WOW! LOVED IT!
Quotes from the book:
Anomie. Ennui. The French have the best names for it; but it was the Americans who invented teenagers and adolescence and it is among the Americans that the phenomenon is the most impressive. People say that change is hardest for the old, but this is unlikely, because the old have the simple expedient available to them of just refusing to. New forms of music—swing, rock, hip-hop—are not embraced by anyone over forty, except poseurs. New languages are all but unavailable to anyone over thirty. Revolutions in thought are launched by mathematicians before thirty, and physicists before they are thirty-five. Poets: twenty-five. Change is not so difficult for adults because, for the most part, they just don’t.
Deep fundamental change breaks like surf upon children. And it is change that injures us when we become wealthy, not some Calvinist idea that riches corrupt the flesh and soul. Poverty remains the most potent toxin for humans, but the next most potent poison is confusion. When we are confused about what and how much we should eat, about how much assistance to receive from our machines, about how much attention to pay to our parents and our aunts and uncles, and, God help us, our children, we become ill, we sicken ourselves. We stop moving and we stop attending to the necessary rituals. We become fat and hubristic, and we lose confidence in our own capacity.
As we deracinate ourselves, sadness settles over us. We lose nourishment that roots provide us. We replace that nourishment with other satisfactions: mobility and movement; anonymity and freedom. These are all very satisfying things, which is why people pay a steep price to obtain them. But roots remain necessary no matter how thin and chemically enriched the substrate of one’s growth.
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What I thought about was whether anyone knows with any certainty whether people in other times were sadder or happier than they are now. I think that this much is true: when they were sad, they were sad about things—the relentless death of their children, the failure of the crops and the hunt, the appearance of blood in the sputum of their wife. These were the daily facts of their lives. My experience is that all parents, no matter how inured, are eviscerated by the passing of a child, so the people of earlier times were likely very sad—and often. But I think they were less likely to be sad about nothing, in the way we are. Which is the state that words like anomie try to describe; which psychiatrists endeavor to treat with their serotonin-receptor antagonists. It is the state that poisons us and our ambitions, leading us to immobility.
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I thought how odd it was, that the process that leads us to static motionlessness begins as a response to too rapid change.
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The most stressful thing in the world is boredom. Trauma surgeons are not the ones who become morphine addicts. What they do is dangerous and fast and dramatic; they do not get worn down the way the rest of us do, forgotten family doctors in small towns and anesthetists facing a lifetime of hernia repairs. We are designed to be confronted by difficulties that often surprise and sometimes defeat us. In the absence of that, humans wither. Or rather, they swell. When I came here I was twenty-seven years old and skinny. Everyone I knew here was as skinny as I was. There was food then too, available at the Northern Store. Canned bacon and white bread and all the things that make men fat. But no one was. I was not yet so lonely, and the families were only freshly off the land, and still spent months at a time out there. Bear maulings and drownings were common.
Now the people I treat, especially the ones that need me the most often, have withdrawn from the land, and live like my brother and his family do, in Newark. They work under fluorescent lights and eat prepared food, recoiling from imagined dangers with a zealousness that looks each year a little more like simple cowardice. Everyone in town wears a helmet when riding a quad and the dogs are kept well away, out on the ice. One is not allowed to use a rifle, or even buy ammunition, without a firearms safety course. All of which is reasonable. I do not see the head injuries and the dog maulings that I used to. Many of the young men I know who have good jobs in town don’t even own a rifle. They marry Kablunauk women who worry, rightly, about their children shooting themselves. Together they all waddle in to see me, and together we all talk about how we might control our diabetes better.
My niece is insanely allergic to peanuts; even a glancing contact with a peanut shell will raise red welts on her skin. Her parents live in terror of the ill-considered spring roll. She has asthma too; both these diseases are increasing in prevalence and severity in American cities in a time when other serious medical problems are in decline, as we all grow richer and better doctored.
The problem is that our bodies are meant to struggle as much as our brains are; children’s immune systems expect to have to beat off infections. When the immune system is never called upon, it behaves the way underworked soldiers do and makes trouble. If it’s not finding infections, then it must not be looking hard enough. So it looks harder, and starts to detect infections that aren’t there: thus the terrible toll of autoimmune disease rises steadily in our era of antiseptic floors and single-child families.
But the real trouble is what people’s minds become when they are never called upon to fight off a predator. Gelatinous gray goo. Middle-aged fat man looking out his window at people walking in the snow, dressed in his underwear at two on a Sunday afternoon, teeth unbrushed since Friday morning, a litter of alcohol swabs on the floor and empty pudding cups stretching to the walls.
I made a deal with myself that I would never do it on weekdays or more often than once a month. And although stealing the morphine was itself a transgression, I was able to limit that transgression to these bounds. I wondered about that often, even at the time: if I was able to control it all, why didn’t I just stop? And if I couldn’t stop, why didn’t I become a daily user, with the attendant ongoing catastrophes for my patients and my eventual firing?
The answer, I think is twofold. First, either would have been too decisive a course of action for a man of my nature. All my life I have equivocated, puzzled most of all about what it was I wanted, what I should be striving for. I came to the Arctic for a summer to pass the time and make a small bit of money after my exams. But this is where I ended up spending my professional life, out of habit and out of what became an increasingly narrow range of options. I didn’t actually choose the place until I had spent half my life there.
And too, there was my overfondness of secrets. I was pleased that there was something unapparent about me, something not evident at a cursory glance. The people who divined my secrets and chose not to reveal them, they were bound even closer to me as a result. So my loneliness was assuaged in two ways: by the drug sliding up my arm and by the complicity of my friends. Potent thing, loneliness.
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