Run Towards the Danger: Confrontations with a Body of Memory

by Sarah Polley

Oscar-nominated screenwriter, director, and actor Sarah Polley's Run Towards the Danger explores memory and the dialogue between her past and her present

These are the most dangerous stories of my life. The ones I have avoided, the ones I haven't told, the ones that have kept me awake on countless nights. As these stories found echoes in my adult life, and then went another, better way than they did in childhood, they became lighter and easier to carry.

Sarah Polley's work as an actor, screenwriter, and director is celebrated for its honesty, complexity, and deep humanity. She brings all those qualities, along with her exquisite storytelling chops, to these six essays. Each one captures a piece of Polley's life as she remembers it, while at the same time examining the fallibility of memory, the mutability of reality in the mind, and the possibility of experiencing the past anew, as the person she is now but was not then. As Polley writes, the past and present are in a "reciprocal pressure dance."

Polley contemplates stories from her own life ranging from stage fright to high-risk childbirth to endangerment and more. After struggling with the aftermath of a concussion, Polley met a specialist who gave her wholly new advice: to recover from a traumatic injury, she had to retrain her mind to strength by charging towards the very activities that triggered her symptoms. With riveting clarity, she shows the power of applying that same advice to other areas of her life in order to find a path forward, a way through. Rather than live in a protective crouch, she had to run towards the danger.

In this extraordinary book, Polley explores what it is to live in one's body, in a constant state of becoming, learning, and changing.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Essays, Audiobook, Canada, Biography, Book Club

272 pages, Hardcover

First published March 1, 2022

About the author

SARAH POLLEY is an Academy Award-nominated screenwriter, director, and actor. After making short films, Polley made her feature-length directorial debut with the drama film Away from Her in 2006. Polley received an Oscar nomination for the screenplay, which she adapted from the Alice Munro story “The Bear Came Over the Mountain.” Her other projects include the documentary film Stories We Tell (2012), which won the New York Film Critics Circle prize and the National Board of Review award for best documentary; the miniseries adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s novel Alias Grace (2017); and the romantic comedy Take This Waltz (2011). Polley began her acting career as a child, starring in many productions for film and television.

Reviews

[Jill S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredible, monumental essay collection. One of the best books I have read in years.

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audiobook….read by Sarah Polley
…..7 hours and 56 minutes

**Courageous- forthright- written with grace**

….Sarah shares about her personal life.
— memories from early childhood into adulthood.
— running ‘toward’ painful trauma rather that stuffing it far away - helps with healing.

…. Heartbreaking medical struggles.
— severe scoliosis requiring a ten hour surgery and long recovery.
— a complicated first pregnancy.
—a laborious concussion.

…. Career highs and lows.
—“Alice Through the Looking Glass
—The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
— Her indie feature film “Away From Her” (it was extraordinary)

….Family.
—growing up in a theatre family.
—mother’s death at age eleven
— a father with few boundaries who prided himself with being Sarah‘s friend more than a father.
— her siblings

….A child actress, to adult filmmaker.
—creative desires, visions,
stage fright, a sudden departure from the long running show Alice Through the Looking Glass.

…. Secrets.
—sexual abuse; dilemma about coming forward or not.

…. Traumas.
—a violently assaulted date with Jian Ghomeshi, the CBC radio host who was charged with multiple counts of sexual assault.

….Analysis and psychotherapy.
— over twenty years of therapy.

….The value of books
—books were a major part of her ‘entire’ growing life.

In each of these essays — memories- ‘aha’ moments —overwhelmingly difficult circumstances—
each realization and deeper understanding of her past ….
I admired Sarah’s strength, her resilience, and her sincerity of gratitude.

Sarah Polley is real and delightfully likable.

This book reminded me of a quote I have from
e.e. cummings ……
“once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight,
or any experience that reveals the human spirit”.

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Sarah Polley is a Canadian actress, writer, director, producer and political activist.


Sarah Polley

Polley, whose mother and father were in show business, started her career as a child actress playing in the television series 'Ramona', based on Beverly Cleary's popular book series. Polley then got the role of Sara Stanley in the Canadian television series 'Road to Avonlea', based on Lucy Maud Montgomery's books. The actress subsequently starred in many feature films, including 'The Adventures of Baron Munchausen' and others. Polley then went on to become an award-winning writer, director and producer.


Young Sarah Polley with her parents, Michael Polley and Diane Polley


Sarah Polley as Ramona Quimby in 'Ramona'


Sarah Polley as Sara Stanley in 'Road To Avonlea'

In this memoir, consisting of six essays, Polley explores some of her most significant - and sometimes troubling - memories, and explains how these experiences affected her life.

✿ Alice, Collapsing

In this essay Polley, who was 15-years-old at the time, recalls her role as Alice in the Stratford Festival's 1994 production of 'Alice Through The Looking Glass.'


Sarah Polley as Alice in 'Alice Through The Looking Glass'

During this time Polley was suffering from severe scoliosis, was still reeling from the death of her mother four years before, and had to take care of herself - since her father was completely unable to cope after the death of his wife.

Sarah started out enthusiastic about the role of Alice but eventually became terrified of going on stage. She writes, "It wasn't just the play itself that started to drive me mad. So did the audience....who sat quietly together in the dark, unseen and safe with their rustling programs and snapping gum and glugs of eater, while I inwardly collapsed every night in front of them."

Polley now advises parents to be cautious about allowing their offspring to become child actors, since show business is a profit-driven enterprise that cares little for the welfare of the participants.

✿ The Woman Who Stayed Silent

In this piece, Polley deals with the fact that she didn't come forward when Jian Ghomeshi - a Persian-Canadian broadcaster, writer, musician, producer and radio host - was accused of sexual abuse by several women. Polley herself was (allegedly) choked during a sexual encounter with Ghomeshi when she was 16 and and he was in his twenties. Ghomeshi was prosecuted in 2015, and several women testified against him, but Sarah kept mum.


Jian Ghomeshi was put on trial in 2015

Polley writes, "Now, years later, I think I can finally articulate the reasons for my silence: I had too much information about what was going to happen to me and my family....my memory of what exactly happened all those years ago was only recently put back together, and perhaps most important....I knew that I wasn't strong enough."

Still, Polley seems to feel guilty about her silence and speculates that other women - who might have been vicims of men like Ghomeshi or Harvey Weinstein - also kept mum.

✿ High Risk

In this narrative Polley writes about her first pregnancy, which was high risk due to the fact she had previously suffered from endometriosis, had gestational diabetes and placenta previa. Because she was at risk Sarah was ensconced in the high-risk ward well before her due date. She recalls, "The nurses, are, for the most part incredibly kind, funny, and nurturing. Three times a day I am delivered a gestational-diabetes-friendly meal. Friends inquire as to how I am coping with all the disgusting hospital food, and I can't even pretend to not like it. This, more than anything else, makes them worry for my mental healh, but I am happy as a clam, having food that I can eat delivered on a regular basis."

The baby, delivered early, had to spend time in the NICU while Sarah learned about breast-feeding from 'experts' (some of them male) in the field.

✿ Mad Genius

In this essay Polley recounts her experience, at the age of eight, starring in Terry Gilliam's fantasy/comedy film 'The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.'


Sarah Polley (with John Neville) in 'The Adventures of Baron Munchausen'

Sarah was terrified during much of the filming, as the movie had many special effects, including scenes of exploding bombs. Polley recalls "Blasts of debris exploded on the ground around me, accompanied by deafening booms that made me feel as if I myself had exploded."

The crew also shot many scenes in a giant (freezing) tank of water, and Sarah observes, "We floated there, wetsuits under our costumess, for long periods of time, shivering with cold, our wetsuits insufficient to keep us warm in the chilly water."

Sarah came to see the situation as a sort of child abuse, which later reinforced her objection to youngsters being professional child actors.

✿ Dissolving The Boundaries

In this account, Polley describes a family trip - with her husband and three children - to Prince Edward Island, the locale for Polley's starring role in 'Road To Avonlea."


Sarah Polley and her husband David Sandomierski

Adult Sarah expects to be recognized by fans of the show - as she had been as a child - but goes largely unnoticed. Sarah writes, "I begin to wonder if ....I really am too old and haggard now to be recognized at all. [Pedestrians] look at me in passing, as their eyes travel somewhere else, but nothing clicks."

Sarah felt relieved that the Avonlea part of her life was over, and proceeded to enjoy the trip with her loved ones.

✿ Run Towards the Danger

In this title essay, Polley talks about a concussion she suffered when a fire extinguisher fell on her head in 2015. Following the advice of various doctors, Sarah tried to avoid situations that triggered debilitating symptoms like migraine headaches and extreme anxiety. After several years Polley visited a clinic in Pittsburgh, where Dr. Michael Collins advised her to do the exact opposite.....to "run towards the danger."

As it happens Collins has treated other Canadian women in the film industry, and he asks, 'What's with all the female filmmakers from Canada? What is going on up there?" And Polley jokingly replies, "We're a competitive bunch. The pool of female filmmakers is small, but even smaller is the pool of money to make films. We've taken to bashing each other over the head to put each other out of the running for the public money."

Writing these narratives was a cathartic experience for Polley. During an interview, she observed, "I will say writing these essays was a way of working through difficult times. I’m really happy with my life as it stands, so it’s hard to look back with regret." These days Sarah concentrates on her family and her career.



Like memoirs of some other celebrities, it's clear from Polley's essays that what looks like a 'charmed and successful life' from the outside sometimes hides difficult truths.

You can follow my reviews at https://reviewsbybarbsaffer.blogspot.com

[CanadianReader · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rating: 2.5

I don't think I understand why someone writes this kind of memoir. For that matter, I'm not sure why I read it. Having once seen Polley interviewed about her film adaptation of Alias Grace, I believe I wanted to understand what fuelled her obsession with Atwood's novel. I received no illumination on that matter or on others I would've been interested in. While I feel sympathy for Polley's childhood loss of a parent and her many health challenges, I did not find her book particularly insightful, emotionally resonant, or stimulating. The writing is serviceable but unexceptional.

Even if, like me, they never watched the Road to Avonlea, many Canadians of a certain age know Polley as the child star of that long-running weekly TV series based on the books of PEI-born author Lucy Maud Montgomery. Polley is bitter about the Avonlea experience and the conditions under which she worked. An already difficult childhood, marked by the death of her mother from cancer and the neglect of her depressive father, was made worse by punishing hours on the TV set. There was also a major disconnect between Polley and Sarah Stanley, the character she played. Her animus extends to Montgomery's books themselves, seemingly because they are products of their time, too "wholesome" and too white. Later, when Polley discusses going to the US for concussion treatment, her "social-activist" colours show again in her defense of Canada's sacred cow, its medical system. That too rubbed me the wrong way. Health care here is not, as Polley pronounces, "free". The hidden costs of our taxpayer-funded, lumbering, inefficient bureaucracy--with its unacceptably long wait times and access problems--are high. Increasingly, Canadians don't get much bang for their buck.

It's clear from other (invariably glowing) reviews of Run Towards the Danger that I'm an outlier. While I managed to complete this collection of autobiographical essays, it took some effort, and I didn't really like it. Often bored, I was relieved to reach the end. Part of the problem was the present-tense narration, which quickly became tedious. It takes an exceptional writer to pull it off, and for me at least Polley is not that writer.

Subjects covered:
*Strains and pressures of being a child actor, parental pressure, and directorial insensitivity to children's needs
*Stage fright
*Parental death (mother) and parental neglect and depression (father)
*Scoliosis
*High-risk pregnancy (endometriosis & placenta previa)
*Motherhood
*Sexual Assault by high-profile CBC radio peronality Jian Ghomeshi & the problem of bringing such cases to trial
*Concussion

[Krista · Rating 5 out of 5]

What follows are some of the most dangerous stories of my life: the ones I have avoided, the ones I haven’t told, the ones that have kept me awake on countless nights. These are stories that have haunted and directed me, unwittingly, down circuitous paths. As these stories found echoes in my adult life, and then went another, better way than they did in childhood, they became lighter and easier to carry. These stories don’t add up to a portrait of a life, or even a snapshot of one. They are about the transformative power of an ever-evolving relationship to memory. Telling them is a form of running towards the danger.

For this collection of six autobiographical essays, the title of Run Towards the Danger comes from the advice that a doctor recently gave to Sarah Polley: after suffering for nearly four years the brain damage and migraines resulting from a concussion — four years of respecting the boundaries of what would cause her pain or discomfort and retreating to dark rooms when the world around her got too stimulating — a concussion specialist in Pittsburgh told Polley that caution was exactly the wrong approach. After providing her with exercises that would work to rewire the pathways in her brain, Polley was advised to “pin her ears back and run towards the danger”. And within six weeks, her brain was healed. This idea of confronting the things that cause us pain and discomfort makes for a wonderful metaphor for what Polley has crafted here: in each of the six essays, Polley tells the story of a painful episode from her past, and with finely crafted prose and layers of self-reflection, she turns each grit of ache into a perfect little pearl to share with the world. The writing is skillful, the stories are compelling and affecting, and their lessons are universal: who could ask for more?

I’ve had a lot of illnesses and physical problems, many of them invisible: endometriosis, scoliosis, placenta previa, and now a concussion. I think it’s starting to get on people’s nerves and make them suspicious.

I won’t go over every essay, but will start by noting that I (and probably most other people) would never have realised that young Sarah had scoliosis, or that while she was a child television star, she was wearing a painful spine-straightening brace under her period costumes. With a number of other medical issues over the years, and several stories about people doubting her recollection of events, the subtitle “Confrontations with a Body of Memory” is also perfect; this is ultimately about the body and memory. Perhaps the best example of this is on Polley’s experience with disgraced CBC radio host Jian Ghomeshi:

I’ve been writing and rewriting this essay for years now. It’s difficult, when you’ve resisted telling a story for so long, to know where to start. Especially when it has haunted you not to tell it. When it has knocked around inside your brain, loudly in the middle of the night, asking why it didn’t deserve to be told, asking you who you might have hurt by not telling it, who you might truly be, deep down, because of your decision not to.

As other women who had been abused by Ghomeshi started coming forward with accusations, Polley heeded the advice of lawyer friends to not join their ranks: not just because being cross-examined in a sexual assault case is a terrible experience, but because Polley had been obliged to appear on Ghomeshi’s radio show over the years and her flirty/giggly performances would likely have only undermined the Crown’s case. Polley tells a harrowing story about her encounter with Ghomeshi, but the essay is more about how trauma affects memory and actions and how the victims of abuse can be incapable of acting as “perfect witnesses”. Another standout was the essay on Polley’s only foray into live theatre — when she was cast as the lead in Alice Through the Looking-Glass at the Stratford Festival — where she developed crippling stage fright as the season went on:

By this point, it may be obvious that a nervous breakdown of epic proportions was in the offing. This dichotomy between my womanly body, which was in a kind of collapse, and the oddness of experiencing a sort of reversal of puberty and hard-won independence, twisted with the knots of a story written by a likely pedophile that contained echoes of my relationship with my father, was a powder keg for my subconscious.

At fifteen (and having lived in Toronto with her boyfriend for a year by this point in the wake of her mother’s death and her father’s ensuing apathy), Polley was in the strange position of staying with an aunt and cousin in Stratford (who took loving care of her in a way her parents never had) and playing the part of a much younger girl on stage, but also playing the lead in that show and having the fate of the entire production rest in her untrained hands. The story of Alice and Lewis Carroll had a particular strange resonance for Polley and the pressure and the dissonance did lead to a breakdown (which saw Polley begging a surgeon to perform the long-dreaded spinal surgery that would get her out of her terror-inducing role.)

In an essay on her time filming The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Polley tells a crazy story of the danger, neglect, and disregard she suffered under director Terry Gilliam. And while in her memory she blamed her parents (who were on set with her in Italy) for not protecting her, Polley eventually realises that even as a little child she had bought into the mythos of the “mad genius” that allows white, male directors to get away with unchallenged abuse on Hollywood films. Even when she tries to discuss the trauma she suffered on set with Gilliam as an adult, he responds by gaslighting her into not trusting her own memories:

So much of coming to terms with hard things from the past seems to be about believing our own accounts, having our memories confirmed by those who were there and honoured by those who weren’t. Why is it so hard for us to believe our own stories or begin to process them without corroborating witnesses appearing from the shadows of the past, or without people stepping forward with open arms when echoes of those stories present themselves again in the present?

Polley doesn’t write much about her time filming Road to Avonlea (other than making sure we know she hated the experience and the notoriety), but when she has a dream that convinces her to take her family on a vacation to Prince Edward Island, their time there will help her come to terms with the Avonlea experience:

Things have become murky for me on this island in a way they couldn’t have when I was younger — murky in the best possible sense, where whatever sharp narrative I’ve been spinning for years about parents and childhood and lost things has dissipated into foggier outlines. I wonder, now, if I escaped my childhood to arrive in this beautiful life, as I used to believe, or if I should be grateful to that childhood for leading me, so precisely, here.

Sarah Polley has had an outsized public life, and while the stories that reference those public achievements makes for interesting reading, it’s her private struggles and how she learned to live a meaningful life in the midst of trauma and chaos (and concussion!) that makes this feel essential. I wish her the best and much success in future projects.

[Glenn Sumi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t think I could admire actor, writer, activist and filmmaker Sarah Polley any more. But these exquisite essays, each one focusing on things that have affected her body yet were/are invisible to outsiders (scoliosis, concussion, stage fright, physical abuse, trauma from a dangerous film shoot when she was a child) are well-written, insightful and profound. Sure, the pieces centering on her interactions with well-known figures like broadcaster Jian Ghomeshi and director/writer Terry Gilliam are fascinating – the latter should be required reading for any parent thinking of putting their child in the entertainment industry. But so are the ones about giving birth, parenthood (both being one and being raised, after the early death of her mother, by a somewhat neglectful father) and remembering lines in a play. This is an extraordinary book. I’m so glad Polley is in the world.

[Jessica Woodbury · Rating 4 out of 5]

Somehow I missed this entirely but I'm glad I found it. We are the same age and I have known her since she was a small child actor, but I was much more impressed by her work as a writer/director. (Her adaptation of ALIAS GRACE was a recent favorite.) I hoped this would make for a strong piece of memoir but I didn't quite know what to expect. I was thrilled by the strength of Polley's work here, which comes through several essays. They are not all closely connected, but they do have ongoing themes of memory, the physical body, and others.

What makes these essays so extraordinary is Polley's willingness to look things over and then look at them again. Several of them are about things that happened to her when she was quite young (the first and most powerful is about when she played the lead in THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS in a summer-long production that devastated her mental health, another is about her difficult experience with director Terry Gilliam on THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN) but she does not just present us with her narrative, instead we see how that narrative has changed and changed and then changed again. She shows us each new iteration, is willing to go back and reconsider, shows us how she sees things in a new light. This is especially noteworthy in her essay about her experience with Jian Ghomeshi, who was accused of sexual misconduct by several women but who Polley chose not to publicly accuse at that time. Memory, how we remember, and how the rest of our lives shapes our willingness to consider a memory fully are instrumental to many of these essays. As a person who loves narratives about narratives, it is right up my alley.

There's a lot of very interesting writing about physical health and the body, including Polley's experience with scoliosis as a child and teen that required serious surgery, a pregnancy that had her bedridden and with life-threatening complications, and a concussion that left her a different version of herself for several years.

I did the audiobook, read by Polley, and enjoyed it a lot. I love hearing authors read their own work and it's an extra bonus when they're also a gifted actor.

[Antoinette · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars.

I couldn’t finish this book fast enough as I had had enough. I felt like I was immersed in one big pity party. I have always admired Sarah Polley, so I expected more from her. This book was not for me, but maybe it just caught me on a week that I needed something more refreshing.

I read this book for a literary lecture series I attend. I’m not sure what they were thinking. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow:)

Oct 18, 2023
I have attended the lecture. Did it make me change my opinion about the book- No. But I thoroughly enjoyed the speaker. The speaker was a playwright and director in theatre.. She actually knew a couple of the people mentioned in the first essay when Sarah was in Stratford, Ontario on stage as Alice in wonderland. The speaker’s goal was to have us examine this book from a different perspective- not just did you like it, but to delve deeper and examine why we reacted the way we did to the words on the page. sadly she ran out of time - she really only covered the preface and first essay. Maybe if the whole book had been examined, I may have felt differently.

There are many 5 star reviews for this book. If you are at all interested in Sarah Polley, definitely check this book out. I am one of the outliers on this one.

Published: 2022

[Emmkay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this book of personal essays, which I found well-written, thoughtful, and compelling. Polley was the child star of Road to Avonlea when I was younger, and has become a respected director. It probably helped my enjoyment that I was familiar with her work and had some other connections to things she writes about, even if I have zero connection to child stardom - I could certainly find experiences in my own life to inform her writing about the way that the justice system deals with sexual assault complainants, her experiences with scoliosis as an adolescent and with a dogmatic breastfeeding advocate during her first pregnancy. However, I don’t think one needs a personal connection to appreciate the sensitive way Polley explores hard things that have happened in her life and how to move forward from them.

The framing device to the collection is the advice Polley got from a concussion expert who treated her after years of after-effects from an accident, to ‘run towards the danger’ rather than accommodating/avoiding what is painful. From this, Polley’s premise is to explore the stories she has avoided or not told, that have troubled her, as these are the narratives “that have haunted and directed me, unwittingly, down circuitous paths. As these stories found echoes in my adult life, and then went another, better way than they did in childhood, they became lighter and easier to carry.” Each essay is framed around a single story (her high-risk pregnancy, her stage fright performing in an adaptation of Alice in Wonderland at age 15 at Stratford, her awful time filming The Adventures of Baron von Munchausen with Terry Gilliam at age 8, deciding whether to come forward with allegations of a sexual assault and choking by Jian Ghomeshi that took place when she was a teenager, not enjoying working full time as a child on the Avonlea show, coping with her concussion), exploring how its narrative has been shaped and has shaped her life. She weaves in a lot of threads, and somehow manages to be both sympathetic to and rightfully tough on herself and others.

[Maria · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don’t really care for the whole “look how shitty my life has been, but I’ve made it out ok” type of memoir. I don’t even know who Sarah Polley is, I just read this because it was longlisted for the Toronto Book Awards.

After reading this, I could still care less about her successful childhood acting career, her lack of getting involved and pressing charges with the Jian Ghomeshi case, and the countless medical issues she’s had.

Sure, I think her writing style, if she actually wrote this herself and not with a ghost writer, suits this memoir-in-the-longest-fucking-essays-ever-written style, but you would think that would make them even slightly more readable.

I don’t know. Just something about a middle class white woman reflecting on her own life’s struggles (which are totally valid), rubs me the wrong way. Maybe because she clearly wrote this for herself, and not to be an inspiration in the world of mental health struggles, health issue struggles with the system, being a woman-in-showbiz struggles, the difficult journey to being a mother struggles, dealing with loss of a parent at a young age, etc.

[Alan (The Lone Librarian) Teder · Rating 5 out of 5]

June 16, 2022 Update On the occasion of the UK publication of Run Towards the Danger, the Guardian/Observer published an extended excerpt on June 12, 2022 from the book which you can read here.

From Child Actor to Film Screenwriter/Director
Review of the Penguin Press hardcover edition (March 1, 2022)

When I first met concussion specialist Dr. Michael Collins, after three and a half years of suffering from post-concussive syndrome, he said, “If you remember only one thing from this meeting, remember this: run towards the danger.” - Sarah Polley.

I don't know how well Sarah Polley (1979-) is known internationally, but in Canada she is pretty iconic. This popularity has its roots in her childhood with a starring role in Terry Gilliam's film "The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen" (1988), the popularity of the Canadian TV-series "Road to Avonlea" (1990-1996) based on the stories of Lucy Maud Montgomery, and a theatrical debut at the age of 15 in the lead role of our Stratford Festival's stage adaptation of Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There (titled as "Alice Through the Looking Glass").


Sarah Polley as Alice and Michelle Fisk as the Red Queen in a publicity still for the Stratford Festival's 1994 production of "Alice Through the Looking Glass." Image sourced from Pinterest.

From there she went on to work on many Canadian independent films, with a final on-screen appearance in Bruce McDonald's rock'n'roll movie Trigger* (2010) (a cameo appearance as the stage manager, glimpsed at 0'19" to 0'20" in the linked trailer).

In the last decade or so she has written, produced and/or directed her own films "Take This Waltz" (2011) and the family memoir/documentary "Stories We Tell" (2012), as well as adapting for the screen the works of several iconic Canadian writers with "Away From Her" (2006) (based on a short story by Alice Munro), "Alias Grace" (TV mini-series 2017) (based on the novel by Margaret Atwood and the upcoming "Women Talking" (late 2022 release?) (based on the novel by Miriam Toews). This all while raising 3 children in the past decade as well.

While all of that might sound idyllic and extremely accomplished, behind the scenes the journey was often fraught with the inordinate pressures and terrors of childhood acting, the loss of a mother at a young age, various childhood diseases and conditions: one which required major spinal surgery, an [alleged - have to be careful] traumatic pedophilic sexual assault by a now notorious and disgraced Canadian radio broadcaster and an accidental brain concussion which took years to overcome.

Polley approaches these most difficult periods and events in her life in 6 extended memoir essays in this recently published collection, some sections of which she mentions that she has been writing and editing for 20 years, as she has worked to overcome their psychological and physical effects. The result is an empowering and triumphal statement of her dedication, perseverance and survival.

Trivia and Links
There are excellent Sarah Polley mini-biographies / career overviews at Northern Stars and Wikipedia.

* The rather insanely catchy (to me anyway) song in the "Trigger" trailer is "Standing Alongside Gone" by the Canadian indie-band Cookie Duster and you can hear their original version here, and watch the song's full sequence from the "Trigger" movie here [language content warning if you click on the latter] (For context, the movie deals with a feuding fictitious rock duo with the band name of Trigger and their reuniting for a reunion concert, the duo are portrayed by Canadian actors Molly Parker and Tracy Wright, for the latter, the film was her final screen appearance prior to her death from cancer).

[faibolt · Rating 2 out of 5]

A low 3 stars - Sarah Polley shares some traumatic and very personal events that have happened to her through out her life. Despite this memoir receiving TONS of praise, I can't say I loved it. I found myself bored and read other things in between, even though there were only 6 essays. I watched Road to Avonlea once in a while growing up, but haven't really followed Polley's career since. Does that make me a bad Canadian? I felt a disconnect so I probably just wasn't the right audience.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a moving and insightful memoir/essay collection!

[Mary Mccullough · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found her calamities irritating.

[Meghan ReadsBooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am extremely grateful to Sarah Polley for opening up herself in these essays for readers to experience and am thankful to Penguin, Random House, and NetGalley for this book. As I read this book late last night I found myself some what humbled as reviewer to read such a moving set of essays.

This collection of essays the comprise Run Towards the Danger aren't meant to serve as a memoir per se as much as they are truly about a confrontation with a body (physical and mentally) reconciling past experiences, buried memories, and trying to, in my opinion, understand the self if not better than differently via examination of how past experiences did matter, did happen, and should be acknowledged. So much of this memoir rang true for me in terms of seeing the recent past as a time in which I encountered great change in my life that forced me to finally examine my past, my childhood and adult life and relationships, and using words and reflection to process and understand that who I am and how I became this messy work in progress.

There is tremendous elegance in how Ms. Polley structured her essays, such as the integration of quotes from Alice in Wonderland (and books in that series), interactions with mentors and stage acting, in her examination of her relationship with her father and her experience with intense stage fright. Her blending of a bit of research and bigger background into thoughts on the legal system and sexual assault, her very personal examination of the intersection of treatment of infertility and hope with the fears of pregnancy risk and the lack of compassionate connection in some medical settings (very relatable), how becoming a mother brings back memories of the past and navigating parenting in the present means confronting, and accepting, echoes of the past.

This is the memoir that I have in a way always wanted to read not because I can connect with the lived experiences shared, I can't, but because of the way Ms. Polley expresses herself, her thoughts, and is using writing and reflection in such a openly therapeutic, vulnerable, and expressive manner. I felt that I grew through her reflection and so much value the idea that I too should, maybe have been, running towards danger.
I hope many self reflective souls will find value and celebration and awe in this memoir too.

[Marcy Dermansky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book out of a base loyalty to Sarah Polley. I have loved her films for so long. I also used to always ask myself, why is she only in such sad movies. This book explains a lot. While I don't think this was Polley's intention, I felt such heartbreak, reading about her as a child actress being asked to do insane things. Sexual abuse. And I felt a connection to her, wanting to do things differently, to be a mother. Walking her kids to school. There is something about the voice she lands on when writing, honest, direct, incisive. These essays are riveting.

[James B · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to Netgalley and Penguin Press for the ebook. Although the author has a lovely marriage with three young daughters, she, like most people, has had her share of misfortunes. With great insight, and a brave honesty, she digs deep into some very specific times in her life. She talks about a devastating concussion that left her half herself for over three years until a full cure becomes possible. Another essay talks about a Canadian trial that features a radio host who has abused several women. The author is torn if she should come forward after having her own abuse that she’s kept hidden from herself for years. And professionally she talks about a near breakdown during the run of a play after her mother’s death, the trauma of a large scale movie that had a million problems and didn’t protect her enough and feeling stuck on a children’s TV show for years that worked her twelve plus hours a day for eight months of the year. Told with grace and humor, the honesty of this stories is pretty amazing.

[Devina · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️
I really wanted to like this book more than I did, especially after such glowing reviews. Unfortunately, I just didn’t find the accolades fitting. While she is definitely a proficient writer, I found her stories lacking in something I cannot explain. Where I should have felt empathy and compassion for the many calamities she faced in her childhood acting life and subsequent adulthood, I often found myself irritated and annoyed by her underlying tone overall. I listened to the audiobook, which usually garners more points for me when narrated by the author for a non-fiction book, but I found her narration almost monotone, like she was purposely omitting any emotion into her words.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really really good. It was also the absolute perfect time for me to listen to this. I do wish Polley would use fewer adjectives though.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A deeply personal and honest collection of essays by Canadian treasure Sarah Polley in which she covers life as a child actress on Road to Avonlea, living with a disabled body due to scoliosis, losing her mother at a young age, her experience with sexual abuse, chronic pain, endometriosis and high risk pregnancies, being a working mother and so much more.

I really enjoyed listening to Sarah open up about things she's never before shared publicly (like the Jian Ghomeshi case). Many of it was relatable, some of it was shocking, ultimately I just came to respect and adore her even more than I already did. Definitely recommend listening to the audiobook read by the author herself.

[❀⊱RoryReads⊰❀ · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 Stars

Do not let your children become working actors before they are eighteen years old. Sarah Polley is an intelligent, thoughtful, and talented person, and these essays are revealing and thought provoking.

[Carolanne Foucher]

(Salut, ici Carolanne Foucher en mode ultra-vulnérable parce que: qui lit vraiment mes reviews Goodreads, lol?) (Ici, comme dans les livres de recettes à 45$, vous avez une prémisse historique AVANT d'avoir accès à la recette. Si ça vous intéresse pas, vous pouvez skipper les deux trois prochains paragraphes)

Ça fait à peu près deux ans que je lis pas mal yinque juste de la fiction. Évidemment, c'est une vraie joie de me replonger à pleines dents dans des HISTOIRES INVENTÉES DE TOUTES PIÈCES. J'ai boudé la fiction trop longtemps, allant à l'époque jusqu'à questionner l'intérêt d'une fabulation où des personnages vivent des affaires, alors que je peux lire la vraie vie, où des vraies personnes vivent des vraies affaires.

Parallèlement à ça, j'ai aussi (surtout) arrêté de lire des essais, parce que crisse que ça finit par isoler, de lire des choses et de réaliser qu'on est toute seule dans notre gang à les avoir lues. Lire des essais m'isolait, me rendait triste, en colère, souvent très peu pro-active. J'avais l'impression que tout était doom, fait que fuck off. Dans les dernières années je me suis beaucoup attaquée à des essais sur l'amour, l'amitié, les couples, les relations, mes partenaires aimaient bien ça aussi, me brandir des essais que j'avais pas lus pour expliquer leurs comportements de marde. BREF. Dernière rupture, bang, larmes-larmes, et hop, Carolanne switch et ne lit que des fictions, des grosses histoires d'usines et de jeux vidéo et d'horticulture. Fini, la vraie vie.

BREF, je savais que Sarah Polley avait publié un récit, traitant de plein de choses qui m'intéressent (le théâtre, le cinéma, les relations, la maladie, l'impuissance, la nostalgie) MAIS je savais aussi que lire des vraies pensées d'une vraie personne, je trouvais ça tough. J'ai cependant entendu des super bons commentaires sur le livre, et je me suis dit «mon amie vit des choses difficiles, je devrais lui offrir.» Je l'ai acheté, et il a chillé sur ma table de chevet 2-3 jours avant que je réalise que je trouve souvent ça vraiment niaiseux d'offrir un livre sans l'avoir moi-même lu. Ça fait que... je l'ai lu.

(Nous voici enfin au review pour ceux qui ont skippé la petite prémisse lol)

J'ai fait la traversée en deux jours, souvent incapable de m'arrêter de lire, parce que les pensées de Sarah Polley sont tellement précises, tellement limpides, que j'avais l'impression de m'entendre moi-même penser. J'avais l'impression de démêler les propres nœuds de mon stream of consciousness, même si nos vies ne se ressemblent pas tout à fait, même si elles ne sont pas taillées dans le même bois. J'ai quand même revu mon enfance à moi quand elle parlait de son enfance à elle, j'ai revu l'été des dénonciations 2020 quand elle a parlé du procès de Ghomeshi. J'ai revu les commotions de mon ex quand elle a parlé de ses commotions à elle. J'ai lu ses émotions, et on dirait que ça m'a permis d'éclaircir certaines des miennes.

J'espère que quand mon amie le lira, elle aura envie de courir (à sa manière) vers le danger. Moi en tout cas ça m'a fait ça. Et le premier pas vers le danger, pour moi, je pense que c'est de recommencer à lire des essais, des récits.

Lire de la vraie vie.

Si je fais un effort, j'arrive à me rapeler comment je me sentais ce jour-là, quand on m'a forcée à faire la prise même si j'étais très mal en point. Mais ce souvenir s'estompe devant la joie de ma vie qui découvre une fin heureuse pour laquelle il valait la peine de tenir bon.

[Fraser Simons · Rating 5 out of 5]

I actually had only vague associations with the name Sarah Polley. I remember Stories We Tell, written and directed by her, but that’s about it. I say this because, often, memoir intersections like this essay collection, written by someone with parasocial relationships from being in the public eye, rely on an affinity toward the author developed elsewhere. This collection is not like that. Nor is it, as it may telegraph from the title, a vapid cringe self-help intersection.

This is a very well crafted—especially in structure—formulation of really key events in Polley’s life, starting with what should have been unbridled success at an early age: The production of Alice in Wonderland, with her as a lead. Instead, it’s merely a small toe in a large pond of a complicated relationship to being a child performer. One that other essays expound upon, but immediately, I imagine, reorient fans of Polley to who she actually is, rather than the various personas and characters she’s adopted through her work.

Polley has not had it easy, though in other ways is immensely privileged. She knows this, acknowledges it, and is adept at drawing boundaries for each piece collected here. It is surgical in it’s points regarding trauma, physical head injuries, memory, grief, motherhood, and the cost of her being a child star. Something perceived as a wish come true, but is far more complex than it’s perception.

I found this really moving, well written, excellently narrated, immensely informative, and often absolutely harrowing.

[Penny (Literary Hoarders) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent collection of essays - they are feminist, political, and soul-baring. She speaks openly of her traumatic time as a child actor, her crippling stage fright, her loss of childhood because of acting, about her sexual assault at the hands of Jian Ghomeshi and her reasons for not being one of the women coming forward. She speaks openly and passionately about the bravery and crushing defeat those women that do come forward face, (how Ghomeshi was the beginning to the #MeToo movement), her illnesses- just everything. An incredible and unconventional life and one where she feels no shame at all for how she is living her life. (Certainly an advocate on not putting your children in TV or film.)

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second Mother’s Day weekend in a row that I got so completely engrossed in a book I finished it in 24 hours (last year was Crying in H Mart.) Sarah Polley illustrates so well the insanity that is being a professional child actor and that’s just one layer of all she gets into here (she has sadly had more of her fair share trauma in this life.) Read this book and then watch Away from Her and Stories We Tell and join me in the Sarah Polley fan club.

[Ann Douglas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fiercely honest and beautifully written. What I'll remember most about this book is Sarah Polley's willingness to tell the truth about the many times she fell short of her own expectations of herself -- and when others, in turn, let her down. Life is painful and messy, and we're all gloriously imperfect humans. Sarah Polley acknowledges that in a way that feels both compassionate and real.

[Alexis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very powerful collection of essays. I have been curious to read this since I heard that one of the essays was about Sarah's experience with a concussion.

(My experience was both similar and different).


I really loved this book, even though I found parts of it extremely gutting.

[LAPL Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

The six essays in this book by the acclaimed Canadian actress (The Sweet Hereafter) and filmmaker (Stories We Tell), Sarah Polley, provide a recounting of her emotional and physical scars in steady, meticulous prose. The first essay, “Alice Collapsing,” chronicles her childhood bout with severe stage fright during a production of Alice Through The Looking-Glass at the Stratford Shakespeare Festival. On the verge of a mental breakdown, she is able to leave the production early to have emergency scoliosis surgery. The essay also dwells on Polley’s decision to move out of her indolent father’s house as a teenager, a few years after her mother’s death from cancer, to live with a boyfriend.

Other essays in Run Towards The Danger have the same harrowing tone. “The Woman Who Stayed Silent” details Polley’s underage rape by Jian Ghomeshi, the former CBC radio host fired over sexual assault allegations from multiple female accusers. Polley experienced emotional strain remaining silent during his criminal trial, as she feared repercussions from coming forward as an “imperfect” victim. “High Risk” delineates Polley’s struggle with a high-risk pregnancy at a Toronto hospital under intense pain from endometriosis. Her baby survives after a short period in the NICU. “Mad Genius” documents the childhood trauma she experienced acting in Terry Gilliam’s The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, including being subjected to loud noises from explosions and being made to sit in freezing water for hours. No effort was made to make sure that child labor laws were observed during the film’s production. “Dissolving the Boundaries” describes a bittersweet trip to Prince Edward Island--the setting of Polley’s first starring role in Road to Avonlea--with her family. She explores the dramatic differences between the real place and the idealized, fictional version on the television series.

The title essay depicts the author’s rehabilitation from traumatic brain injury at a Pittsburgh concussion clinic. Before seeking medical care in the United States, Polley spent many fruitless months trying to find a cure for her brain injury symptoms after a freak accident involving a fire extinguisher. Her rapid return to normal life is remarkable after a period of extreme inactivity.

Run Towards the Danger is a shockingly candid account of the life of one of Canada’s favorite daughters.

Reviewed by David B., Librarian, InfoNow

[Kara| Bringing Back the Book · Rating 4 out of 5]

Run towards the danger has been a line that I have been using with myself and others, since I read this vulnerable memoir by Sarah Polley, writer, director, producer and political activist. Instead of avoiding discomfort, pain and possible consequence, Sarah shares beautifully the misfortunes that her and her body have endured due at times, at the hands of others.

This memoir comprised of essays of Sarah Polley reflecting on her life, and these events dipping in and out of current and past experiences. She spends much time in her childhood, a child actor, who had her needs dismissed, minimized and overlooked by those that were to protect her. She makes her way through her childhood in constant anxiety working in this world, losing her mother at a young age, and battling pain and surgery due to scoliosis.

As an adult, she battles conflict of coming forward in a sexual assault case, where she was a victim at a young age, abuse that she has kept hidden even from herself for some time. She shares how her body battled endometriosis, placenta previa and an emergency c-section with one of her daughters as she goes through her reproductive years and at last, she opens up to us about a debilitating concussion that took her three years to recover from.

To recover from much of her trauma she could not avoid, she had to move forward, to be curious, to spend time with these memories and feelings, she had to run towards the danger, in order to heal.

Thank you to NetGalley and to Penguin Press for the ARC.

[Tamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't often feel compelled to talk about the books I'm reading, but this one sunk its teeth into me and I needed to tell everyone I encountered about it.

The insights into what sexual assault survivors face and how inept our system is to bring them justice has given me a more layered understanding of the #metoo movement than anything I've read up to this point.

The author expertly wove together threads from the past with the present in a way I've never experienced before. I am blown away by her strength and determination and vulnerability. This will stick with me for a long time.