of pity, just schedule the painters." So true. This is probably my fourth lightning-fast downsize, having been through my mother's possessions right after her death, my childhood things in a quick weekend as my dad was moving, going through my father's possessions a month or so after his death, and now getting ready to move! Jameson has that shared experience of living far away, having limited time, and having a real deadline (painters are coming and house is being sold). You really don't have the luxury of waffling over things, but you still experience all the emotion at warp speed!
Jameson reminds us, "When everything is important, nothing is important." Her suggestion to choose five things that help you to remember a loved one/a time gone by is super helpful. Otherwise, you're going to end up with a museum. She also sums things up quite wisely by saying, "We are not our stuff. Our loved ones are not our stuff." Thank you.
October 31, 2016
Jameson shares her hard-earned wisdom about downsizing homes, both her own and her parents. The book reads quickly and includes a few other case histories besides her own family. The author also provides resources for finding help and walks the reader through the process of buying a house. Advice includes recognizing that this is an emotional process which will hit you hard and edit your own life so your children aren't surprised with the crisis that the Jameson and her brother faced. She repeatedly reminds the reader that your stuff isn't worth as much as you think it is and your children don't want it.
May 1, 2016
I didn't find this book helpful. Yes, it was about downsizing the family home but it was about the authors journey liquidating her parents home. The author had several professional contacts that helped her. How many people can just contact Miller Gaffney? The average family doesn't have access to those contacts and could be prey to unscrupulous businesses when seeking help.
The book was more about the authors emotional journey during the process and her own recent life changes.
The book was more about the authors emotional journey during the process and her own recent life changes.
March 21, 2018
So good! I checked this out from the library but after reading it I purchase a copy to keep. I think this is so relevant for anyone with aging parents. And things I need to keep in mind as I get older and think about the things I am leaving behind as well.
June 1, 2016
We are not our stuff. Our loved ones are not their stuff. Keep what you love and nurtures you. Leave a few treasures for those you love to remember you by. Good advice!
February 5, 2022
Author Jameson not only downsized her own home, she had nine days to empty and list the house she grew up in, when her parents moved to assisted living. Fortunately, she had experience and connections, so she pulled it off, but the emotional challenges were there, and she grappled with them as we all must. This book tackles both the logistics and emotional roadblocks that come up as a person must empty the family home, whether the elderly parents are dead, disabled, or doing it themselves, or if it is a child or children, with a timeframe of days or months, and with various capacities for keepsakes or useful things. Many topics are addressed, including how to evaluate things, how to evaluate and sell items, how to wrangle the really tough stuff, where to find help, how to archive correctly, how to sell the house, and variations on this theme. I expect this to be useful in the near future.
April 14, 2023
Me: Downsizing the Family Home: What to Save, What to Let Go is a pretty good book, 3.5 stars.
Hubby: Don't throw it out before I get to read it!
And that, dear readers, captures the essence and value of this book. When it's time to pare down accumulated belongings from 50+ years of living, how do you respectfully and efficiently decide what to keep, what to sell and what to trash?
A couple of gems shared by Marni Jameson:
When sorting, ask these questions: Do I love it? Need it? Will I use it?
Tackle one area/closet at a time. Pace yourself!
Choose to keep rather than choose to throw out. For example, what 20 pairs of pants will I keep, rather than, what 10 pairs of pants will I throw out?
Another key insight is that the family treasures aren't worth what you think they are worth. There isn't a market for china, figurines or collections. And your kids don't want your stuff!
The book details the pros and cons of different strategies for downsizing, including yard sales, estate sales and liquidators. It also explains art valuation and the science of archival storage and shipping. I especially appreciated the chapter on what decorating updates led to a net resale value increase (at least in California). She spent under $15k, which resulted in a sale price net gain of nearly $100k.
Cost-effective housing updates:
Wallpaper removal and painting
Scraping popcorn ceilings
Swapping drapes for blinds
Replacing dated flooring and carpets
Upgrading chintzy baseboards
Upgrading lighting and bathroom fixtures
So why not a higher rating? The book was written in 2015, so it is somewhat dated. Things like how to use Facebook Marketplace aren't addressed, and the update costs and property valuations have no doubt changed.
Hubby: Don't throw it out before I get to read it!
And that, dear readers, captures the essence and value of this book. When it's time to pare down accumulated belongings from 50+ years of living, how do you respectfully and efficiently decide what to keep, what to sell and what to trash?
A couple of gems shared by Marni Jameson:
When sorting, ask these questions: Do I love it? Need it? Will I use it?
Tackle one area/closet at a time. Pace yourself!
Choose to keep rather than choose to throw out. For example, what 20 pairs of pants will I keep, rather than, what 10 pairs of pants will I throw out?
Another key insight is that the family treasures aren't worth what you think they are worth. There isn't a market for china, figurines or collections. And your kids don't want your stuff!
The book details the pros and cons of different strategies for downsizing, including yard sales, estate sales and liquidators. It also explains art valuation and the science of archival storage and shipping. I especially appreciated the chapter on what decorating updates led to a net resale value increase (at least in California). She spent under $15k, which resulted in a sale price net gain of nearly $100k.
Cost-effective housing updates:
Wallpaper removal and painting
Scraping popcorn ceilings
Swapping drapes for blinds
Replacing dated flooring and carpets
Upgrading chintzy baseboards
Upgrading lighting and bathroom fixtures
So why not a higher rating? The book was written in 2015, so it is somewhat dated. Things like how to use Facebook Marketplace aren't addressed, and the update costs and property valuations have no doubt changed.
A lifetime of judicious editing is a gift you give yourself and your children. Living well no matter what your stage in life means letting go as you grow...
May 5, 2025
Downsizing The Family Home: What to Save, What to Let Go by Marni Jameson (2016)
Downsizing The Home Book 1
+225-page Kindle Ebook 237 pages
Genre: Nonfiction, Home Organization, Decluttering, Selling
Featuring: Introduction: But It Was Mom’s!, The Home Front, A Tough Call How to Know When an Aging Parent Needs a New Home, Get the Right Mind-Set Facing the Fully Loaded House, Endowment Why We Get So Attached to Things, The First Cut Going Through It Together, Welcome to the Home Front A Blast from the Past, Plan E for Estate Sale For Sale: Fifty Years of Treasures!, How Much Is It Worth?, The Meaning of Value and the Fine Art of Appraising Antiques, For Art’s Sake Art, for What It’s Worth; Beyond the Estate Sale What to Sell Where - Garage or Yard Sales, Online, Vendors, Consignment Jewelry Buyers, Collectors, Auctions, Pawn Shops; The Treasure Hunt Tackling the Pile of Postponement, The Really Tough Stuff What to Do with Photos, Wedding Dresses, Military Medals, and More, You Don’t Have to Do This Alone, What the Pros Know Behind the Scenes at an Estate Sale, The Siblings The Year of the House, What’s a Household Worth? Putting a Price on the Priceless PART THREE: Downsizing Up, Moving On How to Know When It’s Time, Breaking Up with Stuff Is Hard to Do Help! I Know Better, For Keeps, Archival Storage How to Keep Stuff for Almost Ever, Handle with Care Shipping the Heirloom China and Other Breakables, Selling the Homestead Not Suffering Fools Kindly, Going, Going, Gone Five Offers, Two Letters, One House The Last Word: Some Housekeeping, Sources - Websites
Rating as a movie: PG-13
Books and Authors mentioned: Take the U out of Clutter: The Last Clutter Book You'll Ever Need by Mark Brunetz and Carmen Renee Berry; The Garage Sale Millionaire: Make Money with Hidden Finds from Garage Sales to Storage Unit Auctions and Everything in Between by Aaron LaPedis; The Grief Recovery Handbook, When Children Grieve, and Moving On all by Russell Friedman; Saving Stuff: How to Care for and Preserve Your Collectibles, Heirlooms, and Other Prized Possessions by Don Williams
Memorable Quotes: “It’s not the stuff we have to deal with; it’s the stories behind the stuff,” Mark is known for saying. When the belongings we’re encountering are those of a parent, spouse, or child, they are even more charged, especially if the loved one is gone, he said. It also helps to understand that attachment is normal and healthy in humans, said Dr. Daniel Bober, a psychiatrist and assistant clinical professor at Yale School of Medicine. Attachments start very early. Think of an infant who gets attached to a parent or caretaker and then transfers the good warm feelings to a blanket or stuffed animal he or she associates with that comfort and security. Adults make similar transfers to objects that they endow with meaning; a wedding ring is one of the most powerful. When we lose someone dear and go through his or her stuff, it’s painful because these objects get merged with the person and then further remind us that everything in life is temporary, explained Dr. Bober. “That makes us want to hang on to these objects.” To help yourself let go, tell yourself that the important attachment is not to any object but to the person the object represents. “Whether you keep the object or let it go doesn’t change your connection to a loved one,” he said.
Don’t put it off. Procrastination is the root of all clutter. Now is better than later. When you play kick the can down the road, guess what? The problem always gets bigger. Purge regularly and often.
When you’re tempted to hang on to something, ask yourself what will become of this item in ten years if you hang on to it.
Worth is a worthless term. The value a person states for a possession is most always far greater than what the item would ever sell for. That’s especially true of collectibles. In a collectors’ catalog—which often can be found online by searching by item type, such as Hummel collectible catalogs—an item will be listed for one value, but if you want to sell it, you won’t get anywhere near that. Manage your expectations accordingly.
Family history is usually wrong. Remember the story of my friend’s grandmother’s “Tiffany” lamp? The legend of an item’s provenance tends to grow over the generations. It’s like the game of telephone. Everyone changes the meaning a little, embellishing along the way. An owner will say, “My great-great-great-great-grandmother brought this clock over from England on a boat in 1640.” There may even be a letter inside saying so. But then you find that the clock was made in the United States in 1820.
Choose meaning over value. “Don’t grab the most valuable pieces,” said Gary Sullivan, who for years did estate liquidation sales for families. “That’s what people do, but that’s not the right decision. Keep what means something. If you have an antique that a dealer is willing to buy for $5,000 and you decide to keep it, you just bought it for $5,000. Ask yourself if you would pay that, because you just did.” Take the belongings that were special and that give you the greatest positive connection. “If you love your mom’s dinner dishes and could use them, keep them,” Gary said.
Some families need to sort and sell their family belongings themselves, but others benefit from hiring an objective outsider. Consider the culture of your family and then decide.
Face the feelings. Don’t be emotionally lazy. Ask yourself what you’re avoiding by not opening a box or sorting the papers in a file cabinet and then face it head on, or the situation will mushroom. • Don’t fret. “People often ask me if I have ever regretted giving something away,” Mark said. “No, I haven’t. It’s always been the opposite.” • Build your sorting muscle. Sorting through your stuff or your parents’ takes mental, emotional, and physical effort. But the more you do it, the better you get at it and the easier it gets. “It’s like a muscle that’s been dormant,” he said. “Use it and it gets stronger.”
THE STORY: Being a writer, reader, and book clubber, I have lots of books. When packed for a move, they fill about fifteen banker’s boxes. Yes, I have gone through them. Two moves ago I donated 110 books to charity, and by the time I moved to my sixth, and last, staging project I set aside yet another full box to donate. But most I cannot release. They feel like family. But there are just so many, and they weigh on me. BRUNETZ: “Have you read them?” ME: “Oh, yes.” BRUNETZ: “Are you going to read them again?” I PAUSE, AND HE FILLS THE SILENCE: “No. You are on to the next book.” ME: “But they feel like a part of me.” BRUNETZ: “Give them to the closest library or donation center.” THE OUTCOME: I think about this and decide I will meet him halfway and cut my collection by 50 percent.
THE STORY: I have used a paper-based time management system since 1995. Every year, I get a new set of calendar pages along with a neat box labeled to archive my old calendar. Thus, I have twenty boxes, each about the size of a hardback dictionary, of calendars chronicling every meeting, phone call, and task. I never refer to them; however, I save them, I guess, because they are literally, kind of, my life. BRUNETZ: “Here’s a little gray area. As a writer, you are a chronicler of stories and may find value in that information and need those archives. But let me ask you, why are you hanging on?” ME: “In case someone asks me, and I hope no one does, what I have done with my life. I can look at my notes.” BRUNETZ: “I could argue that you keep them. But consider paying an intern to scan them into a digital file so they don’t take up space.” THE OUTCOME: I probably am not going to scan them because I probably would lose that file, but I will keep them for now.
You are not your kids’ attic. When kids move out, the family house often remains a repository for all their memorabilia: baseball gloves, ice skates, school pictures. “It’s not your job to save everything from your children’s lives,” Kay said. “Box up what belongs to each kid and send it to them.” If it’s furniture you no longer want but your children do, tell them to claim it now or never. Don’t be the family storage locker. Mary Kay adds that a recurring theme she hears from empty nesters is that they wish their adult kids would have claimed their stuff sooner. “For a while it comforts both parties to have the grown child’s belongings at home,” Mary Kay said. But when the children are in their forties and their scouting badges are still in the basement, it’s time to purge.
My rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟📦🗃🗑💰
My thoughts: 🔖Page 18 of 225/237 [Chapter] 3 Endowment Why We Get So Attached to Things - This book is busy, so far it feels like she's talking in circles.
🔖40 [Chapter] 6 Plan E for Estate Sale For Sale: Fifty Years of Treasures! - So far, this book has a few nuggets, but for the most part, it is regurgitated common knowledge information.
🔖119 [Chapter] 14 What’s a Household Worth? Putting a Price on the Priceless - This has been moving along nicely I have learned a lot although hopefully, I won't need it anytime soon. I'm not sure if Craigslist in eBay or as reliable as they used to be so I did not include them by name. I know some companies will come to your house and sort everything between trash donate and sell, do it for you, and then give you tax receipts and a portion of the cash, they haven’t mentioned them yet.
This book was great. I'm definitely in need of getting rid of some of my books, and I agree because many of the books I have are out of print or rare so I just can't get them from the library or buy a new one if I want to read them again. What this book made me realize is I have years of planners and budgets I need to let go of. I still have my binders from high school and all of my kids ' stuff. They don't want them so I'm going to have to toss out toddler artwork, and honestly I wish I had tossed it 20 years ago. I'm not sure I'll get the workbook but my mom is moving in so book 3 may be helpful.
Recommend to others: Yes! This book is fantastic.
Downsizing the Home
1. Downsizing The Family Home: What to Save, What to Let Go
2. Downsizing the Family Home: A Workbook: What to Save, What to Let Go
3. Downsizing the Blended Home: When Two Households Become One
Downsizing The Home Book 1
+225-page Kindle Ebook 237 pages
Genre: Nonfiction, Home Organization, Decluttering, Selling
Featuring: Introduction: But It Was Mom’s!, The Home Front, A Tough Call How to Know When an Aging Parent Needs a New Home, Get the Right Mind-Set Facing the Fully Loaded House, Endowment Why We Get So Attached to Things, The First Cut Going Through It Together, Welcome to the Home Front A Blast from the Past, Plan E for Estate Sale For Sale: Fifty Years of Treasures!, How Much Is It Worth?, The Meaning of Value and the Fine Art of Appraising Antiques, For Art’s Sake Art, for What It’s Worth; Beyond the Estate Sale What to Sell Where - Garage or Yard Sales, Online, Vendors, Consignment Jewelry Buyers, Collectors, Auctions, Pawn Shops; The Treasure Hunt Tackling the Pile of Postponement, The Really Tough Stuff What to Do with Photos, Wedding Dresses, Military Medals, and More, You Don’t Have to Do This Alone, What the Pros Know Behind the Scenes at an Estate Sale, The Siblings The Year of the House, What’s a Household Worth? Putting a Price on the Priceless PART THREE: Downsizing Up, Moving On How to Know When It’s Time, Breaking Up with Stuff Is Hard to Do Help! I Know Better, For Keeps, Archival Storage How to Keep Stuff for Almost Ever, Handle with Care Shipping the Heirloom China and Other Breakables, Selling the Homestead Not Suffering Fools Kindly, Going, Going, Gone Five Offers, Two Letters, One House The Last Word: Some Housekeeping, Sources - Websites
Rating as a movie: PG-13
Books and Authors mentioned: Take the U out of Clutter: The Last Clutter Book You'll Ever Need by Mark Brunetz and Carmen Renee Berry; The Garage Sale Millionaire: Make Money with Hidden Finds from Garage Sales to Storage Unit Auctions and Everything in Between by Aaron LaPedis; The Grief Recovery Handbook, When Children Grieve, and Moving On all by Russell Friedman; Saving Stuff: How to Care for and Preserve Your Collectibles, Heirlooms, and Other Prized Possessions by Don Williams
Memorable Quotes: “It’s not the stuff we have to deal with; it’s the stories behind the stuff,” Mark is known for saying. When the belongings we’re encountering are those of a parent, spouse, or child, they are even more charged, especially if the loved one is gone, he said. It also helps to understand that attachment is normal and healthy in humans, said Dr. Daniel Bober, a psychiatrist and assistant clinical professor at Yale School of Medicine. Attachments start very early. Think of an infant who gets attached to a parent or caretaker and then transfers the good warm feelings to a blanket or stuffed animal he or she associates with that comfort and security. Adults make similar transfers to objects that they endow with meaning; a wedding ring is one of the most powerful. When we lose someone dear and go through his or her stuff, it’s painful because these objects get merged with the person and then further remind us that everything in life is temporary, explained Dr. Bober. “That makes us want to hang on to these objects.” To help yourself let go, tell yourself that the important attachment is not to any object but to the person the object represents. “Whether you keep the object or let it go doesn’t change your connection to a loved one,” he said.
Don’t put it off. Procrastination is the root of all clutter. Now is better than later. When you play kick the can down the road, guess what? The problem always gets bigger. Purge regularly and often.
When you’re tempted to hang on to something, ask yourself what will become of this item in ten years if you hang on to it.
Worth is a worthless term. The value a person states for a possession is most always far greater than what the item would ever sell for. That’s especially true of collectibles. In a collectors’ catalog—which often can be found online by searching by item type, such as Hummel collectible catalogs—an item will be listed for one value, but if you want to sell it, you won’t get anywhere near that. Manage your expectations accordingly.
Family history is usually wrong. Remember the story of my friend’s grandmother’s “Tiffany” lamp? The legend of an item’s provenance tends to grow over the generations. It’s like the game of telephone. Everyone changes the meaning a little, embellishing along the way. An owner will say, “My great-great-great-great-grandmother brought this clock over from England on a boat in 1640.” There may even be a letter inside saying so. But then you find that the clock was made in the United States in 1820.
Choose meaning over value. “Don’t grab the most valuable pieces,” said Gary Sullivan, who for years did estate liquidation sales for families. “That’s what people do, but that’s not the right decision. Keep what means something. If you have an antique that a dealer is willing to buy for $5,000 and you decide to keep it, you just bought it for $5,000. Ask yourself if you would pay that, because you just did.” Take the belongings that were special and that give you the greatest positive connection. “If you love your mom’s dinner dishes and could use them, keep them,” Gary said.
Some families need to sort and sell their family belongings themselves, but others benefit from hiring an objective outsider. Consider the culture of your family and then decide.
Face the feelings. Don’t be emotionally lazy. Ask yourself what you’re avoiding by not opening a box or sorting the papers in a file cabinet and then face it head on, or the situation will mushroom. • Don’t fret. “People often ask me if I have ever regretted giving something away,” Mark said. “No, I haven’t. It’s always been the opposite.” • Build your sorting muscle. Sorting through your stuff or your parents’ takes mental, emotional, and physical effort. But the more you do it, the better you get at it and the easier it gets. “It’s like a muscle that’s been dormant,” he said. “Use it and it gets stronger.”
THE STORY: Being a writer, reader, and book clubber, I have lots of books. When packed for a move, they fill about fifteen banker’s boxes. Yes, I have gone through them. Two moves ago I donated 110 books to charity, and by the time I moved to my sixth, and last, staging project I set aside yet another full box to donate. But most I cannot release. They feel like family. But there are just so many, and they weigh on me. BRUNETZ: “Have you read them?” ME: “Oh, yes.” BRUNETZ: “Are you going to read them again?” I PAUSE, AND HE FILLS THE SILENCE: “No. You are on to the next book.” ME: “But they feel like a part of me.” BRUNETZ: “Give them to the closest library or donation center.” THE OUTCOME: I think about this and decide I will meet him halfway and cut my collection by 50 percent.
THE STORY: I have used a paper-based time management system since 1995. Every year, I get a new set of calendar pages along with a neat box labeled to archive my old calendar. Thus, I have twenty boxes, each about the size of a hardback dictionary, of calendars chronicling every meeting, phone call, and task. I never refer to them; however, I save them, I guess, because they are literally, kind of, my life. BRUNETZ: “Here’s a little gray area. As a writer, you are a chronicler of stories and may find value in that information and need those archives. But let me ask you, why are you hanging on?” ME: “In case someone asks me, and I hope no one does, what I have done with my life. I can look at my notes.” BRUNETZ: “I could argue that you keep them. But consider paying an intern to scan them into a digital file so they don’t take up space.” THE OUTCOME: I probably am not going to scan them because I probably would lose that file, but I will keep them for now.
You are not your kids’ attic. When kids move out, the family house often remains a repository for all their memorabilia: baseball gloves, ice skates, school pictures. “It’s not your job to save everything from your children’s lives,” Kay said. “Box up what belongs to each kid and send it to them.” If it’s furniture you no longer want but your children do, tell them to claim it now or never. Don’t be the family storage locker. Mary Kay adds that a recurring theme she hears from empty nesters is that they wish their adult kids would have claimed their stuff sooner. “For a while it comforts both parties to have the grown child’s belongings at home,” Mary Kay said. But when the children are in their forties and their scouting badges are still in the basement, it’s time to purge.
My rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟📦🗃🗑💰
My thoughts: 🔖Page 18 of 225/237 [Chapter] 3 Endowment Why We Get So Attached to Things - This book is busy, so far it feels like she's talking in circles.
🔖40 [Chapter] 6 Plan E for Estate Sale For Sale: Fifty Years of Treasures! - So far, this book has a few nuggets, but for the most part, it is regurgitated common knowledge information.
🔖119 [Chapter] 14 What’s a Household Worth? Putting a Price on the Priceless - This has been moving along nicely I have learned a lot although hopefully, I won't need it anytime soon. I'm not sure if Craigslist in eBay or as reliable as they used to be so I did not include them by name. I know some companies will come to your house and sort everything between trash donate and sell, do it for you, and then give you tax receipts and a portion of the cash, they haven’t mentioned them yet.
This book was great. I'm definitely in need of getting rid of some of my books, and I agree because many of the books I have are out of print or rare so I just can't get them from the library or buy a new one if I want to read them again. What this book made me realize is I have years of planners and budgets I need to let go of. I still have my binders from high school and all of my kids ' stuff. They don't want them so I'm going to have to toss out toddler artwork, and honestly I wish I had tossed it 20 years ago. I'm not sure I'll get the workbook but my mom is moving in so book 3 may be helpful.
Recommend to others: Yes! This book is fantastic.
Downsizing the Home
1. Downsizing The Family Home: What to Save, What to Let Go
2. Downsizing the Family Home: A Workbook: What to Save, What to Let Go
3. Downsizing the Blended Home: When Two Households Become One
July 13, 2016
Downsizing the Family Home by Marni Jameson is a book I should have read 45 years ago and at least every 10 years since. Marni Jameson, writing for AARP, is responding to the loads and loads of stuff everyone collects and leaves for their children/ grandchildren to dispose of. She starts out by suggesting ways to respectfully get rid of parent's junk when they go into retirement homes, or pass on. Then she tells those who are still lively to get rid of their junk while they are still able as the greatest gift you can give your children. That's where I am at, although I went through the disposal of parents stuff twice, both when my mother moved and when my husband's mother moved. That is where part of my gigantic overload comes from. "Keep what you want; it is yours now and you will never get another chance at it. You can get rid of it later." is/was a common phrase I repeated to myself. So I kept and kept, and kept, and now I'm not sure I can appropriately deal with it all. No one to blame but me, but here I am.
Marni's advice is excellent. Live (while sorting the junk) in the present, not in a glorious memory field of the former good times (they were with people, not their stuff) or a mythical future when your children will want all the same stuff your grandparents did (they won't; it is no longer practical. Fine china and cut glassware won't last in a dishwasher.) Keep only what you yourself decide to. To make that decision, ask three questions about each piece: Do I need it? (last year's tax returns and the title to your property aren't attractive, but you need them). Do I use it? (Cut glass is more attractive, but a bent pot you use everyday is more worthwhile). Do I really love it? (Hold the item for 5 minutes and ask whether you really want to dust it every day for the rest of your life.) Let everything else go. Excellent advice and I wish, I wish, I wish I had followed those 3 questions about every item I own for the last 50 years. I didn't.
Now I have a huge task in front of me. If I succeed, it is my gift to our children. And of course here is where Marni's book falls short. While she does make suggestions, she obviously was not faced with the hideous task I am. I will try, but I honestly don't know if I can succeed without help--more help than a book can give me.
I do recommend the book as an excellent start at putting you in the right mindset. Practical help? You may need more.
Marni's advice is excellent. Live (while sorting the junk) in the present, not in a glorious memory field of the former good times (they were with people, not their stuff) or a mythical future when your children will want all the same stuff your grandparents did (they won't; it is no longer practical. Fine china and cut glassware won't last in a dishwasher.) Keep only what you yourself decide to. To make that decision, ask three questions about each piece: Do I need it? (last year's tax returns and the title to your property aren't attractive, but you need them). Do I use it? (Cut glass is more attractive, but a bent pot you use everyday is more worthwhile). Do I really love it? (Hold the item for 5 minutes and ask whether you really want to dust it every day for the rest of your life.) Let everything else go. Excellent advice and I wish, I wish, I wish I had followed those 3 questions about every item I own for the last 50 years. I didn't.
Now I have a huge task in front of me. If I succeed, it is my gift to our children. And of course here is where Marni's book falls short. While she does make suggestions, she obviously was not faced with the hideous task I am. I will try, but I honestly don't know if I can succeed without help--more help than a book can give me.
I do recommend the book as an excellent start at putting you in the right mindset. Practical help? You may need more.
January 19, 2018
I read "Downsizing the Family Home" by Marni Johnson in less than a day (and I am a slow reader). This book was EXACTLY what I needed at this time in my life - both in terms of being the child of my aging parents, and in terms of being a homeowner and a parent myself.
What I loved about Johnson's book:
- its current appeal - I have read the statistic many times that 10,000 Baby Boomers reach retirement age each day in America - she tells us that, "Between 2010 and 2030, the U.S. population age sixty-five and older will jump by 80 percent. By 2030, one in five Americans will be eighty-five or older." - as a result, our traditionally youth centered culture will need a significant paradigm shift - we will need to look at alternative visions of what "home" will look like as we age and what "quality" of life will look like at each of these stages
- that she weaves her own personal journey into the advice that she gives - it gives the book legitimacy because she has lived this
- unlike most of us, Johnson had experts that she could consult along the way - and she shares the wisdom of these experts with us
- the organizational style - she looks at each stage in the process of "downsizing" chronologically, and at the end of her description of each stage, she gives us an easy to follow list of takeaways - I can now easily go back and consult each of these lists as needed - I garnered a lot of practical knowledge here that will be useful to me
I could not put this book down! I have read a lot of books on the "third act," but this one spoke most loudly to me. Highly, highly recommended for Gen-Xers, Boomers, and the Silent Generation!
What I loved about Johnson's book:
- its current appeal - I have read the statistic many times that 10,000 Baby Boomers reach retirement age each day in America - she tells us that, "Between 2010 and 2030, the U.S. population age sixty-five and older will jump by 80 percent. By 2030, one in five Americans will be eighty-five or older." - as a result, our traditionally youth centered culture will need a significant paradigm shift - we will need to look at alternative visions of what "home" will look like as we age and what "quality" of life will look like at each of these stages
- that she weaves her own personal journey into the advice that she gives - it gives the book legitimacy because she has lived this
- unlike most of us, Johnson had experts that she could consult along the way - and she shares the wisdom of these experts with us
- the organizational style - she looks at each stage in the process of "downsizing" chronologically, and at the end of her description of each stage, she gives us an easy to follow list of takeaways - I can now easily go back and consult each of these lists as needed - I garnered a lot of practical knowledge here that will be useful to me
I could not put this book down! I have read a lot of books on the "third act," but this one spoke most loudly to me. Highly, highly recommended for Gen-Xers, Boomers, and the Silent Generation!
March 30, 2018
One of the best things you can do for your grownup children is to start cleaning out closets and get rid of "stuff" you no longer want or need so they don't have to deal with it sometime in the future. This book talks about the task of emptying the home you grew up in because your parents died or moved into assisted living, as well as tackling the clutter in your current home saving your children from facing this monumental job. There are good suggestions of ways to let go. One woman had collected tea pots from places she traveled. She chose five to keep, took pictures of the other 70 and put them in a photo album. Remember that you will have the memories even if you don't have the items. You could experience a sense of freedom when you don't have all those possessions to take care of. Great advice but difficult to follow through because it's easier to put if off until later.
January 26, 2017
I highly recommend this book for anyone facing a move or a parents or grandparents move. It offered practical advice and tips for the whole process. The book also provided a needed hand to hold from someone who's been there before. The task can be physically, mentally and emotionally taxing.
The book showed that while downsizing may be hard it can ultimately be a very rewarding process for everyone involved.
It offers good advice for what to save and what to let go and how to do it right. This is a good book for elderly adults, their adult children and even their grandchildren. This book is for anyone going to be a part of a downsizing move and wants helpful practical advice given with a little heart.
The book showed that while downsizing may be hard it can ultimately be a very rewarding process for everyone involved.
It offers good advice for what to save and what to let go and how to do it right. This is a good book for elderly adults, their adult children and even their grandchildren. This book is for anyone going to be a part of a downsizing move and wants helpful practical advice given with a little heart.
May 31, 2019
We need more of these books out there. Mostly a journey through the author's disposition of her parents home when they were too old to do anything about it and were moved into assisted living. They had not sorted or updated anything for years, and the children were left with the entire task. It helps challenge the notion that our stuff has value, as mostly it does not. She worked out a block of uninterrupted time to tackle it all, and used many professionals to appraise furniture, re-carpet, paint, list the house, and still had to deal with charity shops, consignment shops, antique dealers, trash and a garage/estate sale. A great reminder to do more now, or someone else will be stuck with it later.
March 14, 2019
This is a great book. This is a book about going in an cleaning out your parents/family home. It also suggests what you can do, as a parent, to keep from having to kids to go through this ordeal. What I would suggest is that you read sections 3 & 4 first. It talks about how to disassociate yourself from your “stuff”. Then go back and start from the beginning which explains to you the different ways of getting rid of your stuff. At the end they had to somewhat update the home so they could put it on the market. There are some inexpensive ways to really bring up the value of an older home. Worth the read.
December 7, 2016
Very helpful for either cleaning out your house yourself or helping someone do it.
September 25, 2018
Helpful when sentiment and emotional attachments are a barrier to downsizing, and also provides many practical tips for disposing of different types of possessions.
May 3, 2020
In May 2020, the Organize 365 book reviews will focus on estate planning and home organizing. My first book to review is Downsizing The Family Home: What to Save, What to Let Go by Marni Jameson.
Marni wrote this book as she was clearing out her family estate after the loss of her parents. I loved how practical this book was! She shared real, logical thoughts and her process for dealing with all of the stuff. The most profound suggestion in the book is to focus on what to keep, not what to let go. This was especially helpful when Emily and I settled our Dad’s estate. The book also led us through unpacking the memory behind the items. This book also helped me to understand the actual monetary value of the stuff left in the house.
If you are anticipating settling an estate or downsizing, I highly recommend reading this book soon!
Watch my full review on YouTube at https://youtu.be/Yo5s30ZMqd4
Marni wrote this book as she was clearing out her family estate after the loss of her parents. I loved how practical this book was! She shared real, logical thoughts and her process for dealing with all of the stuff. The most profound suggestion in the book is to focus on what to keep, not what to let go. This was especially helpful when Emily and I settled our Dad’s estate. The book also led us through unpacking the memory behind the items. This book also helped me to understand the actual monetary value of the stuff left in the house.
If you are anticipating settling an estate or downsizing, I highly recommend reading this book soon!
Watch my full review on YouTube at https://youtu.be/Yo5s30ZMqd4
November 16, 2021
Although a lot of the links and companies she mentions (endorses) are outdated and parts of it involve a lot of name-dropping, there is enough good information and tips in this book to make it worth the read. Most AARP publications read like a infomercial anyway, so you just have to overlook that to get to the meat of the matter.
It's a quick read. I read it in literally one day. While it would have been enormously helpful ten years ago when we were faced with having to clear out two houses -- with not only fifty years of paperwork in the attic, but scores of "collectibles" -- after a death in the family, it's still an effective kick-in-the-pants reminder of how to get started with some good old-fashioned de cluttering and downsizing before "should" becomes "must."
It's a quick read. I read it in literally one day. While it would have been enormously helpful ten years ago when we were faced with having to clear out two houses -- with not only fifty years of paperwork in the attic, but scores of "collectibles" -- after a death in the family, it's still an effective kick-in-the-pants reminder of how to get started with some good old-fashioned de cluttering and downsizing before "should" becomes "must."
July 8, 2021
A lot of common sense advice readers probably already know, but still a good overall book, particularly about the various ways to get rid of stuff.
November 10, 2024
I liked this book, it walks you through, step by step, how to go through a home and see what to keep- what do you value, how to determine the true value of the things you want to get rid of.
Some places missed the mark (an entire chapter on art, for example- I don't know many who need that chapter, but I'm sure it's helpful for some.
What I liked the most was the "highlights"- the points pulled out that capture the core points of the chapter, with margin markers so they were easy to find.
It's a heavy topic, but this helps it feel a little less overwhelming
Some places missed the mark (an entire chapter on art, for example- I don't know many who need that chapter, but I'm sure it's helpful for some.
What I liked the most was the "highlights"- the points pulled out that capture the core points of the chapter, with margin markers so they were easy to find.
It's a heavy topic, but this helps it feel a little less overwhelming
October 10, 2019
I borrowed this from the library and it was so worth the read. It helped change my perspective on "stuff" and upon finishing it I promptly passed it along to my mum.
July 23, 2017
I just finished selling and packing up my own house after the death of my husband. I wish I had months to go through what I did. But I didn't. And the author Marni Jameson had less time then I did to get her parents house cleaned out and ready to sell. I read this book to give myself a grade as to how I did.
While she said storage units are not a good idea, oops I have 3. I feel that I can make some good decisions on what I have left to go through. I loved her: Do you need it to live your life right now? Would you use it? Am I keeping it out of guilt?
I moved my mother into a retirement center days before my husband's diagnosis. I moved her again a year later. Unfortunately she has a cottage so now I need to go through all of that. My dad was an avid photographer, what to do with negatives? She covered that well and I will be looking into good archival boxes.
In the beginning it bothered me that she had such an extensive list of professionals she could contact at the drop of a hat. Who has those people? But what she learned she passed on. She leaves you with lots of contacts to help your situation. While I may be out of my house and my mother in a retirement community I still have a good deal of sorting to do. If I use at least 3-5 of her ideas then I am way ahead of where I was before I saw this book on the shelf at a library.
While she said storage units are not a good idea, oops I have 3. I feel that I can make some good decisions on what I have left to go through. I loved her: Do you need it to live your life right now? Would you use it? Am I keeping it out of guilt?
I moved my mother into a retirement center days before my husband's diagnosis. I moved her again a year later. Unfortunately she has a cottage so now I need to go through all of that. My dad was an avid photographer, what to do with negatives? She covered that well and I will be looking into good archival boxes.
In the beginning it bothered me that she had such an extensive list of professionals she could contact at the drop of a hat. Who has those people? But what she learned she passed on. She leaves you with lots of contacts to help your situation. While I may be out of my house and my mother in a retirement community I still have a good deal of sorting to do. If I use at least 3-5 of her ideas then I am way ahead of where I was before I saw this book on the shelf at a library.
Read
June 6, 2016This was the absolute right book for me at the absolute right time. I have cleaned out my parents' house and am now in the process of downsizing my own house with a view to moving. Don't think that if you are staying put that this book would not be relevant. If you've gone through the gut wrenching ordeal of cleaning out your parents' house, you know that minimizing your own junk will be much easier on your children when the time comes. Miss Jameson has been both downsizing her parents and herself so she has seen this issue from both sides. The book is absolutely full of hints, ideas, strategies for accomplishing this yourself. Since Ms. Jameson is an journalist in the home design field, she was able to draw on many professional organizers, real estate agents, etc whose suggestions are also in the book. A book that will make you alternately laugh and cry, I highly recommend reading this book. Even if you don't take the author's suggestions, you'll at least you are not alone in this endeavor.
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