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Gray
Sometimes, late at night in the hotel room, after the lights have gone out and the mistakes have already been made, when it is heavy and silent and still, I lie awake and listen to my pulse on the pillow…
Imagine you are on a tour bus, the miles whistling away beneath you as you sleep. Tomorrow you will wake up in downtown Somewhere. It doesn’t matter. All the skylines look the same. Time is only marked by events. The world is on a first-name basis with you.
But you…you barely even know yourself. There are those who give in completely to the idea of what it means to be famous. And those who can’t ever seem to leave the past behind. Life is a deep and contemplative story stuck on repeat—love, loss, self-destruction, self-discovery.
If you could go back to the way things were before you made it…would everything still be gray?
Imagine you are on a tour bus, the miles whistling away beneath you as you sleep. Tomorrow you will wake up in downtown Somewhere. It doesn’t matter. All the skylines look the same. Time is only marked by events. The world is on a first-name basis with you.
But you…you barely even know yourself. There are those who give in completely to the idea of what it means to be famous. And those who can’t ever seem to leave the past behind. Life is a deep and contemplative story stuck on repeat—love, loss, self-destruction, self-discovery.
If you could go back to the way things were before you made it…would everything still be gray?
240 pages, Hardcover
First published January 8, 2013
203 people are currently reading
4007 people want to read
About the author
Pete Wentz
10 books544 followersPeter Lewis Kingston "Pete" Wentz III (born June 5, 1979) is an American musician, lyricist and Music video director, most famous for his work with the Chicago-based band Fall Out Boy. In recent years, he has hosted the MTV program FNMTV. Wentz was born Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III, in Wilmette, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago, Illinois. He is the son of Dale Wentz, a high school admissions counselor of Hawaiian and Indian heritage,[citation needed] and Pete Wentz II, a lawyer. He attended New Trier High School and North Shore Country Day School, where he was an all-state soccer player. During his freshman year of high school, he began skipping school regularly and a school counselor convinced his parents to send him to boot camp to straighten him out. During this time, Wentz began writing songs as a way to vent out his frustrations. After graduating from high school in 1997, he attended DePaul University where he studied political science, dropping out one quarter shy of graduation to focus more on music.
Wentz recalled in a Rolling Stone interview that his earliest musical memory was listening to The Foundations' song "Build Me Up Buttercup" in the back of his dad's car.
Wentz recalled in a Rolling Stone interview that his earliest musical memory was listening to The Foundations' song "Build Me Up Buttercup" in the back of his dad's car.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 380 reviews
February 21, 2013
I think a lot of the people who are reviewing this book don't understand the mind of the author AT ALL, and are therefore disappointed because they went into this expecting some sort of Fall Out Boy autobiography, not realizing that this is an individual's novel, which is, I'm assuming based on the knowledge I have of Wentz's life, based on true events. Do all stories NEED a point? Do all stories NEED a moral? No. That's why writing is CREATIVE, because there are essentially no rules. And if you're all about rules, then don't read a book you know you're not going to enjoy.
I loved this book. Wentz has a very similar mind to mine, so it did not depress me at all, like most of the reviews said, and I did not think it was repetitive or boring. It was comforting to know there are other people in the world who think like myself.
I loved this book. Wentz has a very similar mind to mine, so it did not depress me at all, like most of the reviews said, and I did not think it was repetitive or boring. It was comforting to know there are other people in the world who think like myself.
January 7, 2015
I don't normally write reviews for books. Rather than splash my critiques onto the internet, I keep my thoughts to myself, holding them close, keeping them personal. After all, reviews are just opinions, subjective words waiting to be disagreed with and argued. However, in the case of Gray by Pete Wentz, I am making a rare exception.
Gray is moving, deep, poignant and depressing. It's beautiful and engrossing. It will break your heart wide open, force you to stare into its dark void, sew up the wound again and push you further down the path.
It's like a 240 page Fall Out Boy song--catchy and thought-provoking. I want to highlight paragraphs, write down sentences so that I can look back at them later and revisit the emotion. I want to crawl inside its darkness and listen to the silence. I want to hug him, offer him what he's searching for, hold out my hands to him and reassure him that everything is going to be okay (even if I'm not entirely sure myself that it will).
I found myself wanting to read pages out loud to my husband so that he could share in the profoundness with me, but reading it alone just seemed to match the isolation written on the pages.
This book makes me want to delve into my own characters even more and expose their flaws and eccentricities for all the world to read, not caring what the critics say and pick apart. Now, more than ever, I want to embrace life, revel in its unexpected beauty, endure its pain, laugh when it throws me for a loop, prove everything (and everyone) wrong. I want to notice every little detail. The sounds, the light, the smells. Everything.
Any book that can bring forth such emotion deserves recognition. Gray is that book and I look forward to rereading it whenever I need to be reminded.
Gray is moving, deep, poignant and depressing. It's beautiful and engrossing. It will break your heart wide open, force you to stare into its dark void, sew up the wound again and push you further down the path.
It's like a 240 page Fall Out Boy song--catchy and thought-provoking. I want to highlight paragraphs, write down sentences so that I can look back at them later and revisit the emotion. I want to crawl inside its darkness and listen to the silence. I want to hug him, offer him what he's searching for, hold out my hands to him and reassure him that everything is going to be okay (even if I'm not entirely sure myself that it will).
I found myself wanting to read pages out loud to my husband so that he could share in the profoundness with me, but reading it alone just seemed to match the isolation written on the pages.
This book makes me want to delve into my own characters even more and expose their flaws and eccentricities for all the world to read, not caring what the critics say and pick apart. Now, more than ever, I want to embrace life, revel in its unexpected beauty, endure its pain, laugh when it throws me for a loop, prove everything (and everyone) wrong. I want to notice every little detail. The sounds, the light, the smells. Everything.
Any book that can bring forth such emotion deserves recognition. Gray is that book and I look forward to rereading it whenever I need to be reminded.
March 20, 2013
I loved this book, but I can understand why others might not.
The writing style, for example, is just purely Pete Wentz - it's self indulgent, self pitying, long running sentences with no pauses, but also beautiful, poetic, and charming.
I thought the book had so much heart, and Narrator was very relatable and honest. Too often I've read book aimed at young people depicting suicide or addiction and the writer has no idea whatsoever, but Pete, having gone through it all, gets it completely right.
There's something chilling about the book, as if it's almost too honest, as if Pete's telling you too much, but I really loved that about it.
It's a very different book from The Boy with the Thorn, which also great. It shows Pete's true potential as a serious writer.
There were times when the Narrator even started to bother me, he was constantly whining and arrogant, but it ended up making for a wonderful Anti Hero. The character of the narrator doesn't like himself, hence why he wants to make you love/hate him too. He talks himself up, despite his self-hate. He's cocky and arrogant, yet unsure and lacking self confidence. Pete's done a great job of making a character that is almost a caricature of himself, the way people often want to see him. There's truth in the story too, it's not all for show.
All in all, I adored the book. It was everything I hoped it would be. Pete's charming way with words, an accurate view of a young man lost and confused, and tragic love story.
The writing style, for example, is just purely Pete Wentz - it's self indulgent, self pitying, long running sentences with no pauses, but also beautiful, poetic, and charming.
I thought the book had so much heart, and Narrator was very relatable and honest. Too often I've read book aimed at young people depicting suicide or addiction and the writer has no idea whatsoever, but Pete, having gone through it all, gets it completely right.
There's something chilling about the book, as if it's almost too honest, as if Pete's telling you too much, but I really loved that about it.
It's a very different book from The Boy with the Thorn, which also great. It shows Pete's true potential as a serious writer.
There were times when the Narrator even started to bother me, he was constantly whining and arrogant, but it ended up making for a wonderful Anti Hero. The character of the narrator doesn't like himself, hence why he wants to make you love/hate him too. He talks himself up, despite his self-hate. He's cocky and arrogant, yet unsure and lacking self confidence. Pete's done a great job of making a character that is almost a caricature of himself, the way people often want to see him. There's truth in the story too, it's not all for show.
All in all, I adored the book. It was everything I hoped it would be. Pete's charming way with words, an accurate view of a young man lost and confused, and tragic love story.
June 14, 2013
3,5*
It´s pretty difficult for me to rate and decide whether I would recommend Gray.
The book is about the rise of the protagonist´s band, his struggle with anxiety and depression and his troubled relationship with 'Her'. If you have a certain knowledge about Pete Wentz himself and Fall Out Boy, you cannot but wonder how much Gray is inspired by Wentz´s personal experience with the music buisness.
However, Gray doesn´t really have a typical plot. It´s more a narration of a time period of a few years (don´t want to compare them, but Kerouac style somehow) than a real plot.
Aside from the the lack of plot, I thought that the story seriously lacked character development and kind of a lesson to learn.
I had also expected it to be a lot more about music. In the end, it really was more of story about the protagonist´s battle with himself.
The thing that bothered me most was that a huge part of the book focused on his relationship to Her and that I didn´t like Her at all. But that´s just a personal problem...
In spite of everything, I liked Gray nevertheless! I´ve never expected this book to have a huge plot in the first place and I´m a sucker for book by musicians.
I personally liked the dark atmomsphere of the book, but you should keep in mind that Gray is very very depressing and never overcomes this negative spirit.
What I loved most about the book was the writing style. The book is filled with lots and lots of metaphors. It is written so poetically and lyrically that you sometimes feel like in a long song.
I´d recommend Gray to people who like dark books about mental struggles combined with the music aspects.
If you´re instead expecting a great plot, complex characters and a moral lessen, you won´t get lucky with Gray!
It´s pretty difficult for me to rate and decide whether I would recommend Gray.
The book is about the rise of the protagonist´s band, his struggle with anxiety and depression and his troubled relationship with 'Her'. If you have a certain knowledge about Pete Wentz himself and Fall Out Boy, you cannot but wonder how much Gray is inspired by Wentz´s personal experience with the music buisness.
However, Gray doesn´t really have a typical plot. It´s more a narration of a time period of a few years (don´t want to compare them, but Kerouac style somehow) than a real plot.
Aside from the the lack of plot, I thought that the story seriously lacked character development and kind of a lesson to learn.
I had also expected it to be a lot more about music. In the end, it really was more of story about the protagonist´s battle with himself.
The thing that bothered me most was that a huge part of the book focused on his relationship to Her and that I didn´t like Her at all. But that´s just a personal problem...
In spite of everything, I liked Gray nevertheless! I´ve never expected this book to have a huge plot in the first place and I´m a sucker for book by musicians.
I personally liked the dark atmomsphere of the book, but you should keep in mind that Gray is very very depressing and never overcomes this negative spirit.
What I loved most about the book was the writing style. The book is filled with lots and lots of metaphors. It is written so poetically and lyrically that you sometimes feel like in a long song.
I´d recommend Gray to people who like dark books about mental struggles combined with the music aspects.
If you´re instead expecting a great plot, complex characters and a moral lessen, you won´t get lucky with Gray!
December 23, 2013
It took me a couple of days of reflection to bring myself to write a review. When Gray ended, I just wasn't sure how I felt. The rawness and honesty stuck with me. There are few books I continue thinking about long after I've finished.
Grey is the story of a musician and his progression through the industry. When I went into the read I was expecting a lot about the music, with a little romance on the side (sex sells, remember?). In fact, that's why I thought Amazon suggested it to me. Yes, this book has those things, but the book is about the character's relationships with the girl, his band, family, the world and, most importantly, himself.
And that was the real tragedy of the story; the character's relationship with himself.
There was one line that stood out to me, "I love the way you have with words." All I could think was EXACTLY. The way this man bends, molds, and rearranges simple words to create something so profound is nothing short of raw talent. Holy shit. I don't think I have ever highlighted that many passages in my entire life. Mostly because they were funny, but some because of the pure emotion he could provoke with a few words. All of them made me actually stop and think. Often, a laugh would follow.
"Freud suggests that in order to love someone else, one must love themselves. ... Unfortunately, no one really loves themselves. And, if they do, they need to get to know themselves better."
How fucking true is that?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not stepping on the Gray train and screaming this was the best book ever. I'm not saying the plot, grammar, etc, was epic. I'm saying that Wentz's brilliant use and manipulation of words is magical. That's what kept me going, because a story is just a story until the right person tells it.
This book is meant to be fictional, but something about it felt so personal. At times I was almost uncomfortable because it felt like Wentz himself was naked and vulnerable. I don't know how true any of the stories are, but they felt real. No matter how much you say you want to know somebody, there were times I just wanted out of this character's head. I wanted him to have some privacy, because everybody deserves a little bit of it.
I enjoyed how Wentz didn't put gloss on anything. It was honest, and unpretty at times (most of the time). But that was the point, I think. You have this character who wanted, and believed in, the fairy tale. He wanted the happily ever after. Instead, he got real life.
Even the details about the lifestyle, the expectations, the pressure -- it was certainly not glamorized. What is most frightening is that Wentz likely did fluff them a bit, and leave out some of the worst things. It's an entirely different world, and chances of survival seemed minimal.
The relationship the character had with Her is nothing shy of turbulent. It's such a love/hate thing that I was brought back to my late teens. Who hasn't had one of those relationships? Sometimes, they're the best. But other times, they can ruin you. It felt that these two kept swinging back and forth on what the damage was. She brought out the best and worst of him.
"The air in Her bedroom is heavy with smoke, but the fireworks are over."
He's in a band, and they're on the road to success, all while he is fighting his inner demons and the outside world. It's a reminder that these artists, the ones we "love" so much, are people. They have problems, and emotions. Just because his dreams are solidifying, it doesn't mean he's truly happy, and that's okay. That's life.
The symbolism is all over this story. I'm not great with spotting those things, but I have friends that are and strongly encouraged them to read this. I think it takes a creative mind to see and understand those things, which I don't have. I can definitely appreciate it, and I enjoyed what parts I did actually catch.
My only hang-up with the book was the ending. I had read the major spoiler beforehand (I don't like emotional blows; surprises are not my thing), but the actual ending was so unsettled. I think that was also symbolic, and many will appreciate that. I, personally, like more finality. But that's not life, and this book was definitely about the honesty of life.
I did find my new motto in this plethora of brilliant lines, because it completely describes me.
"Sometimes I am willing to believe in anything if it means ignoring the reality of the situation."
Overall, I can't help but recommend it. It's different from most books I review, but it's definitely earned its spot as a favorite. Just don't expect some happy ending, nicely boxed up with a bow - you won't find that here.
Unfortunately, something tells me I won't be able to just email this author to purchase a signed copy like I normally do. Oh well. And, yes, my review is lacking its normal inappropriate humor. I blame the sad book. No laughs for sad books.
Grey is the story of a musician and his progression through the industry. When I went into the read I was expecting a lot about the music, with a little romance on the side (sex sells, remember?). In fact, that's why I thought Amazon suggested it to me. Yes, this book has those things, but the book is about the character's relationships with the girl, his band, family, the world and, most importantly, himself.
And that was the real tragedy of the story; the character's relationship with himself.
There was one line that stood out to me, "I love the way you have with words." All I could think was EXACTLY. The way this man bends, molds, and rearranges simple words to create something so profound is nothing short of raw talent. Holy shit. I don't think I have ever highlighted that many passages in my entire life. Mostly because they were funny, but some because of the pure emotion he could provoke with a few words. All of them made me actually stop and think. Often, a laugh would follow.
"Freud suggests that in order to love someone else, one must love themselves. ... Unfortunately, no one really loves themselves. And, if they do, they need to get to know themselves better."
How fucking true is that?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not stepping on the Gray train and screaming this was the best book ever. I'm not saying the plot, grammar, etc, was epic. I'm saying that Wentz's brilliant use and manipulation of words is magical. That's what kept me going, because a story is just a story until the right person tells it.
This book is meant to be fictional, but something about it felt so personal. At times I was almost uncomfortable because it felt like Wentz himself was naked and vulnerable. I don't know how true any of the stories are, but they felt real. No matter how much you say you want to know somebody, there were times I just wanted out of this character's head. I wanted him to have some privacy, because everybody deserves a little bit of it.
I enjoyed how Wentz didn't put gloss on anything. It was honest, and unpretty at times (most of the time). But that was the point, I think. You have this character who wanted, and believed in, the fairy tale. He wanted the happily ever after. Instead, he got real life.
Even the details about the lifestyle, the expectations, the pressure -- it was certainly not glamorized. What is most frightening is that Wentz likely did fluff them a bit, and leave out some of the worst things. It's an entirely different world, and chances of survival seemed minimal.
The relationship the character had with Her is nothing shy of turbulent. It's such a love/hate thing that I was brought back to my late teens. Who hasn't had one of those relationships? Sometimes, they're the best. But other times, they can ruin you. It felt that these two kept swinging back and forth on what the damage was. She brought out the best and worst of him.
"The air in Her bedroom is heavy with smoke, but the fireworks are over."
He's in a band, and they're on the road to success, all while he is fighting his inner demons and the outside world. It's a reminder that these artists, the ones we "love" so much, are people. They have problems, and emotions. Just because his dreams are solidifying, it doesn't mean he's truly happy, and that's okay. That's life.
The symbolism is all over this story. I'm not great with spotting those things, but I have friends that are and strongly encouraged them to read this. I think it takes a creative mind to see and understand those things, which I don't have. I can definitely appreciate it, and I enjoyed what parts I did actually catch.
My only hang-up with the book was the ending. I had read the major spoiler beforehand (I don't like emotional blows; surprises are not my thing), but the actual ending was so unsettled. I think that was also symbolic, and many will appreciate that. I, personally, like more finality. But that's not life, and this book was definitely about the honesty of life.
I did find my new motto in this plethora of brilliant lines, because it completely describes me.
"Sometimes I am willing to believe in anything if it means ignoring the reality of the situation."
Overall, I can't help but recommend it. It's different from most books I review, but it's definitely earned its spot as a favorite. Just don't expect some happy ending, nicely boxed up with a bow - you won't find that here.
Unfortunately, something tells me I won't be able to just email this author to purchase a signed copy like I normally do. Oh well. And, yes, my review is lacking its normal inappropriate humor. I blame the sad book. No laughs for sad books.
March 2, 2013
this book kind of fucks you up a bit, puts you in a headspace that makes it almost a physical challenge to crawl out of again. i still give it five stars, it doesn't happen too often that a book makes me cry.
it’s a story of a fucked-up mind. it’s about love and loss, looking for something and running away from it at the same time.
the language is intensive and heavy, loaded with metaphors. it drags you in, it lulls you in, you want to know what is happening even though there’s not much. it’s what i call a trip-book. a book like a trip, you just have to finish it at any cost. and you have to do it fast. there are good and bad trips. there are the ones that you just have to finish for the sake of it and can’t really stop beacuse you want it to be over so badly. but this is a good trip. you want, no: need moremoremore and while you want to know how it ends at the same time you don’t want it end ever.
i wonder if that would’ve been the case as well when i wouldn’t know who pete was. i don’t know but i have the feeling that it would’ve been the same. i really tried to not read too much into everything, but it’s hard when he’s not so subtle. still, the longer the story went on, the better i could stop the constant asking if that was real or not.
it reminds me of a book i read when i was younger. it was a crime story and i can’t remember what it was called but the language was so heavy that i still remember it (and i read a lot of books when i was younger. we talk about an average of 5 books/week during holidays).
but even though it’s so heavy, there’s still a wit. there are loads of popcultural references and sometimes it’s even funny. one of my favourite scenes was when he’s getting caught, smelling his girlfriend’s sheets for traces of a stranger. what ensues is half a page of wondering why he’s never learned what to do in a situation like that. it’s very funny in a very sad way.
on the other hand, some of the scenes are too long, some events get laid out so much and you just want the story to go on, want something to happen.
the end is kind of inevitable. i kind of knew it was coming ¾ into the book, but it still hit me harder than i thought because it made things more real.
it’s a story of a fucked-up mind. it’s about love and loss, looking for something and running away from it at the same time.
the language is intensive and heavy, loaded with metaphors. it drags you in, it lulls you in, you want to know what is happening even though there’s not much. it’s what i call a trip-book. a book like a trip, you just have to finish it at any cost. and you have to do it fast. there are good and bad trips. there are the ones that you just have to finish for the sake of it and can’t really stop beacuse you want it to be over so badly. but this is a good trip. you want, no: need moremoremore and while you want to know how it ends at the same time you don’t want it end ever.
i wonder if that would’ve been the case as well when i wouldn’t know who pete was. i don’t know but i have the feeling that it would’ve been the same. i really tried to not read too much into everything, but it’s hard when he’s not so subtle. still, the longer the story went on, the better i could stop the constant asking if that was real or not.
it reminds me of a book i read when i was younger. it was a crime story and i can’t remember what it was called but the language was so heavy that i still remember it (and i read a lot of books when i was younger. we talk about an average of 5 books/week during holidays).
but even though it’s so heavy, there’s still a wit. there are loads of popcultural references and sometimes it’s even funny. one of my favourite scenes was when he’s getting caught, smelling his girlfriend’s sheets for traces of a stranger. what ensues is half a page of wondering why he’s never learned what to do in a situation like that. it’s very funny in a very sad way.
on the other hand, some of the scenes are too long, some events get laid out so much and you just want the story to go on, want something to happen.
the end is kind of inevitable. i kind of knew it was coming ¾ into the book, but it still hit me harder than i thought because it made things more real.
September 24, 2012
Find this review at Scott Reads It!
When I saw that Pete Wentz wrote a book I had to request it on Edelweiss. Pete Wentz is the renowned former bassist and lyricist of Fall Out Boy. Gray is inspired by the rise of Fall Out Boy and Pete's relationship with his girlfriend. I really wanted to like this book but I just couldn't.
Gray is a depressing book that really has no moral value. It is the story of Pete's drug addiction and battle with love. I really hated how depressing this book was and this is not a book to read when you're in a good mind. Gray is a story that is written with such fantastic language and prose. This book was filled with metaphors and was written so lyrically and poetically.
The great prose couldn't save this book from it's lack of developed characters and simplistic plot. Basically the main characters fights with drug abuse, he breaks up with girlfriend, and then he gets back together with her.
You know how on shampoo bottles it says Lather, Rinse and Repeat. This book was written with the instructions: Do Drugs, Break Up With GF, Get Back Together With GF and Repeat.
I really expected a book that would have some emotional and sentimental value. Wentz tries to written a heart-breaking tale but the reader doesn't know enough about his GF and him to have empathy. Instead of feeling sympathy or empathy I felt like this book was written in a sob-story fashion.
I thought this book would end with the character rising up above his drug abuse and cleaning his life up but nothing like this happened. Wentz really annoyed me with how much teen angst he wrote this with! I guess if you like Fall Out Boy you might like this cliche book but even then I don't think readers will enjoy it.
When I saw that Pete Wentz wrote a book I had to request it on Edelweiss. Pete Wentz is the renowned former bassist and lyricist of Fall Out Boy. Gray is inspired by the rise of Fall Out Boy and Pete's relationship with his girlfriend. I really wanted to like this book but I just couldn't.
Gray is a depressing book that really has no moral value. It is the story of Pete's drug addiction and battle with love. I really hated how depressing this book was and this is not a book to read when you're in a good mind. Gray is a story that is written with such fantastic language and prose. This book was filled with metaphors and was written so lyrically and poetically.
The great prose couldn't save this book from it's lack of developed characters and simplistic plot. Basically the main characters fights with drug abuse, he breaks up with girlfriend, and then he gets back together with her.
You know how on shampoo bottles it says Lather, Rinse and Repeat. This book was written with the instructions: Do Drugs, Break Up With GF, Get Back Together With GF and Repeat.
I really expected a book that would have some emotional and sentimental value. Wentz tries to written a heart-breaking tale but the reader doesn't know enough about his GF and him to have empathy. Instead of feeling sympathy or empathy I felt like this book was written in a sob-story fashion.
I thought this book would end with the character rising up above his drug abuse and cleaning his life up but nothing like this happened. Wentz really annoyed me with how much teen angst he wrote this with! I guess if you like Fall Out Boy you might like this cliche book but even then I don't think readers will enjoy it.
March 1, 2013
This book was incredible. I have been a fan of Fall Out Boy for many years, and a large part of this was a result of the lyrical content of their songs. And this is where my love of Pete Wentz's words begun. This book is like reading a 200+ page Fall Out Boy song. The chapters are filled with metaphors, incomplete sentences, and a musical flow of one paragraph into the next. This book is not for those that want a straightforward story. Much of this book means exactly what you want it to mean and nothing more. The characters don't have real names and are referred to by nicknames, pronouns, and their actions. I found it amusing that other reviews critiqued this book for not being a polished work of writing. I think they're missing the point. This is how the mind works of a depressed individual. The cloudy train of thought. Their minds are the furthest thing from polished. This book was meant to be rambling and irrational. It was meant to be misunderstood. It is a commentary on not only the author's life, but also the stigma of mental illness in America. If we ignore it and medicate it into oblivion, then we can forget about it. Pretend it never happened. Hopefully this book helps to bring the devastating consequences of mental illness to light, so we as a society can realize the importance of helping those who suffer instead of turning our backs and forcing them to suffer alone.
February 22, 2013
As a big Fall Out Boy fan, I thought that I would love this book and fawn over the words of one of my favourite band dudes, but Gray didn't really live up to my expectations.
As a follower of Wentz's blogs and music for a long time, Gray feels like a rehashed and extended version of a Livejournal entry. Lines from Fall Out Boy songs pop up frequently and it's all too easy to draw the parallels between Wentz's own personal life and the protagonist's, which makes the novel come off pretty self indulgent.
Wentz is incredibly good at turning a phrase, but the actual story arcs in the book feel too rushed and underdeveloped. It feels like this book should invoke a more emotional reaction, but the plot and characters (aside from the 'protagonist' i.e. Wentz) just doesn't hold up. His lines work well in a song but don't hold up in a full length novel.
As a follower of Wentz's blogs and music for a long time, Gray feels like a rehashed and extended version of a Livejournal entry. Lines from Fall Out Boy songs pop up frequently and it's all too easy to draw the parallels between Wentz's own personal life and the protagonist's, which makes the novel come off pretty self indulgent.
Wentz is incredibly good at turning a phrase, but the actual story arcs in the book feel too rushed and underdeveloped. It feels like this book should invoke a more emotional reaction, but the plot and characters (aside from the 'protagonist' i.e. Wentz) just doesn't hold up. His lines work well in a song but don't hold up in a full length novel.
December 24, 2018
SECOND REREAD - Dec 23-, 2018
Here I am, reading this for the third time. I was going through some of my old reviews and I forgot how much I f*cking loved this, so why not reread it one more time just for the hell of it?
My thoughts on this book have not changed since my first reread or original review, which I was expecting. Can you give a book more than 5 stars? This one deserves it.
FIRST REREAD - Jan 3-4, 2018
That was not disappointing at all. This is one of those books that has the same impact on you and hooks you in and keeps you intrigued in the same way the first read did. Definitely recommend, especially after rereading!
ORIGINAL REVIEW - Nov 27-28, 2017
I expected this to be good, but it seriously exceeded my expectations on a lot of levels. I'm pleasantly surprised with this. While this doesn't have a structured plot -- it's more like little pieces of his life, almost autobiography-ish put together, everyone and every event having someeffect on the next -- it was still enjoyable and it was easy to follow. It took me a second to really get into it, but it didn't too long, and once I was, it was not hard whatsoever for me to finish.
Gray is about Wentz's battle with mental illness (depression and anxiety, mainly) and drug addiction. A lot of this revolves around a lover he refers to as "Her" throughout.
I've seen this used a couple of times, but screw it, let's use it again!; this book is like a 240 page Fall Out Boy song, which it literally is.
Let me just talk a bit about the writing of this book real quick, since I found it a.) unique and b.) I really enjoyed it: Wentz being the lyricist for Fall Out Boy, and the lyrics to their songs always being strong, and just listening to him in interviews and such, I was expecting this book to have really strong writing, and boy, was I not, by any means, let down by it. It did a great job at taking us into Wentz's mind, and did a really good job and being descriptive Very little of this was actually about Fall Out Boy, it was mainly about Wentz's personal life and his experiences, which probably disappointed a lot of people, but I found it interesting nonetheless. There are a lot of I don't want to say run-on, but very long sentences throughout -- that's another thing a lot of people would most likely not enjoy, but I did, and the more you read it, the more you get used to it and seems normal at that point.
We never did know the names of really anyone, as they were referred to as Her, The Animal, The Disaster, etc., but if you know about Wentz, you can take a hint at who a few of them are. While there wasn't a whole lot of character development, there was a lot of relationship development between them and Wentz, and with each other even, that I appreciated.
There really wasn't really a "point" to this story, but yet there was still so much emotion that was evoked from it. Regardless that it had me laughing at times, it was real, raw, depressing for a lot of it (I didn't really find it that depressing myself, to be honest), even relatable at times -- NO FILTERS HERE! Not to mention, the honesty in this book, Oh. My. Goodness. It gave us so much insight without losing the emotion, which I loved.
A lot of people complain about it being "repetitive and boring" and "too depressing", but while I found it repetitive in just the slightest bit possible, it wasn't boring at all for me, in fact, it was pretty intriguing, and the further I got into it, the more hooked I got. I didn't find it too depressing myself, but that might just be the fact that a lot of the stuff people found "depressing" were nonetheless relatable to some level for me.
Another note that I want to make is that you don't have to be a fan of Wentz, or even Fall Out Boy for that matter, to read this, which I like. I always like it when YouTubers (or in this case, the bassist and lyricist for a very popular and well-known band) make books that anyone can read, regardless of if they've been fans since the first day or have never heard of them in their life.
I really did enjoy this book and I am glad that I gave it a read. A really honestly amazing book that I highly recommend you read. 5/5 stars, easily.
Here I am, reading this for the third time. I was going through some of my old reviews and I forgot how much I f*cking loved this, so why not reread it one more time just for the hell of it?
My thoughts on this book have not changed since my first reread or original review, which I was expecting. Can you give a book more than 5 stars? This one deserves it.
FIRST REREAD - Jan 3-4, 2018
That was not disappointing at all. This is one of those books that has the same impact on you and hooks you in and keeps you intrigued in the same way the first read did. Definitely recommend, especially after rereading!
ORIGINAL REVIEW - Nov 27-28, 2017
I expected this to be good, but it seriously exceeded my expectations on a lot of levels. I'm pleasantly surprised with this. While this doesn't have a structured plot -- it's more like little pieces of his life, almost autobiography-ish put together, everyone and every event having someeffect on the next -- it was still enjoyable and it was easy to follow. It took me a second to really get into it, but it didn't too long, and once I was, it was not hard whatsoever for me to finish.
Gray is about Wentz's battle with mental illness (depression and anxiety, mainly) and drug addiction. A lot of this revolves around a lover he refers to as "Her" throughout.
I've seen this used a couple of times, but screw it, let's use it again!; this book is like a 240 page Fall Out Boy song, which it literally is.
Let me just talk a bit about the writing of this book real quick, since I found it a.) unique and b.) I really enjoyed it: Wentz being the lyricist for Fall Out Boy, and the lyrics to their songs always being strong, and just listening to him in interviews and such, I was expecting this book to have really strong writing, and boy, was I not, by any means, let down by it. It did a great job at taking us into Wentz's mind, and did a really good job and being descriptive Very little of this was actually about Fall Out Boy, it was mainly about Wentz's personal life and his experiences, which probably disappointed a lot of people, but I found it interesting nonetheless. There are a lot of I don't want to say run-on, but very long sentences throughout -- that's another thing a lot of people would most likely not enjoy, but I did, and the more you read it, the more you get used to it and seems normal at that point.
We never did know the names of really anyone, as they were referred to as Her, The Animal, The Disaster, etc., but if you know about Wentz, you can take a hint at who a few of them are. While there wasn't a whole lot of character development, there was a lot of relationship development between them and Wentz, and with each other even, that I appreciated.
There really wasn't really a "point" to this story, but yet there was still so much emotion that was evoked from it. Regardless that it had me laughing at times, it was real, raw, depressing for a lot of it (I didn't really find it that depressing myself, to be honest), even relatable at times -- NO FILTERS HERE! Not to mention, the honesty in this book, Oh. My. Goodness. It gave us so much insight without losing the emotion, which I loved.
A lot of people complain about it being "repetitive and boring" and "too depressing", but while I found it repetitive in just the slightest bit possible, it wasn't boring at all for me, in fact, it was pretty intriguing, and the further I got into it, the more hooked I got. I didn't find it too depressing myself, but that might just be the fact that a lot of the stuff people found "depressing" were nonetheless relatable to some level for me.
Another note that I want to make is that you don't have to be a fan of Wentz, or even Fall Out Boy for that matter, to read this, which I like. I always like it when YouTubers (or in this case, the bassist and lyricist for a very popular and well-known band) make books that anyone can read, regardless of if they've been fans since the first day or have never heard of them in their life.
I really did enjoy this book and I am glad that I gave it a read. A really honestly amazing book that I highly recommend you read. 5/5 stars, easily.
June 13, 2013
Pete Wentz's second novel is a mess. An unadulterated mess. A huge fucking-- Let me explain. The story (if you could call it that) follows our protagonist (if you could call him that) as he tries to figure out his life with his mental illness and girlfriend (if you could call her that). That entire sentence has everything wrong with this book. The story is nonexistent. It's some sort of free-form plot that doesn't follow a storyline, which is ridiculous because it's fiction. This story isn't autobiographical, but it's obvious he takes elements from his life. Certain names are transparently changed, I can recognize specific events, etc. However, I understand why this isn't autobiographical. The incredibly depressing ending(if you could call it that) did not happen to Wentz in real life.
Speaking of Wentz, the unnamed narrator is both infuriating and... No, that's it. The narrator is bipolar. Pete Wentz is bipolar. I will say this, the fact that Pete Wentz actually has a serious mental illness is probably the only interesting thing about this book and him for that matter, so I really wish that that was the subject and not his oh-so-awful romantic life; he bangs about 4-5 women over the course of it, which I believe is supposed to be a year and a half. That's INSANE. Anyway, the main character says he should take his meds, which I agree with. He doesn't. Which I don't agree with. Then, he of course becomes depressed and manic and irrational and damn, is he irritating. It's not even bipolar's fault. He's just an inconsolable and irrevocable mess. He ruins everyone's lives eventually (shut up--you saw that coming) and feels... Something... Maybe that didn't happen in real life, though I bet it did, because young Pete Wentz was a colossal douchebag. When you can feel the douche-stink coming off of someone from a story about them by someone who is barely their friend, they're a douchebag.
But you know, he doesn't fuck up anyone else as well as he does his girlfriend, Her. That's Her name. Her. Someone suggested that Pete Wentz named the girlfriend Her because he wanted to be artsy,but I bet it was because the real girl would've sued. Or it was a mishmash of girls and he couldn't be bothered to make a fake name. The main character falls in love with her and vice versa and they have really great sex and I just realized that this is what Adam Levine sings about. "Oh, we're so wrong for each other, but all we do is sit around and bone each other all day..." This girl for some reason goes completely batshit in the middle of the novel. Like, manic episode batshit. No explanation. Nothing. Does Pete Wentz realize how insane he makes her sound? Did he ever care to figure out what was wrong with this girl? Love doesn't make you send long detailed e-mails about nothing in lower case letters. Insanity does.
The most unintentionally hilarious part is that this novel doesn't fail as hard in that department as it does in the supporting characters department. Not because they're underdeveloped (although they are), but rather they're way more interesting than the story. That's right, Pete Wentz's underdeveloped supporting characters would make a better story than his "fabricated" one. The Disaster, who is totally their friend Dirty, is probably the most developed because he has this terribly sad back story. You've just gotta feel this guy's pain. I'm not going to say what it is, but you see him in an entirely different light. The Animal, who is totally the drummer Andy Hurley, beats up a guy for no concrete reason other than "he was beating up my friend, therefore his bowels must be ripped out by his mouth". And it's awesome. Seriously, the Animal is too cool. He beats up the guy, then the guy runs away and they follow him home and beat him up in front of his mother. No one could be that badass. Why couldn't this novel been about him? Oh yeah, there's Martin, named so intelligently after lead singer Patrick Martin Stumph, who is a worrywart but caring friend to our careless main character. He's okay.
This all made me realize that if Pete Wentz made a story revolving around one of these characters and his character was just a side, I'd probably say, "That guy's bipolar and has a clingy girlfriend! Why couldn't this novel been about him?" There's no doubt in my mind that Pete Wentz would destroy this "fictional" characters with melodramatic and self-indulgent prose. Seriously, Pete, adding lots of adjectives doesn't make your story more eloquent or moving, just more confusing and irritating. But anyway, I now know how insipid and tortuous a story about a bipolar, ambitious up-and-comer in a tumultuous relationship can be. Thanks Pete Wentz.
December 1, 2017
I really enjoyed this! I wasn't expecting his writing to be so poetic and lyrical. It was a nice surprise. The relationship in here was SO unhealthy and just seeing it go so back and forth was heart breaking, but also understandable. When you form that bond with someone, healthy or not, it's hard to break. I really enjoyed this book!
February 10, 2017
Surprise, surprise, Pete Wentz's writing makes me feel things.
Let's talk about this book for a second, okay? I don't know why it took me so long to decide to finally read it. It's brilliant, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a big FOB fan.
This book captures the train of thought of a person with mental illness as beautifully as a book can. The constant change of mind, the continuous fears, the frequent panic attacks, the slow and sure slope into addiction (of any kind), the inability to do something about your state. It is heavy to consume, it took me more than one sitting, but it is all described perfectly and I wish there was more.
Update (April 6th 2016):
I fall in love with this book every time I read it, and I've read it four times so far. It can be surprisingly funny at moments and extremely sad just a few sentences later, but at the end of the day, it's incredibly deep and beautifully written. I cannot stress the beautifully enough.
As someone who struggles with mental illness, I understand these things on a higher level that I don't think the average reader will be able to. I feel the sentences. And I praise whoever Pete for writing them the way he did.
And I know that people should be warned that the book is quite dark, and it might be triggering, there were moments, as I read on, where I thought it would be triggering to me too. But as I finally closed it, after reading the last words, for the fourth time, I felt heaviness on my chest because I had just read some of my darkest thoughts written down by one of my favorite people on the planet. I felt understood.
Instead of triggering me, this book pulls me up every time I feel as if I'm starting to fall. And I'm not ready to give up the relationship I have with it. There can be a million other books on similar subjects, but I'll always come back to this one.
Let's talk about this book for a second, okay? I don't know why it took me so long to decide to finally read it. It's brilliant, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a big FOB fan.
This book captures the train of thought of a person with mental illness as beautifully as a book can. The constant change of mind, the continuous fears, the frequent panic attacks, the slow and sure slope into addiction (of any kind), the inability to do something about your state. It is heavy to consume, it took me more than one sitting, but it is all described perfectly and I wish there was more.
Update (April 6th 2016):
I fall in love with this book every time I read it, and I've read it four times so far. It can be surprisingly funny at moments and extremely sad just a few sentences later, but at the end of the day, it's incredibly deep and beautifully written. I cannot stress the beautifully enough.
As someone who struggles with mental illness, I understand these things on a higher level that I don't think the average reader will be able to. I feel the sentences. And I praise whoever Pete for writing them the way he did.
And I know that people should be warned that the book is quite dark, and it might be triggering, there were moments, as I read on, where I thought it would be triggering to me too. But as I finally closed it, after reading the last words, for the fourth time, I felt heaviness on my chest because I had just read some of my darkest thoughts written down by one of my favorite people on the planet. I felt understood.
Instead of triggering me, this book pulls me up every time I feel as if I'm starting to fall. And I'm not ready to give up the relationship I have with it. There can be a million other books on similar subjects, but I'll always come back to this one.
April 7, 2013
Love this book. Can sort of understand why, but really don't get how so many people don't like it.
I found it to be many wonderful things and it manages to set off hundreds of emotions in the reader in the space of just a couple of pages. It is dark (pitch-black, in fact), but it is often hopeful and always beautifully written. The descriptions are gorgeous, and to get a chance to see the world through someone as brilliantly gifted with words as Pete Wentz is fantastic.
Definitely a must for any die-hard Fallout Boy fans, like myself!, as it reads just like one of their songs; catchy, witty and scathing.
One of the delightful little perks of it is that occasionally, a line from a song will pop up and you get a little smile to yourself.
Being a huge fan and having a vast knowledge of everything FOB-related, including Pete Wentz's struggle, it would be difficult to imagine anyone else as the protagonist, and it certainly gives a very very good account into the mind of someone struggling constantly with anxiety and with themselves. The only problem I have with it is that I wouldn't recommend it to anyone in a bad frame of mind, as it is often quite depressing and it's hard to get parts of it out of your head after reading it. The descriptions of suicidal thoughts are quite painful to read and it is quite an egde-of-your-seat read because of it.
It feels like I have so much more to say about this book, but really I can't put into words how much I adored it and how perfectly it matched my expectations and yet it still broke my heart. It gives you such a new perspective, how you can have it all and it's still not enough, how it might never be.
10/10, 5 starts, whatever - I thought this book was beautiful.
I found it to be many wonderful things and it manages to set off hundreds of emotions in the reader in the space of just a couple of pages. It is dark (pitch-black, in fact), but it is often hopeful and always beautifully written. The descriptions are gorgeous, and to get a chance to see the world through someone as brilliantly gifted with words as Pete Wentz is fantastic.
Definitely a must for any die-hard Fallout Boy fans, like myself!, as it reads just like one of their songs; catchy, witty and scathing.
One of the delightful little perks of it is that occasionally, a line from a song will pop up and you get a little smile to yourself.
Being a huge fan and having a vast knowledge of everything FOB-related, including Pete Wentz's struggle, it would be difficult to imagine anyone else as the protagonist, and it certainly gives a very very good account into the mind of someone struggling constantly with anxiety and with themselves. The only problem I have with it is that I wouldn't recommend it to anyone in a bad frame of mind, as it is often quite depressing and it's hard to get parts of it out of your head after reading it. The descriptions of suicidal thoughts are quite painful to read and it is quite an egde-of-your-seat read because of it.
It feels like I have so much more to say about this book, but really I can't put into words how much I adored it and how perfectly it matched my expectations and yet it still broke my heart. It gives you such a new perspective, how you can have it all and it's still not enough, how it might never be.
10/10, 5 starts, whatever - I thought this book was beautiful.
August 30, 2018
My wife often jokes that Pete Wentz and I are soulmates and I am, at the very least, a fan and weirdly staunch defender of his whole deal and I've wanted to read this for a while, so when it popped up on sale I finally committed and blew through it. ('Blew through it' used to mean I read a book in one sitting, now it means nine days. My thirties are different than I expected.) This was like... reading self-insert fan fiction? By a famous person? Which was really weird. I hated the "Her" capitalization, nameless thing, but was surprised by the amount of solid writing. I think of Pete Wentz as a good writer because I like his lyrics, but that very rarely translates into good novels, but there's some good stuff here and I would hope that's not ALL up to there being a co-writer. There's a lot of gross stuff about women and not quite enough self-awareness about the gross stuff (thought it tries) and in the end I feel really bummed out for both author and narrator, but one of the benefits of reading something that's ostensibly "about" a public figure who is pretty open with his life is knowing that they are likely in a better place in 2018 than they were when this was published. Being a fan is weird. Celebrity is weird. Life is weird.
ETA: As a Los Angeles native, I'd just like to say that people's obsession with LA being plastic and soulless is soooooo boooooooooooring. Los Angeles isn't fake; rich people are. If you think LA is full of phonies, it's because you've surrounded yourself with them. Do better.
ETA: As a Los Angeles native, I'd just like to say that people's obsession with LA being plastic and soulless is soooooo boooooooooooring. Los Angeles isn't fake; rich people are. If you think LA is full of phonies, it's because you've surrounded yourself with them. Do better.
May 18, 2013
I had to fight my initial feelings of annoyance at what I thought was overwritten, abstract prose. I was prepared to roll my eyes at this book, to say "oh, Pete" every few paragraphs. I thought that the words would come off as trying too hard. But then, I realized why the style of prose seemed familiar to me, and where I had seen it before, and the book bloomed into something different for me.
Kerouac. The beat generation. This is the type of book that Pete has written, the only difference is that it's a hell of a lot less romanaticized. Maybe people don't want to look at this book, to look at Pete Wentz and his style, his music, his genre, and compare it to classics from the era of beat poetry. I know that I certainly didn't want to. But I couldn't help it, the comparisons just came.
The story was interesting, I genuinely wanted to know what happened next, and I read it quite quickly. The only thing I disliked was the ending, a lack of a lesson, of an epiphany, etc. etc. I feel like it left me hanging. Which I suppose is what life does.
Side question: is everyone on the same page that this is basically Pete's autobiography and almost not even the slightest bit fictional?
I'm interested to know exactly how much of a part James Montgomery had in this novel. I'd like to be assured that it's mostly entirely Pete Wentz's doing.
Kerouac. The beat generation. This is the type of book that Pete has written, the only difference is that it's a hell of a lot less romanaticized. Maybe people don't want to look at this book, to look at Pete Wentz and his style, his music, his genre, and compare it to classics from the era of beat poetry. I know that I certainly didn't want to. But I couldn't help it, the comparisons just came.
The story was interesting, I genuinely wanted to know what happened next, and I read it quite quickly. The only thing I disliked was the ending, a lack of a lesson, of an epiphany, etc. etc. I feel like it left me hanging. Which I suppose is what life does.
Side question: is everyone on the same page that this is basically Pete's autobiography and almost not even the slightest bit fictional?
I'm interested to know exactly how much of a part James Montgomery had in this novel. I'd like to be assured that it's mostly entirely Pete Wentz's doing.
June 29, 2015
Sometimes I just look at this book and think about Jeanae and wonder what it feels like to have an entire book written about a trainwreck of a relationship with someone bitter enough to write a book about it 8 years after it ended. Oh man. Maybe it was based on Ashlee or something, but since its set around the time TTTYG/FUCT comes out, I'm pretty sure it's Jeanae.
Dang. That's a lot of bitterness. But it's manifested itself in okay writing, so there's that.
I think of this as something reminiscent of Palahniuk, with less concentration on the physically jarring aspects of his stories and more about the mental side. More antidepressants. More pill-popping. More visits to a sorely needed psychiatrist.
Ah, well. It was fiction, so I don't know how much of it actually happened in real life (Jenae didn't really
Does it count as fanfiction if it's written by the guy himself?
August 14, 2014
This was a mess, and an even worse study in misogyny than the lyrics on FOB's first album (and I'm saying it as a huge fan of the band).
January 23, 2024
No one look at me … but fr this was gorgeously written (like a 230 page love song), a beautifully tragic deep dive into how hard love can be l (sometimes harder than it’s worth), not shying away from the gorey details of heartbreak ❤️🩹
Read
August 26, 2024“The fear of airplanes hiding inside the fear of heights hiding inside the fear of highways hiding inside the fear of cars hiding inside the fear of elevators hiding inside the fear of leaving my room hiding inside the fear of living. Fear tries to own me.”
November 29, 2022
Hmmmmm.
On one hand, I'm glad I read this. I think it allowed me to tap into a specific kind of teen-angst headspace that I haven't been in in a while, and it was a nice reminder that I can get there again if I ever need to.
On the other hand...my God, everything about this book. I am very much no longer its target audience. I love Fall Out Boy's music, and Pete's lyrics have always stood out to me as being strong, but...yowza, that did not really translate into me enjoying his prose. I also thought it was super weird that he often just copied his own lyrics into the prose. I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a wink to the FOB fans, or if he just liked those lines so much he decided to put them in a book because he thought he couldn't do better than them. The one thing I thought was interesting about the writing was its resistance to using real names - either opting for no name at all or possessing an ephemeral nickname. I'm not sure I loved the execution of the love interest only being known as "Her," but I liked the concept behind it, despite its pretension; I do think that utilizing that as the only name simultaneously deified and objectified Her, in the same ways that the narrator viewed Her as both his salvation yet accessory to his life.
But mostly, I just didn't like the story. The main dynamic between the narrator and Her was super toxic, and not in a way that I actually found fun or intriguing to read about, but in a way that I kept thinking "girl, RUN!!!!" every time they had a scene together. I know the narrator was supposed to be unlikable to an extent, but I found it very hard to enjoy anything about him. I also just...didn't find their love very convincing? Like, I never once really understood what it was about her character that made him feel so deeply for her - I guess it was a whole "first love, young love, emotions ran higher than logic" thing, but I would've liked to have her have some aspect of personality. But, hey, that's how the narrator viewed her, so that's what we got.
Every once in a while I found myself immersed in the world - I think my favorite scenes were usually between the narrator and the Disaster - but that immersion was easily broken whenever I was like "oh right, this is just semiautobiographical fiction about Pete Wentz". Maybe if I was able to enter the world of the novel more, I would be able to forgive some of its other shortcomings.
Also the ending??? The death of Her was so random and came out of nowhere WAY too close to the end. I wish that happened with more than 10-15 pages remaining of the book, because I think just doing a quick "well she died and I was depressed but life goes on" was not really the conclusion I was looking for to the entire saga. Very unsatisfying.
I think if I read this ten years ago when it came out, I might have felt differently about it, but as it stands today, I was not a fan. But like I said, glad I read it in a general sense.
On one hand, I'm glad I read this. I think it allowed me to tap into a specific kind of teen-angst headspace that I haven't been in in a while, and it was a nice reminder that I can get there again if I ever need to.
On the other hand...my God, everything about this book. I am very much no longer its target audience. I love Fall Out Boy's music, and Pete's lyrics have always stood out to me as being strong, but...yowza, that did not really translate into me enjoying his prose. I also thought it was super weird that he often just copied his own lyrics into the prose. I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a wink to the FOB fans, or if he just liked those lines so much he decided to put them in a book because he thought he couldn't do better than them. The one thing I thought was interesting about the writing was its resistance to using real names - either opting for no name at all or possessing an ephemeral nickname. I'm not sure I loved the execution of the love interest only being known as "Her," but I liked the concept behind it, despite its pretension; I do think that utilizing that as the only name simultaneously deified and objectified Her, in the same ways that the narrator viewed Her as both his salvation yet accessory to his life.
But mostly, I just didn't like the story. The main dynamic between the narrator and Her was super toxic, and not in a way that I actually found fun or intriguing to read about, but in a way that I kept thinking "girl, RUN!!!!" every time they had a scene together. I know the narrator was supposed to be unlikable to an extent, but I found it very hard to enjoy anything about him. I also just...didn't find their love very convincing? Like, I never once really understood what it was about her character that made him feel so deeply for her - I guess it was a whole "first love, young love, emotions ran higher than logic" thing, but I would've liked to have her have some aspect of personality. But, hey, that's how the narrator viewed her, so that's what we got.
Every once in a while I found myself immersed in the world - I think my favorite scenes were usually between the narrator and the Disaster - but that immersion was easily broken whenever I was like "oh right, this is just semiautobiographical fiction about Pete Wentz". Maybe if I was able to enter the world of the novel more, I would be able to forgive some of its other shortcomings.
Also the ending??? The death of Her was so random and came out of nowhere WAY too close to the end. I wish that happened with more than 10-15 pages remaining of the book, because I think just doing a quick "well she died and I was depressed but life goes on" was not really the conclusion I was looking for to the entire saga. Very unsatisfying.
I think if I read this ten years ago when it came out, I might have felt differently about it, but as it stands today, I was not a fan. But like I said, glad I read it in a general sense.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Want to read
October 9, 2009Pete Wentz is pretty much the reason I'm not masochistic anymore. His story inspired me a lot, and now he's my celebrity role model. Thanks Pete!!!
Ugh just found out this book isn't going to be published yet. Oh well
I'll leave it on my list.
Ugh just found out this book isn't going to be published yet. Oh well
I'll leave it on my list.
August 7, 2025
4.5
i had low expectations for this book- being i judged it by it’s ugly cover and it’s written by a pop punk bassist. but surprisingly, this is the first book i’ve ever read that has made me cry. it’s written like a poem more so then a novel. very lyrical, and heavy on the metaphors- which i loved. The story itself wasn’t necessarily filled with an abundance of twists and turns, but the draw is in the writing style entirely.
i had low expectations for this book- being i judged it by it’s ugly cover and it’s written by a pop punk bassist. but surprisingly, this is the first book i’ve ever read that has made me cry. it’s written like a poem more so then a novel. very lyrical, and heavy on the metaphors- which i loved. The story itself wasn’t necessarily filled with an abundance of twists and turns, but the draw is in the writing style entirely.
March 26, 2013
Cover art: Personally I don’t think it looks that professional or artistic, but it certainly matches the title and theme.
Premise: I am a big fan of the author’s band Fall Out Boy. He is an excellent lyricist so I was interested to see if he could translate those skills to prose. Despite it being labelled a fictitious novel, the subject matter makes it kind of obvious that it is closer to an autobiography.
Characters: The main characters in the book are distinct – being the unnamed protagonist, his also unnamed love interest referred to somewhat pretentiously as only ‘Her’, and his slightly wild best friend John Miller, nicknamed the Disaster. Other characters, such as his bandmates, feature less prominently and aren’t developed much, apart from an interesting scene in whichPete the protagonist and the drummer, the Animal Andy, beat a guy almost to a pulp on the steps of his mother’s house, and Martin’s Patrick’s concerned attempts to get help for Pete the protagonist during his downward spirals. The Disaster is probably the only fully fleshed out character in the whole book, because the protagonist spends a lot of time admiring him for his more positive attitude to life despite his back story.
Plot: There isn’t actually much in the way of a plot. The story focuses on the protagonist’s troubled relationship with a girl he met at college, which they struggle with as his band rises to fame and he is constantly away from their hometown Chicago, and also his struggle with anxiety and depression. The romance is somewhat forced, as it feels like it is being played as the main point of the story, but due to the protagonist’s very insular train of consciousness the relationship was not fleshed out enough for the depth and severity of his destructive feelings to be believable. Despite a few brief descriptions of Her, we don’t know enough about Her or her motives to understand either of their feelings or why she is worth so much to him. It reads too much like desperation and fear and clinging on to clichés rather than that he actually loves her at all.
If a reader picked this up looking for an insight into the life of a band on the road, they wouldn’t get it – the protagonist skims over these events in a drugged-out haze, barely putting any focus on the clichés of the rock and roll life, preferring to dwell on the glossed-over dirty underbelly of ‘Young Hollywood’. More often than not though the gritty revelations of the life of the rich and famous come off more passive than bitter, because he takes part in it all despite himself.
For me the saving grace of the book and the only thing that made it worth reading was the insight into the mind of a depressed and anxious person. Despite the self-indulgent misery and sometimes florid writing (it felt like the protagonist fancied himself as a modern day Holden Caulfield, except he was a phony too), some of the witty and unflinchingly blunt observations about life were relatable and eye-opening. The fact that the story goes nowhere in terms of the protagonist ending the book in the same place he started it and falling back down/messing up after every period of supposed clarity does make it a very depressing book; however, it’s also strangely comforting for people who understand such wildly reckless and nihilistic emotions and behaviour.
Other comments: Readers should be made aware that there are some worrying things in this book, such as the attitude towards women and the drug use. As a whole work of fiction this book doesn’t really hold up, but I still would recommend it if you are feeling existential. It’s also a treat for FOB fans because of the liberal scattering of lyrics from their songs.
Premise: I am a big fan of the author’s band Fall Out Boy. He is an excellent lyricist so I was interested to see if he could translate those skills to prose. Despite it being labelled a fictitious novel, the subject matter makes it kind of obvious that it is closer to an autobiography.
Characters: The main characters in the book are distinct – being the unnamed protagonist, his also unnamed love interest referred to somewhat pretentiously as only ‘Her’, and his slightly wild best friend John Miller, nicknamed the Disaster. Other characters, such as his bandmates, feature less prominently and aren’t developed much, apart from an interesting scene in which
Plot: There isn’t actually much in the way of a plot. The story focuses on the protagonist’s troubled relationship with a girl he met at college, which they struggle with as his band rises to fame and he is constantly away from their hometown Chicago, and also his struggle with anxiety and depression. The romance is somewhat forced, as it feels like it is being played as the main point of the story, but due to the protagonist’s very insular train of consciousness the relationship was not fleshed out enough for the depth and severity of his destructive feelings to be believable. Despite a few brief descriptions of Her, we don’t know enough about Her or her motives to understand either of their feelings or why she is worth so much to him. It reads too much like desperation and fear and clinging on to clichés rather than that he actually loves her at all.
If a reader picked this up looking for an insight into the life of a band on the road, they wouldn’t get it – the protagonist skims over these events in a drugged-out haze, barely putting any focus on the clichés of the rock and roll life, preferring to dwell on the glossed-over dirty underbelly of ‘Young Hollywood’. More often than not though the gritty revelations of the life of the rich and famous come off more passive than bitter, because he takes part in it all despite himself.
For me the saving grace of the book and the only thing that made it worth reading was the insight into the mind of a depressed and anxious person. Despite the self-indulgent misery and sometimes florid writing (it felt like the protagonist fancied himself as a modern day Holden Caulfield, except he was a phony too), some of the witty and unflinchingly blunt observations about life were relatable and eye-opening. The fact that the story goes nowhere in terms of the protagonist ending the book in the same place he started it and falling back down/messing up after every period of supposed clarity does make it a very depressing book; however, it’s also strangely comforting for people who understand such wildly reckless and nihilistic emotions and behaviour.
Other comments: Readers should be made aware that there are some worrying things in this book, such as the attitude towards women and the drug use. As a whole work of fiction this book doesn’t really hold up, but I still would recommend it if you are feeling existential. It’s also a treat for FOB fans because of the liberal scattering of lyrics from their songs.
January 8, 2016
"Sometimes, late at night in the hotel room, after the lights have gone out and the mistakes have already been made, when it is heavy and silent and still, I lie awake and listen to my pulse on the pillow." -Page 1, "Gray"
"Gray" is a beautifully written and lyrical story from the first person point of view of the narrator, who I assume is the author Pete Wentz himself, loosely based on his own life. Pete Wentz is the bassist and songwriter for Fall Out Boy, one of my favourite bands, and their lyrics are some of the most emotional you will ever hear. This book is a handheld song, a 228 page platinum record, and is easily my favourite book of all time.
The reason I find "Gray" so incredible is the window into the Wentz's life it gives the reader. The autobiography is present in his feeling toward his band, his constant mention of Chicago (his home), and the experiences that the Car Crash Hearts have read about in Wentz's own words. "Gray" is full of metaphors and aliases, such as Her, the narrator's love; Martin, who I believe is Fall Out Boy lead singer Patrick Stump; the Animal, who is the drummer of the band, therefore likely Andrew Hurley; and the Disaster, the narrator's best friend. The aliases are metaphors for those in his life, and the metaphors are the feelings you can't just say. This is the kind of writing that envelopes you, leaves you breathless, and when I read the final word of the final page, it felt like something was missing in my life. See, I relate to Wentz very strongly, and I became so attached to the book because of how lost the narrator seemed, how similar we were. Despite the sex (not sex scenes, just words to say what happened), mischief, drugs, and drinking, I was hooked from cover to cover.
"Gray" deals with mature subjects such as those that I just mentioned, as well as mental health, suicide, and Ozzy Osbourne, and has very strong language, so I would only recommend it to ~mature~ audiences.
R4
"Gray" is a beautifully written and lyrical story from the first person point of view of the narrator, who I assume is the author Pete Wentz himself, loosely based on his own life. Pete Wentz is the bassist and songwriter for Fall Out Boy, one of my favourite bands, and their lyrics are some of the most emotional you will ever hear. This book is a handheld song, a 228 page platinum record, and is easily my favourite book of all time.
The reason I find "Gray" so incredible is the window into the Wentz's life it gives the reader. The autobiography is present in his feeling toward his band, his constant mention of Chicago (his home), and the experiences that the Car Crash Hearts have read about in Wentz's own words. "Gray" is full of metaphors and aliases, such as Her, the narrator's love; Martin, who I believe is Fall Out Boy lead singer Patrick Stump; the Animal, who is the drummer of the band, therefore likely Andrew Hurley; and the Disaster, the narrator's best friend. The aliases are metaphors for those in his life, and the metaphors are the feelings you can't just say. This is the kind of writing that envelopes you, leaves you breathless, and when I read the final word of the final page, it felt like something was missing in my life. See, I relate to Wentz very strongly, and I became so attached to the book because of how lost the narrator seemed, how similar we were. Despite the sex (not sex scenes, just words to say what happened), mischief, drugs, and drinking, I was hooked from cover to cover.
"Gray" deals with mature subjects such as those that I just mentioned, as well as mental health, suicide, and Ozzy Osbourne, and has very strong language, so I would only recommend it to ~mature~ audiences.
R4
March 29, 2013
I'm a huge Fall Out Boy fan, so when I saw that Wentz wrote a novel, I had to read it ASAP, naturally. I love his lyrics and his music, but his prose? Not so good. This is masturbatory and a thinly-veiled almost-autobiography that should would have been better if he'd published the damn thing as one. There's no plot, really, except that the main character, aka Pete Wentz, is a depressed rock star who has mental problems and attachments (I wouldn't really call it "being in love") with a girl he only refers to as "Her."
It's apropos, in that Wentzian way, because she is essentially his god throughout the book. I'm going to assume that's intentional, and he didn't just name her Her to be some sort of clever and avoid calling her the name of his ex-girlfriend.
I won't spoil the end of the book, for any masochists like myself that are determined to make it through this garbage, but I'm guessing that the last 30 or so pages are the only part that make any major deviation from Wentz's life, where more than just minor details are changed. Oh - and he also quotes his own lyrics throughout the book. I'm not sure if that's because he thinks they're that great or because that's all he's got. Either way, it's a bummer.
It's apropos, in that Wentzian way, because she is essentially his god throughout the book. I'm going to assume that's intentional, and he didn't just name her Her to be some sort of clever and avoid calling her the name of his ex-girlfriend.
I won't spoil the end of the book, for any masochists like myself that are determined to make it through this garbage, but I'm guessing that the last 30 or so pages are the only part that make any major deviation from Wentz's life, where more than just minor details are changed. Oh - and he also quotes his own lyrics throughout the book. I'm not sure if that's because he thinks they're that great or because that's all he's got. Either way, it's a bummer.
April 17, 2013
I love Pete's mind and was hooked to this!
You've really got to understand the style that he writes in. He is truly different from the rest and if you're a fan of his lyrics then you can't go wrong.
I found this as a good insight into one of my favourite minds and the darkness of it all was incredibly interesting. It looks at the darker side of the mind and fame. It's not a simple case of guy and girl trying to make it work when a band hit it big, it's about them struggling with the industry, and, most importantly, with the main protagonists demons. He takes you through his every strange thought and how he doesn't understand the motivation behind the things he does to himself and others.
This book will obviously appeal to Fall Out Boy fans such as myself but if you keep an open mind and don't just judge it because it's written by that guy that 'used to wear eyeliner and was married to that girl's sister' then you could really find it interesting to get inside the mind of such an interesting character who's mental problems further him to become a superstar and do some strange things to the people he loves.
You've really got to understand the style that he writes in. He is truly different from the rest and if you're a fan of his lyrics then you can't go wrong.
I found this as a good insight into one of my favourite minds and the darkness of it all was incredibly interesting. It looks at the darker side of the mind and fame. It's not a simple case of guy and girl trying to make it work when a band hit it big, it's about them struggling with the industry, and, most importantly, with the main protagonists demons. He takes you through his every strange thought and how he doesn't understand the motivation behind the things he does to himself and others.
This book will obviously appeal to Fall Out Boy fans such as myself but if you keep an open mind and don't just judge it because it's written by that guy that 'used to wear eyeliner and was married to that girl's sister' then you could really find it interesting to get inside the mind of such an interesting character who's mental problems further him to become a superstar and do some strange things to the people he loves.
December 19, 2022
A boring read for anyone who knows what depression is like. A hard read for any straight woman. This story is a constant, predictable back-and-forth for Pete choosing between staying in the band or staying with the girl he loves. The depressed celebrity part is what you would expect. The male perspective of love is disturbing. Lots of mention of using women for sex, pretending to care about their feelings, fantasies of violent sex, thoughts about hitting the woman he loves, using sex as a means to solve problems, end arguments, and figure out his own feelings, the list goes on. My favorite-least-favorite part was when he realized how much he loved his high-school sweetheart because she was folding his laundry and it made him think of his mother. There are a couple moments where he compares this girl to his mom. #OedipusComplex. Lots of talk about beating dudes up, Pete thinking his brain is more messed up than any one else’s, and Pete saying therapy is a scam. In the end, not much excitement (but what do you expect from someone who is depressed) and a pronounced lack of emotional intelligence from our narrator.
February 21, 2013
Amazing book. So well-written. I have been a fan since i was 14 years old and I admire him so much more after reading his book.
February 26, 2013
ALL THE FEELS.
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