Mala

by Melinda Lopez

MALA is a darkly funny tale about what it means to put our loved ones first, right to the very end, and what happens when we strive to be good but don’t always succeed. It is a comical and brutally honest look at family dynamics, including stubborn parents and unequipped children, and explores the unsentimental poetry of everyday life. A one-woman tour-de-force for a powerful actress, MALA careens from comedy to deep pathos, while having the toughest conversation about the most common of events—the end of life.

Genres: Audiobook, Plays, Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Drama, Theatre

41 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2017

Reviews

[Sonja Arlow · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Audible Original

Mala means bad, but more than bad. It means your essential self is bad, not that you’ve done something bad but that you are in your core bad.

This is a hard and honest look at the struggles of caring for an elderly parent. This may be a short book but one that packs a punch.

My mom lives with my sister and although she is one of the sweetest old ladies you will ever meet, she has developed a stubborn streak in the past year, making caring for her sometimes a challenge.

Melinda Lopez’s story is a lot more extreme than my family’s but there were moments that the story strongly resonated with me.

The audio was excellent even with all the Spanish words I didn’t understand.

[Ericka Clou · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is so unbelievably good. This is the (Cuban-American) Boomer/ Gen X Death of Ivan Ilyich. Also if you want an approximation of many of the things (but definitely not all) I personally experienced with my dad's and my mother's deaths this is eerily close. My parents were very young though, my dad was 61 and my mom was late 50s. They very much did not want to die and were very scared. Both fought to the end, though my mother did agree to hospice in what turned out to be her last month. She didn't call me "mala" but it was strongly implied any time I tried to restrict any of her choices which I avoided a great deal.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

it's a story about a woman and her struggle with her family especially her grief for the death of her parents. It also tells the difficulty of taking care of an elderly parent.
Very depressing and put me in a bad mood. Good performance and excellent subject, though.

[Barbara Hale · Rating 4 out of 5]

Extraordinary performance of this one-act-play/monologue by the author Melinda Lopez. Ms. Lopez delivers a brutally honest protrayal of her experience caring for her elderly parents as they transitioned from life to death. Her monologue explores her Cuban family dynamics and her role as daughter, mother, sister and caregiver. Having been present when both my parents passed from this life to the next, I could relate to a lot of what Lopez experienced.

[maeve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this for inspiration for my senior showcase. It tackled the complex mother-daughter dynamic that fascinates me so much. Great read. Would love to see it live.

[Belem P. De la Fuente · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was desperate to finish it because it was all over the place. It had funny moments but the story line was just too messy.

[Melia Indra · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nobody teaches us how to deal with death, especially the death of parents. This was more a theater production than a book. I found the narrator's voice on Audible irritating and anxious. The last 8 minutes were the most enjoyable.

[Barbara (The Bibliophage) · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you've ever been a caregiver to a parent, you will connect immediately with this short play / memoir from Melinda Lopez. Lopez lays it out truthfully, and I happened to listen just about on the third anniversary of my mother's death. But there's also plenty of dark humor in this true-life tale, so you'll laugh while you cry.

Lopez lived next door to her parents, and she tells about the ups and downs of their health. She also talks about what it's like to navigate these waters with siblings. Nothing about her life, or this play, is easy. Her mother says she's "evil in her core" when she calls her "mala." She is the one who has to make the hard decisions.

But, like all of us, she gets through and tries her best. I liked this unique memoir enough to imagine listening again in the future, or recommending to a friend living the caregiving journey.

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked everything about this play as an audiobook. The author/narrator did a wonderful performance, great change in tone and pace for different types of memories described, and I liked how she was speaking directly to the audience in character. This was basically a series of short stories about various memories of her parents in the latter years of their lives, which has a lot of sadness, but she brings some humor into it as well.

There is some Spanish spoken in this play; I don't think you would necessarily miss anything crucial by not understanding it, but I was glad I could.

[Alan (on December semi-hiatus) Teder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Virtuoso solo performance memoir
Review of the Audible Studios 2019 audiobook edition of Melinda Lopez' play Mala (2017)

And my mother is screaming "¡No! ¡Que no! ¡Que no me voy! ¡Tú eres Mala!"

'Mala' means 'bad.' Not that you have done something bad, but that you are, in your core, bad.

Although the title and the early anecdote snippet that uses it might give the impression that a gloomy downer experience is to be expected, Melinda Lopez' Mala is ultimately a cathartic immersion in the experience of care-giving for elderly family. The one-woman solo character is herself named "Mala" and that brings with it the entire guilt-ridden rollercoaster that is the process that many will go through with senior care, where every crucial decision feels like it is a point of no return. This can range from convincing the senior to agree to accept additional care in the home, to convincing them to leave that home forever, and to finally making end-of-life decisions.

Lopez delivers a completely engrossing studio performance here which is only slightly adapted from her 2016 stage play i.e. the opening fragment, where she instructs the recording producer and engineers to leave their cell phones on in case of family emergencies, was a similar offbeat instruction to the theatre audience in the stage play:

So this is the part where you normally turn off your phones. But some of you might have someone you are taking care of, like a kid or an old person, or maybe your dog has diabetes, and every time you have to turn the phone off you panic a little bit and spend the whole time wondering if they fell or died while you were at the theatre.
So let's not turn them off. And if your phone rings, don't be embarrassed, I'll just stop and wait, and you can see if it's an emergency. And if it isn't, then just, you know, give me a thumbs up and I'll keep going.
And if it is an emergency, then, I don't know. I guess we'll just figure it out.

I've quoted that extensively as it gives a good idea of the humorous but at the same time humane spirit that is displayed throughout this work. This may hit too close to home for some and for others it may involve issues that they are still far removed from and may find it difficult to relate to. Lopez deals with it in her own unique way here by building an aural memorial and memento to her parents which can be universally felt by all who can relate to it.

Trivia Note
Although the play builds on Lopez' own Cuban family heritage and makes occasional brief use of (untranslated) Spanish language, the play's performance instructions indicate that it is open to being adapted to other cultural backgrounds and languages as the performer(s) may negotiate with the copyright holders. See more at https://www.dramatists.com/cgi-bin/db... (performance notes are viewable in the pdf preview).

[Jeff Koeppen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This Audible Original was one of the free offerings in February. It is read by the author and is about her struggles dealing with her dying parents in their last months. The timeline is not linear, she jumps from story to story, and from parent to parent. The stories are sometimes funny but usually they are sad and profound. Ms. Lopez does a great job sharing her difficult family stories with us in an affecting manner.

[Frank Privette · Rating 3 out of 5]

A heartfelt, funnily dark tale about loneliness, old age and death, motherhood, winter, and Cuban-in-Boston family values.

It’s well written and quite a compelling read. Especially because, as population pyramids age, the reader knows some of the daughter-as-caregiver roles will hit close to home. However, as soon as you’re getting to know (and care about) the characters, the play’s over.

[Michael Huang · Rating 3 out of 5]

A free audible original on the author’s experience dealing with aging/dying parent. You get to hear about struggles you’ll face one day.

[Jessy Sparks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Comedy and truth in this storyline where adult children help care for their parents. Enjoyed her heritage being brought into it with snippets of Spanish. Added to my connection with the storyline. Love, grief and learning to live again after death.

[Leah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A story about caring for your parents towards the end of their lives and also caring for your own children. I was glad that she didn’t sugar coat how hard this really can be and was so honest about her experience.

[Sabrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this short novella quite emotional. I lost my younger sister back in January of 1995. She was 24 and I was 26. That was my first experience with real trauma and grief. She was also my only sibling. I lost my father in January of 2013 to cancer and that was so hard. Although, I will say that we found out about the cancer and 30 days later he was gone. And finally, I lost my mother in January of 2017. And for four years I was her caretaker. She was also at least 500 pounds and 6 feet tall. And she was scared to death to die unlike Melinda's mother. I think that made it harder for me. Not to mention my mother was in her right mind but yet she couldn't understand why I could take care of her as she'd done for her mother. I'd been on my job 25 years at that time and still had 2 kids in the house and in school. If you haven't been through this type of ordeal, you have absolutely no clue just how hard it can be. And when my mother finally passed, there was no relief for me. It was even harder because I knew she was afraid of dying and wanted everything done to keep her alive. And in my case, the doctor's did try to tell me that she was dying. They called it 'circling the hospital'. They wanted me to let them 'make her comfortable' and 'let her go' six months before she went. It is an awful experience that no one should have to deal with. Especially with no siblings who can relate to the pain you're going through, as well as, share in the pain and care taking. You were never bad Melinda! And your mother knows that. Being elderly and losing your independence is not an easy thing for and elderly parent or an adult child to have to deal with. It is nothing like dealing with your own children. My prayers go out to anyone who has to deal with adult care taking. I'm not sure there is much harder things in this life.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I lost my mom when I was 22 and Mala is what it is like to battle that grief. Losing someone you love can be a real numbing slap in the face. Melinda delivered that sentiment well. Some may complain that her voice is irritating, but I found it raw and real. It is reflective of the adult blase shell we put on to "tough it out". At the conclusion, Melinda's voice and heart are overcome with emotion as she faces her grief head on. A glimpse of what we all have to face as a part of life.

[LoriO · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was absolutely breathtaking. Relatable, relevant, compelling. Well written, well acted. I would never have even heard of it, much less listened to it, if it hadn't been one of the free Audible Originals in February. And even though I wouldn't have know it, that would have been a huge loss.

[Alyse · Rating 5 out of 5]

This hit me right in my heart. Going to go call my parents and tell them I love them right now.

[Quinn · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 / 5

Overview
Mala is a one-woman play written and performed by Melinda Lopez. The play is about aging and dying, with a particular focus on Lopez's mother and father. Lopez also intersperses stories from friends and family who have lost loved ones. I received this play for free as an, "Audible Original," for the month of February as a part of my Audible Membership.

Pros
- The play is an emotional powerhouse, and nearly brought me to tears on several occasions. The book strikes me as something Atul Gawande might write, if he was trained in the humanities instead of as a medical doctor.
- Lopez's presentation of the play is top-notch; the range of her performance matches the emotional rollercoaster of the work.

Cons
- (nit-pick) The story is presented primarily in English, with Spanish occasionally peppered in. The struggle is that a translation for the Spanish was rarely provided. I could generally figure out what was being said via context clues, but I felt like I could not fully experience and engage with the play without the translation.

Conclusion
I completed this work in a single sitting, and it was definitely worth my time. I found the play to be both authentic and expertly told. While the play could reasonably be described as, "a downer," it's message is both important and resonant. There is no lesson in dying, it is simply an inevitable part of life.

[Kim Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I could have written this! I’ve been there - and it’s something all adults with aging parents should read. Some of my favorite quotes:


“Eating is the opposite of dying, isn’t it?”

“Nobody teaches you how to do the big stuff. Nobody teaches you how to stay married or how to raise a grateful child or how to help your parents through that difficult transition. I’ve seen it happen in the movies, but it’s not like the movies. The people that I’ve been around who have parents who are demented or dying - we’re freaking out. My parents walked away from revolution. My father ran marathons. And my mother knew the season to eat barracuda. They traveled to the ends of the earth to spend two minutes watching a solar eclipse. They were frugal with their money and generous with their love. And they prepared for every eventuality in their lives. Except the last one.....why would we have talked about dying when there were so many other things to do? The most ordinary thing you can do is die, and the second most ordinary thing you can do is bear witness.”

Mala by Melinda Lopez

[Juan Rivera · Rating 4 out of 5]

When my mother died it was a slow and long-awaited process ... not pleasant but rather quiet ....

I imagine if her last days had been if she had had some illness like madness, where instead of being calm and loving she would have been angry and rude.

But as reading can live many lives, the book "Mala" Melinda Lopez tells a story like this .... the death of his father and the last days of his mother, which already has problems dementing.

His mother is 92 years old, and I feel the parallelism between my life and hers; my father is almost 93 ...

Nobody teaches us to die, and nobody teaches us to accompany dying ...

The best book is the one that reaches the heart, some, like this one, come to you because you live similar situations in your life.

[Matt Dillard · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a brief meditation / performance on coping with loved ones who are dying.

Melinda Lopez tells the story of her parents in their final months of life. She talks about her own actions and reactions, her emotions, and her failings. She confronts the feelings of relief when they pass, and the guilt that comes from that. She wrestles with the difficult changes to her parents' emotional and mental states.

Through it all, she injects enough humor to show that this is still a part of life. Just as life is not universally happy, it is also not universally sad.

I enjoyed the performance. I was thinking about my dad's parents, each of whom died in the last year. He wrestled with all of this, too.

[magsevie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I originally started this book long before I put it in goodreads and the reason I kept forgetting about it was that it was such a harsh book. I originally got it because as I recently lost someone very close to me— specifically someone who was declining over time— and I wanted to feel like it’s a natural thing and that maybe this author would have something to help me through it. Some kind of wisdom maybe? But I ended up getting a vague and confusing story of her parents’ struggle. It was very disappointing.
The only part that resonated with me and made me give 3 stars instead of 2 was her describing her father’s actual death. It was so beautiful that I began crying (a very rare occurrence) and I felt myself physically moved.

(Audiobook)

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened on my Audible app.

Loved this story in the twisted way that only a person who's lost her mother can. My mother died not long ago. At least it seems not long ago; it was a year-and-a-half ago. I think. I've really had no sense of time, since she died. I called her every Saturday, but now a Saturday can slip by before I realize I didn't call Dad. I have some of the same questions and regrets that the author/narrator had. Life has tilted 90 degrees and I don't like it. I liked the old world just fine.

This is not always an easy story to hear, but it really is a perfect story about letting go of our parents and the sorrow and impatience and incompetence and the long, long rabbit hole that is part of that process. It sucks.

[Karen Prive · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mala - bad, as in being ashamed of yourself. In this performance Melinda Lopez shares about the experience of taking care of her parents as they approach death. In several acts she discusses the ways she faced her humanity - perceived failures in being the perfect daughter, or even the perfect mother. She does so with poignant humor. As someone who has lost her parents - indeed, all the older generations of my family - I smiled sadly in knowing recognition of the concepts she touches on. Enjoyable, and left me feeling more a part of the human race. The segments were a bit disjointed - jumping around in time - but emotionally compelling. I listened to this on Audible, where Lopez performed her work herself.

[Melinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Nobody teaches you how to do the big stuff...nobody teaches you how to stay married, how to raise a grateful child, or how to help your parents through that difficult transition.”
AND
“I may be an okay mom, but I didn’t know...I didn’t know how hard it is to be everything to the person who loves you...I know what it feels like to have someone need so much of you that you just get scared that if you give up any more of yourself, you might cease to exist.”
AND
“Plays are about people who do extraordinary things. But the most ordinary thing you can do is to die, and the second most ordinary thing you can do is to bear witness. I’m trying to be ordinary.”

[Avid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Phew! A gold crown to all care takers in ANY capacity out there!! I've lived it more than once and living it yet again. It is a very, very difficult situation. To face it with black humor and write a book about it was likely a very healthy healing process of moving forward from grief. Everyone deals differently. No one truly understands another's loss especially if they've never lost someone close to them. It cannot be taught just as the instant love for a new baby can never be explained to those without children.

Real. Raw. Painful. Memories. Laughter. Life. Death. Reality. Part of being in this life. Loving and letting go of loved ones. Bittersweet. 💔💗⚘

[Tarek Omran · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super raw and felt quite real.

I am not sure if this is based on a true story but it sure did feel like one.

I listened to the Audiobook and the performance was absolutely magnificent.

It was just a bit over an hour long story about life.

The narrative was all mumbo jumbo and the sequence was back and forth. As if we are having a conversation with somebody venting at the bar.

Interesting perspectives about relationships between aging parents and their daughter and how she copes with their health deteriorating.

[Ingrid Stephens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh I should not have gone here. This is a strongly emotional story of being witness to your parents passing. I watch both mine leave, and was like Mala the good cop and the bad cop. I was my mother's sole caretaker to the end and we fought and laughed and struggled while she slowly died. I see me in Mala, I see Mala in me. This was painful. I didn't want to revisit those days yet I could not turn away. Mrs. Lopez we are sisters in a club no one wants to join. This was beautiful and made me cry. I wish I hadn't found it, I will never forget it.