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Shatterproof
Saint’s afraid to die. Grey can’t stand to live.
Grey Jean-Marcelin wants to die. He thought painting his passion—vivid portrayals of Haitian life and vodou faith—would be enough to anchor him to this world. But it isn’t. And when the mysterious man known only as Saint saves Grey from a suicide attempt, it’s more curse than blessing—until Grey discovers that Saint isn’t just an EMT. He’s a banished fae, and can only survive by draining the lives of those he loves.
All Saint needed was a simple bargain: one life willingly given for another. But as Saint’s feelings for Grey grow deeper, centuries of guilt leave him desperate to save a man who doesn’t want salvation, even if Grey’s life means Saint’s death.
When Grey’s depression consumes him, only he can decide if living is worth the struggle. Yet his choice may come too late to save his life . . . or Saint’s soul. And whatever choice he makes, it may shatter them both.
Grey Jean-Marcelin wants to die. He thought painting his passion—vivid portrayals of Haitian life and vodou faith—would be enough to anchor him to this world. But it isn’t. And when the mysterious man known only as Saint saves Grey from a suicide attempt, it’s more curse than blessing—until Grey discovers that Saint isn’t just an EMT. He’s a banished fae, and can only survive by draining the lives of those he loves.
All Saint needed was a simple bargain: one life willingly given for another. But as Saint’s feelings for Grey grow deeper, centuries of guilt leave him desperate to save a man who doesn’t want salvation, even if Grey’s life means Saint’s death.
When Grey’s depression consumes him, only he can decide if living is worth the struggle. Yet his choice may come too late to save his life . . . or Saint’s soul. And whatever choice he makes, it may shatter them both.
232 pages, ebook
First published September 5, 2016
44 people are currently reading
695 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 84 reviews
February 9, 2017
Shatterproof is hands down one of the best books I've read this year and one of the best M/M I've ever read; open the stunning cover and you discover an unforgettable, evocative and intimate story centralising around two men who will steal your heart for so many reasons.
I was gripped from start to finish. Amongst the harsher realities of this story, because it holds some angst, is a emotional, tender story featuring two men from very different worlds, tormented by their lives but who find love and understanding with one another. An immortal, the present day sees Saint as an EMT, and he's walked earth for centuries, watching the the men he loves waste away because he does just that--loves them. Grey, an artist and very much human, has hit his breaking point; he no longer wants his life to go on and when Saint saves him, he's drawn to him--the man who actually has the capability to answer his wishes.
This story is the definition of why I love reading. We have two men who were so endearing as individuals, who are fighting their own battles, but together they create a beautiful, deep bond filled with love, fight, fear and intimacy which often takes your breath away. And it makes you feel; from those brief moments when your heart misses a beat, to subtle humour bringing smiles and laughs exactly when they're most needed and raw emotion that causes that sting in your throat from being so invested in both characters and feeling their pain, that you're fighting against letting the tears fall because you. Do. Not. Cry. Yeah, I failed bloody miserably on that one.
I loved Saint and Grey, I loved their story and how the paranormal aspect is pivotal, yet just just below the surface leaving the focus on the characters. It's absolutely one you don't want to miss. Xen Sanders isn't an author new to me. I've read his contemporary and erotic romances written as Cole McCade and there's no mistaking Shatterproof as his; he has a true gift for visual writing with strong, engaging, character-driven storylines that make you feel, and have a focus on marginalised people. And that's why he's firmly situated on my pile of must-read authors.
"I want it to be real. I want it to be you."
Copy generously provided by the author for an honest and unbiased opinion and, as always, it was my absolute pleasure.
I was gripped from start to finish. Amongst the harsher realities of this story, because it holds some angst, is a emotional, tender story featuring two men from very different worlds, tormented by their lives but who find love and understanding with one another. An immortal, the present day sees Saint as an EMT, and he's walked earth for centuries, watching the the men he loves waste away because he does just that--loves them. Grey, an artist and very much human, has hit his breaking point; he no longer wants his life to go on and when Saint saves him, he's drawn to him--the man who actually has the capability to answer his wishes.
This story is the definition of why I love reading. We have two men who were so endearing as individuals, who are fighting their own battles, but together they create a beautiful, deep bond filled with love, fight, fear and intimacy which often takes your breath away. And it makes you feel; from those brief moments when your heart misses a beat, to subtle humour bringing smiles and laughs exactly when they're most needed and raw emotion that causes that sting in your throat from being so invested in both characters and feeling their pain, that you're fighting against letting the tears fall because you. Do. Not. Cry. Yeah, I failed bloody miserably on that one.
I loved Saint and Grey, I loved their story and how the paranormal aspect is pivotal, yet just just below the surface leaving the focus on the characters. It's absolutely one you don't want to miss. Xen Sanders isn't an author new to me. I've read his contemporary and erotic romances written as Cole McCade and there's no mistaking Shatterproof as his; he has a true gift for visual writing with strong, engaging, character-driven storylines that make you feel, and have a focus on marginalised people. And that's why he's firmly situated on my pile of must-read authors.
"I want it to be real. I want it to be you."
Copy generously provided by the author for an honest and unbiased opinion and, as always, it was my absolute pleasure.
June 21, 2024
#ColeMccadeBinge
I am doing a deep dive into the wonderful Cole McCade’s library, because no one can get me out of the reading funk after finishing Criminal Intentions except its own author. And no, I will not start season three till it’s complete. And so, I decided to start with this one because it said: fantasy, romance, dark, paranormal and just look at the lovely cover!!!
This book is a prologue to a series in the making, but feels like it’s complete? It gives the feeling that they are not the main characters but will get cameos in next books. The concept is so wonderful, CM puts words together beautifully, I cannot find the words to describe it and give it justice. You will have to check the trigger warnings first though, just in case!
The story is a mix of the Hatiti vodou religion and Celtic lore; Saint is a leanan sidhe who in order to live, he preys on artists and makes them fall in love with him or risk being their slave. Grey is an artist who tries to commit suicide but fails, so he makes a deal with Saint. It’s very angsty and eloquent and JUST SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL!
I have so many questions and theories, so when’s the next book?
I am doing a deep dive into the wonderful Cole McCade’s library, because no one can get me out of the reading funk after finishing Criminal Intentions except its own author. And no, I will not start season three till it’s complete. And so, I decided to start with this one because it said: fantasy, romance, dark, paranormal and just look at the lovely cover!!!
This book is a prologue to a series in the making, but feels like it’s complete? It gives the feeling that they are not the main characters but will get cameos in next books. The concept is so wonderful, CM puts words together beautifully, I cannot find the words to describe it and give it justice. You will have to check the trigger warnings first though, just in case!
“….and the last thing he needed was to feel that pull before his need became desperate, the fire of their creation waiting to be bled from them and absorbed into himself.”
The story is a mix of the Hatiti vodou religion and Celtic lore; Saint is a leanan sidhe who in order to live, he preys on artists and makes them fall in love with him or risk being their slave. Grey is an artist who tries to commit suicide but fails, so he makes a deal with Saint. It’s very angsty and eloquent and JUST SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL!
I have so many questions and theories, so when’s the next book?
June 8, 2018
I don't normally like romance books five shades darker but this author is making a believer out of me. This book is so deep, so full of raw emotions and thoughts that sometimes are better left unsaid. But it is all brought out to light here unapologetically and it draws you in.
This is a story of two men: one who is afraid of life and the other who is afraid of death and how their roads cross. One who is unseen and the other who sees it all. They are so different and have nothing in common but what they can give each other and in the end they both find something worth fighting for, something to be afraid of together. (in a good way)
It's so beautiful, so moving. The bond between them is so powerful. Entire book is wonderfully written. A lot of passages really make you stop and think for a moment, fill you with sort of wonder about how other people see everything around them. Passion for art, passion for life and death all blend together in a stunning kaleidoscope of words that evoke such strong feelings. I loved it. It was an amazing book. I highly recommend it!
**Copy was kindly provided by author for my honest review**
This is a story of two men: one who is afraid of life and the other who is afraid of death and how their roads cross. One who is unseen and the other who sees it all. They are so different and have nothing in common but what they can give each other and in the end they both find something worth fighting for, something to be afraid of together. (in a good way)
It's so beautiful, so moving. The bond between them is so powerful. Entire book is wonderfully written. A lot of passages really make you stop and think for a moment, fill you with sort of wonder about how other people see everything around them. Passion for art, passion for life and death all blend together in a stunning kaleidoscope of words that evoke such strong feelings. I loved it. It was an amazing book. I highly recommend it!
**Copy was kindly provided by author for my honest review**
June 6, 2018
5+++ Impossible to review and do right to this story. I will babble in my own way as usual when I don’t have a clue how to express myself... I’m not an author who has all the words... I’m just...me...
I prefer reads when there are triggers and warnings before the start. I just want to reach my limits and go beyond them.. I want to feel, fly and dive.. apologize on forehand for using others.
Grey Jean-Marcelin vs Saint aka Xav Cascia
The first time we meet Grey is in an ambulance with an EMT besides him.
Xav is an extraordinary person who lived already a thousand lives. He whispers in people their dreams to steal and survive on his own. He gives and take. Until he meet Grey...
Grey an artist who don’t want to live.
While coming close to each other many questions and philosophy rise. The awareness of another living soul...The many why’s of life and dead pass by.
“I’m not crazy. That’s the worst part. It was just the sanest choice I could have made.”
“....and all that terrible complexity that made being human so hard.”
“Everyone knows who I am, but no one knows me.”
When two men, one who wants to die and one who wants to live, collide magical things can happen. When rare and lonely souls recognize each other there is a spark which light up a universe. It totally runs another way than both ever could imagine.
“Like a leanan sidhe.”
“Ah leanbh”
The way this story is written is fabulous, some lines are just poems from an amazing height, This all woven around the center of what it’s all about in life.... to LIVE
At some points it hits hard home...
This story is honest and clear and has an unknown depth. I found it all deeply moving. The intensity default high, the Haitian cult endlessly magical (thank you online translate).
The voices who wouldn’t stop ...
You know that highlight moment in a movie..? The right soft light, the right orchestra, the right background, the right camera angle, the right moment when hands are closing around each other... this story consisted only of these moments.
I just loved the dark humor about live and dead... it gave gravity some levity.
There were moments so intense, at 60% i just could not read further. It was so deeply emotional i just had to put myself together. The passion and wisdom in this story was overwhelming.
A praise to this masterwork.
I hope this review make sense.. if not... sorry but not sorry... just go and read it yourself
Kindly received an arc from the author (humble bow 🙇♀️ ) I’ll buy it myself anyway
Merged review:
5+++ Impossible to review and do right to this story. I will babble in my own way as usual when I don’t have a clue how to express myself... I’m not an author who has all the words... I’m just...me...
I prefer reads when there are triggers and warnings before the start. I just want to reach my limits and go beyond them.. I want to feel, fly and dive.. apologize on forehand for using others.
Grey Jean-Marcelin vs Saint aka Xav Cascia
The first time we meet Grey is in an ambulance with an EMT besides him.
Xav is an extraordinary person who lived already a thousand lives. He whispers in people their dreams to steal and survive on his own. He gives and take. Until he meet Grey...
Grey an artist who don’t want to live.
While coming close to each other many questions and philosophy rise. The awareness of another living soul...The many why’s of life and dead pass by.
“I’m not crazy. That’s the worst part. It was just the sanest choice I could have made.”
“....and all that terrible complexity that made being human so hard.”
“Everyone knows who I am, but no one knows me.”
When two men, one who wants to die and one who wants to live, collide magical things can happen. When rare and lonely souls recognize each other there is a spark which light up a universe. It totally runs another way than both ever could imagine.
“Like a leanan sidhe.”
“Ah leanbh”
The way this story is written is fabulous, some lines are just poems from an amazing height, This all woven around the center of what it’s all about in life.... to LIVE
At some points it hits hard home..
This story is honest and clear and has an unknown depth. I found it all deeply moving. The intensity default high, the Haitian cult endlessly magical (thank you online translate).
The voices who wouldn’t stop ...
You know that highlight moment in a movie..? The right soft light, the right orchestra, the right background, the right camera angle, the right moment when hands are closing around each other... this story consisted only of these moments.
I just loved the dark humor about live and dead... it gave gravity some levity.
There were moments so intense, at 60% i just could not read further. It was so deeply emotional i just had to put myself together. The passion and wisdom in this story was overwhelming.
A praise to this masterwork.
I hope this review make sense.. if not... sorry but not sorry... just go and read it yourself
Kindly received an arc from the author (humble bow 🙇♀️ ) I’ll buy it myself anyway
I prefer reads when there are triggers and warnings before the start. I just want to reach my limits and go beyond them.. I want to feel, fly and dive.. apologize on forehand for using others.
Grey Jean-Marcelin vs Saint aka Xav Cascia
The first time we meet Grey is in an ambulance with an EMT besides him.
Xav is an extraordinary person who lived already a thousand lives. He whispers in people their dreams to steal and survive on his own. He gives and take. Until he meet Grey...
Grey an artist who don’t want to live.
While coming close to each other many questions and philosophy rise. The awareness of another living soul...The many why’s of life and dead pass by.
“I’m not crazy. That’s the worst part. It was just the sanest choice I could have made.”
“....and all that terrible complexity that made being human so hard.”
“Everyone knows who I am, but no one knows me.”
When two men, one who wants to die and one who wants to live, collide magical things can happen. When rare and lonely souls recognize each other there is a spark which light up a universe. It totally runs another way than both ever could imagine.
“Like a leanan sidhe.”
“Ah leanbh”
The way this story is written is fabulous, some lines are just poems from an amazing height, This all woven around the center of what it’s all about in life.... to LIVE
At some points it hits hard home...
This story is honest and clear and has an unknown depth. I found it all deeply moving. The intensity default high, the Haitian cult endlessly magical (thank you online translate).
The voices who wouldn’t stop ...
You know that highlight moment in a movie..? The right soft light, the right orchestra, the right background, the right camera angle, the right moment when hands are closing around each other... this story consisted only of these moments.
I just loved the dark humor about live and dead... it gave gravity some levity.
There were moments so intense, at 60% i just could not read further. It was so deeply emotional i just had to put myself together. The passion and wisdom in this story was overwhelming.
A praise to this masterwork.
I hope this review make sense.. if not... sorry but not sorry... just go and read it yourself
Kindly received an arc from the author (humble bow 🙇♀️ ) I’ll buy it myself anyway
Merged review:
5+++ Impossible to review and do right to this story. I will babble in my own way as usual when I don’t have a clue how to express myself... I’m not an author who has all the words... I’m just...me...
I prefer reads when there are triggers and warnings before the start. I just want to reach my limits and go beyond them.. I want to feel, fly and dive.. apologize on forehand for using others.
Grey Jean-Marcelin vs Saint aka Xav Cascia
The first time we meet Grey is in an ambulance with an EMT besides him.
Xav is an extraordinary person who lived already a thousand lives. He whispers in people their dreams to steal and survive on his own. He gives and take. Until he meet Grey...
Grey an artist who don’t want to live.
While coming close to each other many questions and philosophy rise. The awareness of another living soul...The many why’s of life and dead pass by.
“I’m not crazy. That’s the worst part. It was just the sanest choice I could have made.”
“....and all that terrible complexity that made being human so hard.”
“Everyone knows who I am, but no one knows me.”
When two men, one who wants to die and one who wants to live, collide magical things can happen. When rare and lonely souls recognize each other there is a spark which light up a universe. It totally runs another way than both ever could imagine.
“Like a leanan sidhe.”
“Ah leanbh”
The way this story is written is fabulous, some lines are just poems from an amazing height, This all woven around the center of what it’s all about in life.... to LIVE
At some points it hits hard home..
This story is honest and clear and has an unknown depth. I found it all deeply moving. The intensity default high, the Haitian cult endlessly magical (thank you online translate).
The voices who wouldn’t stop ...
You know that highlight moment in a movie..? The right soft light, the right orchestra, the right background, the right camera angle, the right moment when hands are closing around each other... this story consisted only of these moments.
I just loved the dark humor about live and dead... it gave gravity some levity.
There were moments so intense, at 60% i just could not read further. It was so deeply emotional i just had to put myself together. The passion and wisdom in this story was overwhelming.
A praise to this masterwork.
I hope this review make sense.. if not... sorry but not sorry... just go and read it yourself
Kindly received an arc from the author (humble bow 🙇♀️ ) I’ll buy it myself anyway
June 8, 2018
5 amazing stars
It has been a very long time since I read a book like this. And it is the first time I've read this author. First and foremost I would like to say ***THIS BOOK HAS TRIGGERS*** so proceed with caution.
First off I love his writing style. The words and the phrases he uses to convey his message are eloquent and heavily expressive. I am so glad that I was able to read the remastered edition. Can not wait for Dissonant Countdown 2.
It has been a very long time since I read a book like this. And it is the first time I've read this author. First and foremost I would like to say ***THIS BOOK HAS TRIGGERS*** so proceed with caution.
First off I love his writing style. The words and the phrases he uses to convey his message are eloquent and heavily expressive. I am so glad that I was able to read the remastered edition. Can not wait for Dissonant Countdown 2.
September 13, 2016
2.5 Stars
I wish I liked this more, but there were several things stopping me from enjoying this, none of which were the subject of depression.
1) This is written very poetically, almost literary in its meditative melancholy. I'm not against poetic or literary, but it made it hard for me to submerse myself in the character's heads.
2) The lack of differentiation between Saint's and Grey's mental states made it difficult for me to keep track of whose head I was in. They sound alike, both depressed in their own way, both eaten up inside by the predicament they're in. Sounded monotone to me.
3) The first 50% of the book dragged a lot. It was obvious that a kiss would seal the exchange, and it was also obvious that if it happened too soon the rest of the story would suffer. The result, however, is two characters who keep acting hot and cold with each other to an aggravating degree. I'm not against unresolved sexual tension, but good UST involves the characters circling each other in smaller and smaller circles until they finally do the do. In this case, it was more like two magnets circling, but each time they make a close pass, they repulse each other, returning to farther positions. By the time the kiss actually happens, the magic of the moment has long since faded and I found it hard to care...
4) ...Yeah, that poorly designed UST really bothers me...
5) ...with Saint constantly hating on himself, unable to COMMIT to his own deal, and Grey being ambivalent to it all, it makes it really hard for either to be convincingly assertive without me noticing the author pulling strings behind the curtain...
6) ...though maybe it wouldn't be so glaring if this book wasn't sold to me as an Urban Fantasy Romance. I think I'd be more okay with the author's choices if this were a Literary novel, but as it currently stands, it feels like it's in limbo (neither) rather than a hybrid (both).
I did enjoy the exploration of depression in context of the premise, though, so I will give credit where it's due. Author didn't take shortcuts, and I admire that.
I wish I liked this more, but there were several things stopping me from enjoying this, none of which were the subject of depression.
1) This is written very poetically, almost literary in its meditative melancholy. I'm not against poetic or literary, but it made it hard for me to submerse myself in the character's heads.
2) The lack of differentiation between Saint's and Grey's mental states made it difficult for me to keep track of whose head I was in. They sound alike, both depressed in their own way, both eaten up inside by the predicament they're in. Sounded monotone to me.
3) The first 50% of the book dragged a lot. It was obvious that a kiss would seal the exchange, and it was also obvious that if it happened too soon the rest of the story would suffer. The result, however, is two characters who keep acting hot and cold with each other to an aggravating degree. I'm not against unresolved sexual tension, but good UST involves the characters circling each other in smaller and smaller circles until they finally do the do. In this case, it was more like two magnets circling, but each time they make a close pass, they repulse each other, returning to farther positions. By the time the kiss actually happens, the magic of the moment has long since faded and I found it hard to care...
4) ...Yeah, that poorly designed UST really bothers me...
5) ...with Saint constantly hating on himself, unable to COMMIT to his own deal, and Grey being ambivalent to it all, it makes it really hard for either to be convincingly assertive without me noticing the author pulling strings behind the curtain...
6) ...though maybe it wouldn't be so glaring if this book wasn't sold to me as an Urban Fantasy Romance. I think I'd be more okay with the author's choices if this were a Literary novel, but as it currently stands, it feels like it's in limbo (neither) rather than a hybrid (both).
I did enjoy the exploration of depression in context of the premise, though, so I will give credit where it's due. Author didn't take shortcuts, and I admire that.
May 8, 2020
I don't know why I'm surprised but I am, completely. I was not expecting this story, not at all. CMcC's characters never fail to destroy me, in the best of ways. To be honest I am knocked out.
And the story was just amazing. The very first bit was hard, because it is very dark. Do pay attention to the trigger warnings. But as it played out, I was stunned with how much I felt for them, for their situation. A very unique take on the different aspects of the plot, all which I have read before but never in this particular imagining. Seriously, I'm kind of speechless here.
I've said this about very few authors, but Cole McCade writes magic. Damn.
And the story was just amazing. The very first bit was hard, because it is very dark. Do pay attention to the trigger warnings. But as it played out, I was stunned with how much I felt for them, for their situation. A very unique take on the different aspects of the plot, all which I have read before but never in this particular imagining. Seriously, I'm kind of speechless here.
I've said this about very few authors, but Cole McCade writes magic. Damn.
March 31, 2018
Really beautiful!
February 23, 2020
Edit 2020: I love this book, I love the remastered edition with the incredible cover and you can find me gushing in detail in my new podcast episode.
https://anchor.fm/from_MWithLove/epis...
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I read this book at least three times. And I keep going back again and again.
It's one of my all-time favorites, and one of my all-time favorite comfort reads. Strange maybe, considering how *intense* it is. But Xen Sanders' prose honestly just... wraps itself around me like a blanket.
Grey's fear to live and Saint's fear to die, and how they both come together and *burn* - it's raw and painful and so utterly beautiful.
Reading that, spending time with them kills me, but also puts me back together. Their story is pure MAGIC to me and it soothes and calms me when I'm at my weakest, most vulnerable and all my emotions raw.
I love it for that alone, but also for its uniqueness, for the stunning cover, the beautiful way Xen Sanders puts emotions into words and makes me *feel*. I just... love all of it.
https://anchor.fm/from_MWithLove/epis...
-----------
I read this book at least three times. And I keep going back again and again.
It's one of my all-time favorites, and one of my all-time favorite comfort reads. Strange maybe, considering how *intense* it is. But Xen Sanders' prose honestly just... wraps itself around me like a blanket.
Grey's fear to live and Saint's fear to die, and how they both come together and *burn* - it's raw and painful and so utterly beautiful.
Reading that, spending time with them kills me, but also puts me back together. Their story is pure MAGIC to me and it soothes and calms me when I'm at my weakest, most vulnerable and all my emotions raw.
I love it for that alone, but also for its uniqueness, for the stunning cover, the beautiful way Xen Sanders puts emotions into words and makes me *feel*. I just... love all of it.
venture-out
November 6, 2016
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August 19, 2016
4.5 Stars
Reviewed for Just Love: Romance blog.
I received an ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect from Xen Sanders, author. I’d read his previous works under the penname Cole McCade to mixed results (loved Second Chance at Paris, ambivalent on The Lost). And in the spirit of full disclosure, I’m on familiar terms with the author on social media. So yeah, enter Xen Sanders, a nom de plume created for his paranormal/SFF works, and I wasn’t quite sure what I was in for.
That is to say, I was completely and utterly unprepared for the haunting love story that is Shatterproof.
The early excerpt I’d read on the publisher’s website was dark, offering little hint of the beauty and vibrancy stamped throughout the book. The name on the jacket might be different, but I think fans of Cole McCade will immediately recognize his distinct voice in the highly evocative prose and wry humor contained within. The author’s lyrical style is still recognizable but also restrained – more discerning, somehow – perhaps to reflect the darker undertones of the book.
Yes, the book contains elements of the paranormal – of vodou and Celtic lore, ancient curses and Faustian-like bargains. And as much as these otherworldly elements fascinated me, I’m glad that they drove the plot without overwhelming the overall story. While these supernatural elements definitely captured my interest and drew me in, it was Saint and Grey who had me completely captivated.
“My name is Saint,” he said, “and I kill everyone I love.”
The opening line, which set the perfect tone for the entire book, also served as a great introduction to the lost soul that is Saint. Saint, in short, is a mystery – even to himself. He was not the cold-hearted predator I’d expected from the blurb – he displayed a vulnerability and loneliness that evoked my sympathy from the very start. And then there’s Grey, a celebrated artist of Haitian descent who is just as lonely, and in many ways more vulnerable because of his mortality. Their undeniable chemistry was a joy to witness – a living, breathing thing made even more tangible in the lush Savannah setting.
I thought that Shatterproof offered a fractional but intimate glimpse into depression through Grey’s eyes (and in some ways, Saint’s eyes as well). That Grey is a man of color is of particular significance, as depression and suicide are not topics easily broached within the black community. Overall, I thought the author approached this weighty topic in a realistic manner – ie. day-to-day with no magical solution. I felt like I was able to relate to Grey without being completely mired in despair. If anything, even in its darkest moments, the story resonated with hope and love.
The only stumble in this book for me was the ending, which closed on a somewhat cheesy note in an attempt to bring Saint’s character to full circle. And okay, maybe I thought the physical exchange leading up to that moment was a bit understated to the point of being anticlimactic. But these little nitpicks were hardly enough to shake off the spell this book cast over me. I look forward to the next release by Sanders, particularly if he continues in this vein of paranormal romance.
Reviewed for Just Love: Romance blog.
I received an ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect from Xen Sanders, author. I’d read his previous works under the penname Cole McCade to mixed results (loved Second Chance at Paris, ambivalent on The Lost). And in the spirit of full disclosure, I’m on familiar terms with the author on social media. So yeah, enter Xen Sanders, a nom de plume created for his paranormal/SFF works, and I wasn’t quite sure what I was in for.
That is to say, I was completely and utterly unprepared for the haunting love story that is Shatterproof.
The early excerpt I’d read on the publisher’s website was dark, offering little hint of the beauty and vibrancy stamped throughout the book. The name on the jacket might be different, but I think fans of Cole McCade will immediately recognize his distinct voice in the highly evocative prose and wry humor contained within. The author’s lyrical style is still recognizable but also restrained – more discerning, somehow – perhaps to reflect the darker undertones of the book.
Yes, the book contains elements of the paranormal – of vodou and Celtic lore, ancient curses and Faustian-like bargains. And as much as these otherworldly elements fascinated me, I’m glad that they drove the plot without overwhelming the overall story. While these supernatural elements definitely captured my interest and drew me in, it was Saint and Grey who had me completely captivated.
“My name is Saint,” he said, “and I kill everyone I love.”
The opening line, which set the perfect tone for the entire book, also served as a great introduction to the lost soul that is Saint. Saint, in short, is a mystery – even to himself. He was not the cold-hearted predator I’d expected from the blurb – he displayed a vulnerability and loneliness that evoked my sympathy from the very start. And then there’s Grey, a celebrated artist of Haitian descent who is just as lonely, and in many ways more vulnerable because of his mortality. Their undeniable chemistry was a joy to witness – a living, breathing thing made even more tangible in the lush Savannah setting.
I thought that Shatterproof offered a fractional but intimate glimpse into depression through Grey’s eyes (and in some ways, Saint’s eyes as well). That Grey is a man of color is of particular significance, as depression and suicide are not topics easily broached within the black community. Overall, I thought the author approached this weighty topic in a realistic manner – ie. day-to-day with no magical solution. I felt like I was able to relate to Grey without being completely mired in despair. If anything, even in its darkest moments, the story resonated with hope and love.
The only stumble in this book for me was the ending, which closed on a somewhat cheesy note in an attempt to bring Saint’s character to full circle. And okay, maybe I thought the physical exchange leading up to that moment was a bit understated to the point of being anticlimactic. But these little nitpicks were hardly enough to shake off the spell this book cast over me. I look forward to the next release by Sanders, particularly if he continues in this vein of paranormal romance.
July 27, 2016
3.5 Stars
A beautifully creative story with a dark feel which embraces a kind of fearlessness and hope.
Overall I did enjoy this because it is refreshingly different. The author has weaved together mysticism, darkness, desire and love into a very engaging tapestry. At the same time the author explores suicide and mental health conditions, both incredibly challenging, but this is explored in the story not in a head on obvious way, but by being present in the story and by taking us along on a journey between two men.
Grey Jean-Marcelin is suicidal. His beautiful art is not enough to hold him in this world. The pain and suffering of depression is so intense that only death can provide the release he seeks.
Saint wants to live. He has survived for two hundred years by draining the lives of those he loves. He doesn't know who he is or where he has come from, he only knows that he must live.
When Saint saves Grey from a suicide attempt, Saint realises this is his chance to prolong his life and Grey realises that this is a way to death but as the two men become closer they realise there is more to life and death than they thought. As they discover who Saint really is Saint realises that he wants Grey to survive even though it may mean that he himself will die. Grey on the other hand wants to die and so the struggle for them both begins, life or death, Saint or Grey, past and present.
All come together in one story, beautifully told, which gathers pace and sound and builds into a crescendo of feelings, emotions, love and darkness. This author is incredibly talented and in telling this story has quietly broken many taboos around suicide and mental health at the same time as showing the real human struggle, pain and the cost and complexity of both.
I enjoyed reading it. I gave it 3.5 stars because I felt it was a little slow in places and that the pace of the story was sometimes slow because of the long descriptions. Having said this it was still good to read. Not a traditional romance but really good gay fiction which explores the emotional darkness and light between two men.
Copy provided by Riptide Publishing via NetGalley in exchange for a review.
A beautifully creative story with a dark feel which embraces a kind of fearlessness and hope.
Overall I did enjoy this because it is refreshingly different. The author has weaved together mysticism, darkness, desire and love into a very engaging tapestry. At the same time the author explores suicide and mental health conditions, both incredibly challenging, but this is explored in the story not in a head on obvious way, but by being present in the story and by taking us along on a journey between two men.
Grey Jean-Marcelin is suicidal. His beautiful art is not enough to hold him in this world. The pain and suffering of depression is so intense that only death can provide the release he seeks.
Saint wants to live. He has survived for two hundred years by draining the lives of those he loves. He doesn't know who he is or where he has come from, he only knows that he must live.
When Saint saves Grey from a suicide attempt, Saint realises this is his chance to prolong his life and Grey realises that this is a way to death but as the two men become closer they realise there is more to life and death than they thought. As they discover who Saint really is Saint realises that he wants Grey to survive even though it may mean that he himself will die. Grey on the other hand wants to die and so the struggle for them both begins, life or death, Saint or Grey, past and present.
All come together in one story, beautifully told, which gathers pace and sound and builds into a crescendo of feelings, emotions, love and darkness. This author is incredibly talented and in telling this story has quietly broken many taboos around suicide and mental health at the same time as showing the real human struggle, pain and the cost and complexity of both.
I enjoyed reading it. I gave it 3.5 stars because I felt it was a little slow in places and that the pace of the story was sometimes slow because of the long descriptions. Having said this it was still good to read. Not a traditional romance but really good gay fiction which explores the emotional darkness and light between two men.
Copy provided by Riptide Publishing via NetGalley in exchange for a review.
March 12, 2018
This book didn't work for me.
While I was attracted by the blurb (I've never read a book about Haitian life, culture and people), I found the subject of the book to be pretty heavy and dark, on top of that I kept getting distracted by characters' endless musings. Maybe I was in the wrong state of mind for this book when I started it, who knows. My head was still full of Splinterpoint's campish silliness.
...And so, even tho I am giving Shatterproof 2 stars, I truly hope the book works for others.
PS
I failed to mention the first time around: The cover is GORGEOUS.
While I was attracted by the blurb (I've never read a book about Haitian life, culture and people), I found the subject of the book to be pretty heavy and dark, on top of that I kept getting distracted by characters' endless musings. Maybe I was in the wrong state of mind for this book when I started it, who knows. My head was still full of Splinterpoint's campish silliness.
...And so, even tho I am giving Shatterproof 2 stars, I truly hope the book works for others.
PS
I failed to mention the first time around: The cover is GORGEOUS.
November 10, 2016
Loved it! Full review to come!!
March 2, 2020
4.5 stars
Wow, this book is much more than your typical MM romance novel. It’s a soul-deep, gut-wrenching, almost spiritual literary work of art - and a hard book to review.
There is a mysterious, magical fantasy element in that one of the MCs, Saint, is a fae who’s like a fallen angel, banished from the fae realm to live a lonely eternity among mortals as punishment for once loving a human eons ago. The hitch is that in order to hold on to his immortality, every few decades Saint must garner the love of a human whose life force he then gradually overtakes until the human dies. The irony is that when the book takes place, Saint’s working as an EMT saving lives, which is how Grey enters the scene.
Grey is an extraordinarily talented artist struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies who has become so closed off that he’s shut everyone out of his life...until he meets Saint.
The book is dark, but it’s also inspiring and hopeful and there’s such a profound and beautiful richness in the imagery that every sentence is an experience. It’s a love story, but not the warm and fuzzy type - even the HEA has a bit of an ominous horizon. But I cherish novels like this that are a door into the universe that is the author’s mind...in all of its brutal honesty. And like any other work of art, it has many layers that different people identify with in different ways and interpretations.
This isn’t light reading and it’s probably appreciated most when you’re in more of an introspective mood. Around the time I started reading it, my father passed away, taking a lot of the light in my life and I could relate to the characters.
To me (this next part is where I’m inserting my opinion), the plot elements of gods, fae curses and magic are more of the architecture through which you witness Grey and Saint’s own personal journeys. It’s not really a book about fairies, vampires and humans - there’s no world building because that’s not really the point, except to emphasize that life in all of its mundane struggles is still at its very heart mysterious and magical.
I appreciate that the Cole McCade/Xen Sanders shared this beautiful story and that I had the chance to read it. It’s the reason why I love this author!
Wow, this book is much more than your typical MM romance novel. It’s a soul-deep, gut-wrenching, almost spiritual literary work of art - and a hard book to review.
There is a mysterious, magical fantasy element in that one of the MCs, Saint, is a fae who’s like a fallen angel, banished from the fae realm to live a lonely eternity among mortals as punishment for once loving a human eons ago. The hitch is that in order to hold on to his immortality, every few decades Saint must garner the love of a human whose life force he then gradually overtakes until the human dies. The irony is that when the book takes place, Saint’s working as an EMT saving lives, which is how Grey enters the scene.
Grey is an extraordinarily talented artist struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies who has become so closed off that he’s shut everyone out of his life...until he meets Saint.
The book is dark, but it’s also inspiring and hopeful and there’s such a profound and beautiful richness in the imagery that every sentence is an experience. It’s a love story, but not the warm and fuzzy type - even the HEA has a bit of an ominous horizon. But I cherish novels like this that are a door into the universe that is the author’s mind...in all of its brutal honesty. And like any other work of art, it has many layers that different people identify with in different ways and interpretations.
This isn’t light reading and it’s probably appreciated most when you’re in more of an introspective mood. Around the time I started reading it, my father passed away, taking a lot of the light in my life and I could relate to the characters.
To me (this next part is where I’m inserting my opinion), the plot elements of gods, fae curses and magic are more of the architecture through which you witness Grey and Saint’s own personal journeys. It’s not really a book about fairies, vampires and humans - there’s no world building because that’s not really the point, except to emphasize that life in all of its mundane struggles is still at its very heart mysterious and magical.
I appreciate that the Cole McCade/Xen Sanders shared this beautiful story and that I had the chance to read it. It’s the reason why I love this author!
September 6, 2016
Wow!
This was incredible, so different, unlike anything I have read before! My two-word description would be Hauntingly beautiful! <3
It's dark and scary and please take seriously the author's trigger warnings (depression, suicide, death) and if you choose to read it, be ready for some stunningly beautiful prose about the darkest and scariest depths of the human soul. What a journey!
Full review posted also on Ellie Reads Fiction
This story is unlike anything I've read before, contemporary romance with a touch of paranormal, dark, mystical, sad and hopeful at the same time. I can summarize my assessment of the story in two words - hauntingly beautiful.
It's like a modern retelling of ancient myths and folklore, playing with the notion of what is art/artist, what is love/life and the biggest question it explores is about the nature of death.
It's dark and scary and please take seriously the author's trigger warnings (depression, suicide, death) and if you choose to read it, be ready for some stunningly beautiful prose about the darkest and scariest depths of the human soul.
On the surface, Shatterproof is a paranormal story, Saint it an immortal fae living among us, yet his romance with Grey was real, their struggles individually and as a couple are also far too real. The author explores painful issues like depression and suicide in what I'd consider a realistic and truthful manner (here is where I admit to having no experience with either).
I loved how the author treated his characters with so much love and sympathy that the reader can't help but feel the same for them. My heart broke repeated for both Grey and Saint. Theirs is a love story with mythical dimensions, yet an ordinary, everyday one too.
Grey is POC, an artist of Haitian descent, very much involved with the Voodoo religion. It has a powerful presence in the story, which I found fascinating yet a bit overwhelming at times. It's presented in great detail which was challenging for me as a reader with no knowledge of it. Still, being religious myself (I'm an Orthodox Christian) I felt I could relate to Grey's approach to his faith and significance it had in his life and art.
The writing is I have already come to expect from this author - powerful, lyrical and very evocative. Xen Sanders spins a haunting story that grips you from the first page and never lets you go.
This was not an easy read for me but it's beautiful in its darkness, captivating in its mythology and haunting in its seriousness.
This was incredible, so different, unlike anything I have read before! My two-word description would be Hauntingly beautiful! <3
It's dark and scary and please take seriously the author's trigger warnings (depression, suicide, death) and if you choose to read it, be ready for some stunningly beautiful prose about the darkest and scariest depths of the human soul. What a journey!
Full review posted also on Ellie Reads Fiction
This story is unlike anything I've read before, contemporary romance with a touch of paranormal, dark, mystical, sad and hopeful at the same time. I can summarize my assessment of the story in two words - hauntingly beautiful.
It's like a modern retelling of ancient myths and folklore, playing with the notion of what is art/artist, what is love/life and the biggest question it explores is about the nature of death.
It's dark and scary and please take seriously the author's trigger warnings (depression, suicide, death) and if you choose to read it, be ready for some stunningly beautiful prose about the darkest and scariest depths of the human soul.
On the surface, Shatterproof is a paranormal story, Saint it an immortal fae living among us, yet his romance with Grey was real, their struggles individually and as a couple are also far too real. The author explores painful issues like depression and suicide in what I'd consider a realistic and truthful manner (here is where I admit to having no experience with either).
I loved how the author treated his characters with so much love and sympathy that the reader can't help but feel the same for them. My heart broke repeated for both Grey and Saint. Theirs is a love story with mythical dimensions, yet an ordinary, everyday one too.
Grey is POC, an artist of Haitian descent, very much involved with the Voodoo religion. It has a powerful presence in the story, which I found fascinating yet a bit overwhelming at times. It's presented in great detail which was challenging for me as a reader with no knowledge of it. Still, being religious myself (I'm an Orthodox Christian) I felt I could relate to Grey's approach to his faith and significance it had in his life and art.
The writing is I have already come to expect from this author - powerful, lyrical and very evocative. Xen Sanders spins a haunting story that grips you from the first page and never lets you go.
This was not an easy read for me but it's beautiful in its darkness, captivating in its mythology and haunting in its seriousness.
June 30, 2018
4 Stars
Full Review:
*I received a free ecopy of this book via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.*
This was a very character-focused book, all about Grey and Saint and their inner struggles and relationship with each other. It was slow-paced, but that's not a complaint at all because it never dragged, and the pace worked well with the character-focused aspect and feel of the book.
I also liked that this book included the topic of mental health and seemed to handle it well. Grey was struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts (plus one actual attempt at the very beginning), and the book really delved into his mind in order to explain what depression feels like, or at least what it felt like to him. And Saint, while not quite depressed, had his own struggles too, trying to cope with not knowing who he was, with not being human, with grief for all the men he loved, and with the insecurity of feeling like no one could love the monster that he saw himself as.
*SPOILER ALERT (I'm going to discuss the mood/feel of the book and whether it has a happy ending or not)* *END SPOILER ALERT*
Last but not least, I want to mention that I loved the beautiful, lyrical style of writing. It was still plenty easy to understand, but the descriptions of the characters, the emotions, the passion, the intimacy, etc. were wonderful.
So overall, this was a very character-focused paranormal book that really delved into the topic of mental illness, and the beautiful writing made it a pleasure to read!
Recommended For:
Anyone who likes slow-paced, character-focused books, the topic of depression/suicide, and M/M romance with a light paranormal aspect.
Original Review @ Metaphors and Moonlight
Full Review:
*I received a free ecopy of this book via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.*
This was a very character-focused book, all about Grey and Saint and their inner struggles and relationship with each other. It was slow-paced, but that's not a complaint at all because it never dragged, and the pace worked well with the character-focused aspect and feel of the book.
I also liked that this book included the topic of mental health and seemed to handle it well. Grey was struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts (plus one actual attempt at the very beginning), and the book really delved into his mind in order to explain what depression feels like, or at least what it felt like to him. And Saint, while not quite depressed, had his own struggles too, trying to cope with not knowing who he was, with not being human, with grief for all the men he loved, and with the insecurity of feeling like no one could love the monster that he saw himself as.
*SPOILER ALERT (I'm going to discuss the mood/feel of the book and whether it has a happy ending or not)* *END SPOILER ALERT*
Last but not least, I want to mention that I loved the beautiful, lyrical style of writing. It was still plenty easy to understand, but the descriptions of the characters, the emotions, the passion, the intimacy, etc. were wonderful.
So overall, this was a very character-focused paranormal book that really delved into the topic of mental illness, and the beautiful writing made it a pleasure to read!
Recommended For:
Anyone who likes slow-paced, character-focused books, the topic of depression/suicide, and M/M romance with a light paranormal aspect.
Original Review @ Metaphors and Moonlight
August 1, 2016
I don't read all that many paranormal m/m books, even though I'm a huge paranormal fan. This one immediately caught my eye. Shatterproof was a unique read for me because it not only had strong paranormal elements, but it dealt with suicide/mental illness. I don't recall ever coming across a book before that deals with both of those. This was a deeply moving character driven love story that enjoyed tremendously.
Grey is an extremely gifted artist who deals with sever depression and suicidal thoughts. Saint is an immortal who survives at the extent of those he loves. They meet when Saint saves Grey from a suicide attempt. Intellectually these two men seem like the answer to each other's prayers, Grey can help Saint extent his life and Saint can finally give Grey what he has been wanting, death. Of course few things in life are ever as simple as they initially seem and as Saint and Grey get to know each other they are forced to re-evaluate how they look at life and all of their previously preconceived notions about living.
This story was beautifully written. It managed to be both dark and hopefully, something not easy to accomplish. I shed a good number of tears as I read. This was my first book by Xen Sanders, but will most definitely not be my last.
A copy was provided by the publisher via NetGalley in e change for an honest review.
Grey is an extremely gifted artist who deals with sever depression and suicidal thoughts. Saint is an immortal who survives at the extent of those he loves. They meet when Saint saves Grey from a suicide attempt. Intellectually these two men seem like the answer to each other's prayers, Grey can help Saint extent his life and Saint can finally give Grey what he has been wanting, death. Of course few things in life are ever as simple as they initially seem and as Saint and Grey get to know each other they are forced to re-evaluate how they look at life and all of their previously preconceived notions about living.
This story was beautifully written. It managed to be both dark and hopefully, something not easy to accomplish. I shed a good number of tears as I read. This was my first book by Xen Sanders, but will most definitely not be my last.
A copy was provided by the publisher via NetGalley in e change for an honest review.
September 19, 2020
This had all the markings of an excellent book. I loved the first couple of chapters; the story was very unconventional and had just the right amount of angst, the writing style was really good… But sadly, that's it. Not much else can be said about it.
Character development was almost non-existent. Well, okay, one can argue that Saint’s character did develop somewhat, but on the other hand, so many questions about his ‘kind’ were left unanswered. That really bothered me, because the author kept hinting at something more, and in the end, didn’t explain anything.
The plot dragged sometimes, and quickly became quite predictable. It definitely wasn’t as dark as one could expect — and that ending completely threw me.
Also, as much as I liked the author’s writing style at first, there’s a saying “too much of a good thing” — in this case, the flowery language almost smothered everything else.
Still, it was a good book. Solid 4 stars.
Character development was almost non-existent. Well, okay, one can argue that Saint’s character did develop somewhat, but on the other hand, so many questions about his ‘kind’ were left unanswered. That really bothered me, because the author kept hinting at something more, and in the end, didn’t explain anything.
The plot dragged sometimes, and quickly became quite predictable. It definitely wasn’t as dark as one could expect — and that ending completely threw me.
Also, as much as I liked the author’s writing style at first, there’s a saying “too much of a good thing” — in this case, the flowery language almost smothered everything else.
Still, it was a good book. Solid 4 stars.
September 15, 2016
Сэинт живет на этой земле уже более двухсот лет. Он не знает, кто он и не помнит своего настоящего имени. Зато ему известно, что для того, чтобы продолжить свое существование, ему нужно влюбиться. И человек, которого он полюбит очень скоро умрет, передав ему свою жизненную силу.
Сэинт больше не хочет «убивать» ничего не подозревающих смертных, но все еще боится умереть. Тогда он решает найти человека, который мечтает о смерти, и предложить ему взаимовыгодную «сделку».
Жуткий концепт. Еще по аннотации было понятно, что книга довольно мрачная. И я думала, что понимаю, на что подписываюсь, когда решила прочесть эту книгу. Главное держать эмоциональную дистанцию между собой и героями и не погрузиться в их проблемы с головой. Проще сказать, чем сделать. Депрессия Грея описана настолько ярко и правдоподобно, что с каждой страницей меня все сильнее накрывало состояние безысходности.
В общем, я не спорю, что книга хороша, но, если вы склонны к депрессиям, лучше прислушайтесь к совету автора (который вначале книги накатал предупреждений на целую страницу) и держитесь от этой книги подальше.
Сэинт больше не хочет «убивать» ничего не подозревающих смертных, но все еще боится умереть. Тогда он решает найти человека, который мечтает о смерти, и предложить ему взаимовыгодную «сделку».
Жуткий концепт. Еще по аннотации было понятно, что книга довольно мрачная. И я думала, что понимаю, на что подписываюсь, когда решила прочесть эту книгу. Главное держать эмоциональную дистанцию между собой и героями и не погрузиться в их проблемы с головой. Проще сказать, чем сделать. Депрессия Грея описана настолько ярко и правдоподобно, что с каждой страницей меня все сильнее накрывало состояние безысходности.
В общем, я не спорю, что книга хороша, но, если вы склонны к депрессиям, лучше прислушайтесь к совету автора (который вначале книги накатал предупреждений на целую страницу) и держитесь от этой книги подальше.
Read
January 22, 2017Beautifully written and always on the verge of heartbreak, this novel keeps you mired in a delicate and lyrical suspense.
Highly recommended.
Highly recommended.
October 15, 2018
I’m going to need some time to process this gorgeous book.
RTC
RTC
May 8, 2022
Beautifully written with a dreamlike quality to the prose that fit the story perfectly.
June 10, 2018
Edited for a 2018 re-read.
When I read a Xen/Cole book I do actually feel that my brain grows exponentially. He fills me with new words, new facts, new emotions that I never experienced before and he leaves me author words at the end that make me sigh/cry/love Cole just a little bit more.
I don't really favour paranormal but my experience of this writer meant I was willing to give it a try.
What happens when a depressive artist who wants to end their life meets a lonely soul who needs to take a life to live? One cannot live whilst the other survives. It is like Harry Potter and Voldemort ish!
A convenient happenstance becomes a bright colourful explosion of emotion but like depression rots away hope, so the colour fades and withers. I exulted in the highs with Grey and I deflated in his lows. With Saint I felt his desperation for a better life and his despondency at what he must sacrifice to achieve it.
Such a great book. All hail Wikipedia for being able to tell me what the voodoo/creole words meant.
These clippings took my heart:
"Everywhere he looked, everyone he turned to, he saw people living with these strange, quiet voids inside them, desperately seeking beauty and yet never finding it, their skins nothing but flaking paint over the decaying tangle of human pettiness and selfishness and loneliness and hate and sadness and all that terrible complexity that made being human so hard."
"He stayed until he couldn't stand it. Until the silence became waiting, the park so still, the leaves unmoving, the night holding its breath and wanting something from this moment."
"He set up a fresh canvas, leaning it against the wall, five by five and blank white waiting to catch the blood he opened from a vein in his heart. The paints watched him with multicolored eyes, gleaming puddles of color on the palette begging him to dip into their slick coolness, slide his brush and fingers through their wetness, mix and mingle them in torrid swirls."
"Love can sometimes give you someone to support you while you look for a way out of the dark...but it can't heal anyone. Love only cures everything in fairy tales."
"Broken, so broken, and no one will ever understand because they think you're just sad, this melodramatic artist who needs to get over himself."
"A maybe isn't a no." "A maybe is a tomorrow. And one more tomorrow is better than none."
When I read a Xen/Cole book I do actually feel that my brain grows exponentially. He fills me with new words, new facts, new emotions that I never experienced before and he leaves me author words at the end that make me sigh/cry/love Cole just a little bit more.
I don't really favour paranormal but my experience of this writer meant I was willing to give it a try.
What happens when a depressive artist who wants to end their life meets a lonely soul who needs to take a life to live? One cannot live whilst the other survives. It is like Harry Potter and Voldemort ish!
A convenient happenstance becomes a bright colourful explosion of emotion but like depression rots away hope, so the colour fades and withers. I exulted in the highs with Grey and I deflated in his lows. With Saint I felt his desperation for a better life and his despondency at what he must sacrifice to achieve it.
Such a great book. All hail Wikipedia for being able to tell me what the voodoo/creole words meant.
These clippings took my heart:
"Everywhere he looked, everyone he turned to, he saw people living with these strange, quiet voids inside them, desperately seeking beauty and yet never finding it, their skins nothing but flaking paint over the decaying tangle of human pettiness and selfishness and loneliness and hate and sadness and all that terrible complexity that made being human so hard."
"He stayed until he couldn't stand it. Until the silence became waiting, the park so still, the leaves unmoving, the night holding its breath and wanting something from this moment."
"He set up a fresh canvas, leaning it against the wall, five by five and blank white waiting to catch the blood he opened from a vein in his heart. The paints watched him with multicolored eyes, gleaming puddles of color on the palette begging him to dip into their slick coolness, slide his brush and fingers through their wetness, mix and mingle them in torrid swirls."
"Love can sometimes give you someone to support you while you look for a way out of the dark...but it can't heal anyone. Love only cures everything in fairy tales."
"Broken, so broken, and no one will ever understand because they think you're just sad, this melodramatic artist who needs to get over himself."
"A maybe isn't a no." "A maybe is a tomorrow. And one more tomorrow is better than none."
August 5, 2016
It is not often that a story teller can invoke all 5 senses. The lyrical prose of this book will have you doing just that. The author brings to life the magical world of Fae and vodou, open markets, old houses and coffee houses, oil paint, sweaty skin and fresh rain. There is a story here too, but listen to the words and you will be transported into this fabulous tale, experiencing it as our two heroes do.
The elements of this book are not a paranormal genre I have read much about. The Sidhe, or Fae, or Fairy Folk are an ancient race. I found myself searching to learn more as I continued in the book. The other element that plays a big role is the Haitian Gods of Vodou. Again, the tidbits that are revealed in the book just made me more curious. I love when an author can invoke that need to read more!
Over the centuries, Saint has done what he needed to survive. Guilt has consumed him each and every time. He enters into a bargain with Grey—a man willingly looking to end his life. What happens when you try to be cold and detached—shatterproof—in order to save what is left of your soul? What happens when you want to die but in making a deal with a Sidhe you find the other half of your soul?
This book is many things and I suspect it will touch readers in as many ways. It’s a twist on paranormal. It’s an M/M Romance. It’s a tragedy. It lends insight into what it is like to live always in the dark and finally to have a glimmer of light peak through. It’s a story of hope. Love is not always the answer. But sometimes, knowing someone cares for you more than you care for yourself, is enough.
You are guaranteed a roller coaster ride of emotions as this book unfolds. The writing flows through despair, humor, lust and joy. All very seamless while letting the characters tell their story. Thank you Xen, for bringing us Grey and Saint—equally strong partners in this book. Thank you for highlighting the very real struggles of mental illness. Thank you for showing us…. Love is…Love. Well worth the read on so many levels! Looking forward to more paranormal from this author.
*ARC received from the author for an honest review
The elements of this book are not a paranormal genre I have read much about. The Sidhe, or Fae, or Fairy Folk are an ancient race. I found myself searching to learn more as I continued in the book. The other element that plays a big role is the Haitian Gods of Vodou. Again, the tidbits that are revealed in the book just made me more curious. I love when an author can invoke that need to read more!
Over the centuries, Saint has done what he needed to survive. Guilt has consumed him each and every time. He enters into a bargain with Grey—a man willingly looking to end his life. What happens when you try to be cold and detached—shatterproof—in order to save what is left of your soul? What happens when you want to die but in making a deal with a Sidhe you find the other half of your soul?
This book is many things and I suspect it will touch readers in as many ways. It’s a twist on paranormal. It’s an M/M Romance. It’s a tragedy. It lends insight into what it is like to live always in the dark and finally to have a glimmer of light peak through. It’s a story of hope. Love is not always the answer. But sometimes, knowing someone cares for you more than you care for yourself, is enough.
You are guaranteed a roller coaster ride of emotions as this book unfolds. The writing flows through despair, humor, lust and joy. All very seamless while letting the characters tell their story. Thank you Xen, for bringing us Grey and Saint—equally strong partners in this book. Thank you for highlighting the very real struggles of mental illness. Thank you for showing us…. Love is…Love. Well worth the read on so many levels! Looking forward to more paranormal from this author.
*ARC received from the author for an honest review
August 19, 2016
Saint has been alive a long time. Hundreds of years he thinks. He doesn't know exactly what he is but he's figured out a long time ago that he's not human. He has also figured out that he causes the deaths of the men he loves. He spends his time working as a paramedic hoping to do enough good things to outweigh the deaths he causes. One night he and his partner rescue famous artist Grey Jean-Marcelin from a suicide attempt. The two men are drawn to each other and they decide that they can give each other what they most want. The don't count on falling for each other.
This was really well written and the author did a great job creating atmosphere within the story. There was a dreamy type feeling to the story which fit perfectly with the story line. The characters were interesting and the love story believable. I won't spoiler what Saint turns out to be but it was something I've never read about before which I thought was pretty cool. That part of the plot line was uniquely done.
Overall this was a really good read for me. I had never read this author before so I didn't know what to expect going in to this. I'm really glad I gave it a try and I will definitely read more from this author in the future.
This was really well written and the author did a great job creating atmosphere within the story. There was a dreamy type feeling to the story which fit perfectly with the story line. The characters were interesting and the love story believable. I won't spoiler what Saint turns out to be but it was something I've never read about before which I thought was pretty cool. That part of the plot line was uniquely done.
Overall this was a really good read for me. I had never read this author before so I didn't know what to expect going in to this. I'm really glad I gave it a try and I will definitely read more from this author in the future.
December 6, 2020
**4.25 stars**
Despite having a hard time getting into this story, once I was past about 10%, I was hooked.
This was a very, very interesting take on depression in the paranormal genre. It was something I hadn't quite read before.
Although depression and suicidality play a major part in this story, I didn't find it altogether dark. And as the author mentioned following the story, he purposefully didn't delve too deep into the abyss of depression. Had he done so, I believe Grey's mental illness would have overwhelmed the reader and the connection building between the two MCs would have been overshadowed. Both main characters have their own unique issues they have to work through in order to move forward.
Happily, despite the grim topic, the main characters get their HEA.
Despite having a hard time getting into this story, once I was past about 10%, I was hooked.
This was a very, very interesting take on depression in the paranormal genre. It was something I hadn't quite read before.
Although depression and suicidality play a major part in this story, I didn't find it altogether dark. And as the author mentioned following the story, he purposefully didn't delve too deep into the abyss of depression. Had he done so, I believe Grey's mental illness would have overwhelmed the reader and the connection building between the two MCs would have been overshadowed. Both main characters have their own unique issues they have to work through in order to move forward.
Happily, despite the grim topic, the main characters get their HEA.
Want to read
June 6, 2018As a first generation Haitian American who grew up in Haiti I will DEFINITELY read this, and am very curious since Haiti is all but ignored outside of when people think of negative things. I really hope Haiti is portrayed in a deep complex and positive light because I am so fucking tired of seeing my country portrayed as just a land of suffering and not immeasurable beauty and rich history. Fingers crossed 🤞🏾
February 3, 2017
Wow, why did I wait so long to read this?! I loved it: Gorgeously lyrical, haunting, dark but ultimately hopeful, poignant, absolutely gripping, with appealing, achingly vulnerable characters. I absolutely devoured this book <3
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