Janet (iamltr)

“I hope you brought your Bible because this one needs the demons driven out. Her feminine wiles are out of control.”
― Jessa Kane, Preacher Man

“Rules for Peasants Reading This Book 1. Whilst reading this glorious and inspirational guide to life, a full prostration upon the floor (face down, arms outstretched) is preferred but a kneel is okay. But do it with feeling. And don’t try one of those half-hearted one-knees-bent poses! Kneeling means both knees!”
― Henry VIII, Unleash Your Inner Tudor: Henry VIII’s Inspirational Guide to a Completely Sizzling, Sparkly, Tyrannical, Much Wider, Demanding, and Sexier You

“Tudor Life Tip: Children aren’t born cruel, violent, or sociopathic. So it takes an exhausting amount of neglect and callousness to prepare them for leadership!”
― Henry VIII, Unleash Your Inner Tudor: Henry VIII’s Inspirational Guide to a Completely Sizzling, Sparkly, Tyrannical, Much Wider, Demanding, and Sexier You

“Someone gave it to me as a gift.” Yikes. Getting a book called How to Survive a Horror Movie as a gift? That’s like your spouse signing you up for life insurance “which you’ll probably never even need.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills